When to shut up?

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Here is the rough outline of a conversation between me and my partner, who unlike me is an occasional smoker and rolls his own:

Him: "Why do they have to package filters in these cellophane tubes instead of just a box?"
Me: "It is more spatially efficient."
Him: "Well it makes it a pain to get them out, and no, surely they could pack just as many into a box of the same size without the cellophane."
Me: "But think of the packaging difficulties. It would be harder to arrange them efficiently in a box without the wrapper to hold them end to end and keep them from shifting around."

At this point starts to get frustrated with me and ask why I can't just let it go, and I feel embarrassed and stupid.

I can't tell you how many times I've had conversations like this. Someone brings something up and I express my opinion about it and try to clarify, and as far as I'm concerned we're just engaging in a peaceful intellectual discussion. Then suddenly they're angry at me and ask why I'm being so insistent/aggressive. I go away feeling defeated because I don't seem to have a sense of the appropriate way to handle such situations, and people's negative responses to my attempts make me feel too scared to even try. That in turn leaves me feeling completely alienated, like I'll never be good enough for people to like me for who I am.

Does anyone else have this problem? How can I learn when is the right time to shut up without completely silencing myself? I just want to be able to have a conversation with someone where I don't feel terrified of acting like a freak (not the nicest way to say it, I know, but that's what my internal voices call me, among other equally lovely epithets.)

I have found with age, comes maturity. thus I now know when to speak and when to hush
Alot of this depends on how you let others effect your ability to cope

Ah! I don't smoke but your example sounds like a conversation I would have. As Aspies we are logical so give logical answers vs. the other person (in your example not you) who look for a simple answer of agreeing and be done. It's hard to know when another person wants A) Just shut up and agree and play dumb! or B) be analytical and logical and give an actual answer. As an Aspie I myself as you and others on WP use logic so we will give an answer to WHY they can't fit X amount of cigarettes in a box etc. vs. just being someone that would agree with the other person.

I am old and I still don't always know when to shut up, nor can I seem to keep others from affecting my ability to cope.

I'm happier limiting the time I spend with others to a degree that does not alarm anyone who notices that kind of thing, and is considered "socially acceptable" by others.

As zeldapsychology indicates, knowing that a physical, mechanical, or mathematically descriptive answer is likely to come out of my mouth, it's often simpler to keep my mouth shut, although I rarely do it.

I've already said too much!

Here, it's not so much a problem of knowing when to shut up; it's a problem of not responding the way he want you to. The function of what he said was to complain and express his frustration. You responded with a logical defense of the packaging. That's not what he wanted to hear, as it invalidated his frustration.

If he didn't want to know why, he shouldn't have asked the question.

Not your problem.

Yea I do that a lot. It does annoy people. Usually, I'll just say 'I don't know'. It's hard to tell when people are speaking rhetorically, and Im usually just excited that I am able to think of something to say that I forget to do a mental check before I speak.

Every so often. It always feels one-sided too.

Others gripe as a way to make conversation, which strikes me as bloody weird when others do it.

Here comes my double-standard: when I do the same (which strikes me as normal-ish) people don't just go "uh-huh" like they do for others. Evidently I am doing it wrong somehow.

My best defense is apparently to just stay quiet with regard to the small annoyances in life. I still forget once in a while.