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rebbieh
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17 May 2012, 6:32 am

So, an hour ago I was talking to my parents about my whole situation (not knowing what the heck is "wrong" with me) but they can't seem to understand how tough this is for me. They don't really believe I've got AS. Anyway, when the conversation was over I started stimming and then crying. Then I paced and started to hit my head with my hands. Then I went to my bed, threw pillows and started to hit and kick the back of the sofa (which is close to my bed). Then I sat and hyperventilated for a while. There are bruises on my knuckles now. All in all the "meltdown" lasted for about 10 minutes. I'm a bit calmer now but not back to "normal" yet.

Would you say that was a meltdown? What is the difference between an AS meltdown and a NT meltdown?



Last edited by rebbieh on 17 May 2012, 7:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

zombiegirl2010
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17 May 2012, 7:01 am

Sounds like one to me! It sounds like you were frustrated and overstimulated after that conversation with your parents...not being able to describe (accurately) what you go through, and them not understanding. This sort of thing causes meltdowns in me too (inadequate communication skills).

Did your parents see the meltdown take place, or did all of this happen in your bedroom?


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rebbieh
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17 May 2012, 7:06 am

zombiegirl2010 wrote:
Sounds like one to me! It sounds like you were frustrated and overstimulated after that conversation with your parents...not being able to describe (accurately) what you go through, and them not understanding. This sort of thing causes meltdowns in me too (inadequate communication skills).

Did your parents see the meltdown take place, or did all of this happen in your bedroom?


Yeah, I'm not sure how to accurately describe it either. I don't know how to make them understand. Anyway, no they didn't see the meltdown. I don't live with my parents so we weren't talking face to face.



2wheels4ever
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17 May 2012, 11:12 am

The hostile family trigger doesn't have to be in the same room or even in contact. 1 intrusive thought jumps into the inner chaos and you're going down. Ride it out, and for me I've been trying to redirect self hitting from my head to the abdominal area.

Parents seeing a meltdown can work in your favor or subject you to hardcore institutionalization depending on their capacity for manipulating along with denial, easier to put the broken trophy child on a shelf out of view, when they have no experience with autism and it upsets the status quo.
But 'social' is a 2nd language to people like us and it's not like they have Aspergian subtitles on things. In my political mind these parents sure sound a lot like 'oh no, not YOU, you couldn't POSSIBLY be gay' . (Not that I identify, but I have a mother of origin that fits the mold)

If at ALL possible that they can be educated, something that's helping me is writing down what I'm trying to get across, if you communicate by Email there's another shield from hostile tones of voice

OK my answer is probably more tailored to one of the Haven threads but throwing it out there...



rebbieh
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17 May 2012, 3:50 pm

2wheels4ever wrote:
The hostile family trigger doesn't have to be in the same room or even in contact. 1 intrusive thought jumps into the inner chaos and you're going down. Ride it out, and for me I've been trying to redirect self hitting from my head to the abdominal area.

Parents seeing a meltdown can work in your favor or subject you to hardcore institutionalization depending on their capacity for manipulating along with denial, easier to put the broken trophy child on a shelf out of view, when they have no experience with autism and it upsets the status quo.
But 'social' is a 2nd language to people like us and it's not like they have Aspergian subtitles on things. In my political mind these parents sure sound a lot like 'oh no, not YOU, you couldn't POSSIBLY be gay' . (Not that I identify, but I have a mother of origin that fits the mold)

If at ALL possible that they can be educated, something that's helping me is writing down what I'm trying to get across, if you communicate by Email there's another shield from hostile tones of voice

OK my answer is probably more tailored to one of the Haven threads but throwing it out there...


Well, maybe this whole thread is better suited for The Haven, I don't know. Anyway, no one's answered my question yet. What is the difference between an AS meltdown and a NT meltdown? I mean, NTs must have those kinds of moments sometimes as well, right? What makes the one I had an AS meltdown?

By the way, is hitting the abdominal area really any better than hitting the head? I guess the best thing would be to stop altogether, but that's very difficult. I can't really control what I do during my meltdowns.



Ataraxis
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17 May 2012, 4:21 pm

rebbieh wrote:
Well, maybe this whole thread is better suited for The Haven, I don't know. Anyway, no one's answered my question yet. What is the difference between an AS meltdown and a NT meltdown? I mean, NTs must have those kinds of moments sometimes as well, right? What makes the one I had an AS meltdown?


I don't think most NTs have what we would consider meltdowns, that's why they are considered an AS trait. The NT's I've seen who have become overly stressed usually have some way of coping with it that doesn't result in a meltdown. Things like calling someone and bitching about the issues, or having a drink and a smoke, or just going out and doing something else to take their minds off what the problem is. I know when I've reached the edge of what I can tolerate, doing rational things like that aren't even an option. When I'm at the meltdown stage I can't even distract myself with one of my special interests, I mostly just find a place where I can be alone and scream, yell, and pace while sometimes digging my nails into my arms as hard as I can. If NT's have meltdowns like that, I've never seen or heard about one.


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17 May 2012, 4:33 pm

I am beginning to think the media is overusing the word in the wrong context; celebrity 'meltdowns' usually involve a verbal tirade, jumping up and down on a couch, disrobing or a combination.
No one to my knowledge has ever reported Mel Gibson curled into a ball sobbing and shaking. NTs I've come to notice will turn their frustrations outwards while people like us tend to take things out on ourselves



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17 May 2012, 5:00 pm

rebbieh wrote:
What is the difference between an AS meltdown and a NT meltdown? I mean, NTs must have those kinds of moments sometimes as well, right? What makes the one I had an AS meltdown?

