Do you ever doubt you have AS?

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You're probably like me. I spent many years trying to convince myself I'm "normal" by doing thing that were unnatural and uncomfortable. I finally just gave up and accepted myself for who I am, but I still fall back into that old pattern of thinking sometimes. When that happens I think about all the research I've done and remember the chaos that was my life of trying to fit in. It's like an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in years and suddenly gets the idea, "maybe I'm not an alcoholic, 1 drink won't hurt".

I don't know how accurate online tests are, but they all tell me I'm probably on the spectrum, that I've got some mild form of PDD or that I've got Asperger's. Also, I know someone who's a forensic psychologist. She gets to assess children, adolescents and young adults for all kinds of things (including Autism and Asperger's). I told her that I think I might have AS. She said that she had noticed things in me (not making real eye contact, repetitive behaviour, taking jokes literally, some anxiety etc) since the first time she met me. So apparently there's something there.



This.

I don't doubt that I have AS. I enjoy my special interests too much for me not to be an Aspie.

Might be a stupid question (I'm quite new to this, hence all my questions), but what exactly is the difference between a special interest and a "normal" interest? When I'm interested in something I get completely absorbed in it. I read books, watch documentaries and movies, buy things, think about it all the time, talk about it a lot, read forums, read everything I can find online etc. Except for when I'm working, watching TV-series and except for the two evenings a week I hang out with my boyfriend all I do is spending time researching the interest. I still think about it when I'm working, watching TV-series and hanging out with my boyfriend (also talk a lot about it when hanging out with him). Would you say that's a special interest?

EDIT: And I've only got one interest at a time. Right now for example, I'd say my interest is AS and finding out whether I've got it or not.

Last edited by rebbieh on 09 May 2012, 7:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

I actually didn't realize many of these things were different about me. I thought that many of them were common to everyone, but that most people just coped better than I did. I did have some things that were uncomfortable and draining to sustain in order to function socially, and I've dropped some of those. But determining that I really did have unusual neurology, processing, and perceptions was a paradigm shift for me, and sometimes I wonder if I am fooling myself.

And then there are times like last night when I remarked to my oldest friend (known him since 1997) that I dislike unexpected change, and he said "a little bit, yeah." So I asked him if he was exaggerating and he said "Yes." I have a lot of moments like that with people I know. It's rather amazing that people around me noticed so many things over time but I didn't know. I have bits and pieces of what people told me over the years that fits into the overall structure of me being autistic, I didn't process those things as fundamental differences so much as quirks or personality things.

I believe this is a bit of a paradigm shift for anyone, whether they are formally diagnosed or just strongly believe they have an ASD. It presents a very new, unique way of potentially understanding the underlying cause of so many previous difficulties.

It certainly is an added tool for one's personal introspection.

I didn't think it was unique to me, just that I had to seriously reconsider a lot of my assumptions about myself, and as it turned out, about autism. Nothing seriously negative on that latter part, just realignment.

Never. I am a text book case - there could be no doubt

I've been wondering that myself and even started a topic on that very question (What makes an interest a "special interest"?), which clarified things... somewhat. See also: Is Asperger's itself anyone's special interest?



There's something ironic about that. I mean, I know what you're saying and even identify with it to a degree. It just sounds-counter intuitive that the worst case scenario is not having a disability.

I doubted my AS diagnosis when I first found out about it, because, at that time, I only knew the stereotypical "textbook" case of AS. It wasn't until I got the diagnosis confirmed by an AS professional AND I had read many books and saw that this really was me.

I know. I wanted to qualify that statement a dozen different ways, but it's all basically, with my history, if I'm not disabled, then what the hell is wrong with me?

i do not think in terms of what i am. it is not important to me whether i have AS or not even though i am diagnosed AS. i am locked into a solitary awareness, but i am not self absorbed. i almost never think about myself, and whatever i see is what i see no matter how my brain can be described by others who probe it.
i would be me no matter what i am called, so what i am called can not change who i am.



i do not know what normal is, and i proceed to behave with respect to my own idea of what is real, and i rarely encounter anyone who relates to me, but that is not a problem to me considering that otherwise, it would increase my mental taxation in order to frame a transcription of my ideas so as to be generally understood by them.

When people first suggested to me that they think I have Asperger's Syndrome I majorly doubted it because I knew people with Asperger's Syndrome and my symptoms weren't nearly as obvious as theirs. I was actually in denial at first until I ran into major problems in life and started second guessing myself and remembering the suggestions that those people made. Then I started researching about Asperger's Syndrome and found out that you can still be pretty high functioning and started getting second thoughts. Also, I didn't know a lot about autism and I didn't really think of it as a disorder with a broad spectrum, I didn't know much about it.

Well if I saw you coming with a gun I'd be narkie to

I thought we had a sepcial rapport with animals , their the only things I can relate to sadly

Only to wonder if I am more likely a classical autistic. Seriously, I never feel normal for very long. But my overt quirks are easier to conceal at 50 than they were at 15!

Sincerely,
Matthew

I was terrified that my assessment would come back not autistic. To me, coming back how I expected, with some form of high functioning autism, was right, and coming back without that was telling me I was just a broken NT. (Something else lifelong would have been acceptable, but hard to accept, something developed would have just been me being broken, like my social anxiety is me being broken 'cause it was developed from too much bullying.)