This is confusing for me as well, probably because I now realize my dad probably had AS, so what we used to call a bad temper when I was a kid was probably a meltdown - on my dad's part as well as mine.



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17 May 2012, 6:05 pm

My husband has described my meltdowns as like a toddler having a tantrum. Sometimes I stim like crazy too when I am heading for one and when I am having one, it's hard for me to do anything else. One time at work while I was having one, I wanted to hide in a closet and just cry (I've done that at my old job several times) but I knew that would not get my work done any faster so I suffered through it as I worked and I felt like I was in pain. Now I am just allowed to go home nonetheless when my shift ends and not go over time if my work isn't done. I just have to let my boss know. But my meltdowns at work are rare now. I had them more often at my last job until I started to work day time there. It was just a not understanding officer clerk I had and sometimes I would have other conflicts with others and sometimes it would put me into a meltdown I would run and hide. But day time things were more structured and I had less conflicts that way. I don't think my meltdowns always look like a toddler having a tantrum because they are not always the same.


I always thought they were the same except we are more prone to them due to the way our minds work so they make it an autistic thing. Back in the days they were called tantrums, now they are called meltdowns. Anyone notice now that the word meltdown has been replaced for NT kids as well for tantrums? Now parents are saying meltdown now than tantrum. I am not saying that NT kids don't have them either but parents will use that word on them when they scream for not getting their way or scream when something gets taken from them for a punishment or when the parent says no to something and then they go online and say how their child had a "meltdown."



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17 May 2012, 7:33 pm

2wheels4ever wrote:
The hostile family trigger doesn't have to be in the same room or even in contact. 1 intrusive thought jumps into the inner chaos and you're going down. Ride it out, and for me I've been trying to redirect self hitting from my head to the abdominal area.

Parents seeing a meltdown can work in your favor or subject you to hardcore institutionalization depending on their capacity for manipulating along with denial, easier to put the broken trophy child on a shelf out of view, when they have no experience with autism and it upsets the status quo.
But 'social' is a 2nd language to people like us and it's not like they have Aspergian subtitles on things. In my political mind these parents sure sound a lot like 'oh no, not YOU, you couldn't POSSIBLY be gay' . (Not that I identify, but I have a mother of origin that fits the mold)

If at ALL possible that they can be educated, something that's helping me is writing down what I'm trying to get across, if you communicate by Email there's another shield from hostile tones of voice

OK my answer is probably more tailored to one of the Haven threads but throwing it out there...


Oh, I wasn't suggesting that he has to be in the same room in order for it to cause/be a meltdown. I was asking because I was hoping (for his sake) that his parents saw it so that perhaps help them to understand what he was saying...but he wasn't in the same house even, so nevermind.


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rebbieh
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18 May 2012, 12:38 am

zombiegirl2010 wrote:
Oh, I wasn't suggesting that he has to be in the same room in order for it to cause/be a meltdown. I was asking because I was hoping (for his sake) that his parents saw it so that perhaps help them to understand what he was saying...but he wasn't in the same house even, so nevermind.


She* :wink:

Anyway, I never have meltdowns in public. Never in front of people. I always manage to get to a place where I can be alone. I've done that my whole life. Every meltdown I can remember has happened when alone, in my bedroom. I'm not even sure I had meltdowns/tantrums when I was a child. The only tantrums I had as a child (not sure they count as tantrums) happened when I was really afraid of something. I was very scared of insects for example. I remember one day I wouldn't get out of bed and I was crying an awful lot because there were mosquitoes in my room. Things like that. But then as I grew up my meltdown became more violent, but I've always bottled everything up and never shown them to anyone. Is that "normal"?



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18 May 2012, 3:21 am

I keep it in too.
I was very close to a meltdown yesterday in school, but managed to keep it in until I was home alone around 8 o'clock in the evening. I can't have a meltdown in front of anyone but two people I really trust. It wont come if I'm around people, so I have to keep it bottled up until everyone is gone,. So normal to me at least


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18 May 2012, 3:29 am

I still haven't figured out yet how to not have a meltdown in public. They're so embarrassing. Only way I can avoid it is to leave the situation but that is not always possible. I can hold it in but then I just stim like crazy so I pace instead and I cry silently without screaming but everyone can still see it.



yondoloki
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18 May 2012, 3:42 am

League_Girl wrote:
I still haven't figured out yet how to not have a meltdown in public. They're so embarrassing. Only way I can avoid it is to leave the situation but that is not always possible. I can hold it in but then I just stim like crazy so I pace instead and I cry silently without screaming but everyone can still see it.


I would like to help, but I don't know what I do.
It's like only the thoughts go "I would like to have a meltdown now, please" but my body wont react to it. I may be a bit stiff, look distant and stimm, but otherwise act normal until people are gone.

But sometimes I would like to have a meltdown in public so people could see how bad i actually feel...


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18 May 2012, 3:47 am

Ah meltdown, that sounds almost healthy. I just go from frozen to flatline.


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18 May 2012, 5:44 am

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I'm not even sure I had meltdowns/tantrums when I was a child.


No, me neither. What exactly counts as meltdown behaviour, in children and adults?