Talking to family who dont want to talk to me

Post Reply New Topic

I am spending time with my family due to a family crisis of my Grampa's diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer.
Well I have found it to be really hard to talk to certain family members who really dont want me around, but then those same people get mad when I dont check up on them???

My sister is the worst about this. When I call her the conversation usually goes like this:
Me: hey K whats up? how are you doing?
K: I am fine.
Me: How is G. (husband)?
K: He is fine.
Me. How is school?
K: Its fine...hey listen I got to go study ...thanks for calling

Then when she gets mad at me she accuses me of not knowing that she has been getting student loans to pay for college, and that she will start her life buried in debt. She also brings up a million other things that I "should know" How the hell am I supposed to know this when I ask her about her life and all she says is fine.
Then when her G. and my brother went to visit my Grampa...she was mad at how many times I called my brother and that I had not bothered to call her but once. Well my brother takes time to talk to me, or at least he tries even if it gets akward at times. Meanwhile, my sister just says she is fine and then has to go, then gets mad that I dont know about her life.

Then there is my Grampa. I know he cares about me cuz he sends me birthday and christmas money every year. But trying to talk to him is like trying to talk to my sister... I will ask him questions to try to get a conversation going and I usually get short 3 word answers back.
Meanwhile my NT brother or cousins can talk to him and the conversation just naturally develops out of the blue sky.
He will talk for at least 30 minutes with them on many topics but just ignore me and when I try to talk to him...he is short and quick with me.
Am I missing something.

I know I have trouble talking to people, however some people are easier than others. I kinda like chatty people cause it makes conversation easier, but what do I do with those I love and care deeply about who are so difficult to conversate with. Exspecally my sister who thinks I have to have freakin mind reading skills in order to care about her.
I mean does she expect me to spy on her to find this stuff out or what???

Well as my friend Inventor told me "If you want a break from the rationals, go see family" I could not have said this better!!

What is it about families that take a perfectly rational person and turn them into a neurotic mindbending stark raving lunatic???

Jojo

Autism has a genetic component to it, so there is a bigger chance your sister is autistic than the average of the world, since your diagnosis are "Other autism spectrum disorder". I read about Aspergers that they often behave in conversations like the other part knows what they are thinking. So it could be that your sister actually thinks that you know about her troubles even though she never told you.

Autistic people trying to figure out how NTs think, is like a monkey trying to teach a fish how to climb. No matter how hard he might try, the fish just isn't equipped with limbs to climb, nor capable of breathing on land, and on top of that, they might never have seen a tree and have absolutely no motivation to climb it... So I have given up on trying to figure out how they think, with all their emotions, and realized I have to ask to find out.

Other than that, I dont have any good advice, I tend to have problems connecting to my own family.

If I knew the answer I could charge a reasonable fee of 1 nickel ,pursue all my SIs and have money to burn

I get this exact kind of situation myself with the extra pleasure of being told that having a conversation with me is like pulling teeth

It is a common misconception held by many women that other people can read minds. They get mad when you don't know something that they didn't tell you. They will sometimes give vague hints, and from that you are expected to magically figure out or acquire knowledge about something they assume you have grasped. This is true of both Aspie and NT women. Fortunately, not all women are this way, but unfortunately, all too many are.

For the record, I am female, but I don't expect others to read my mind (I'm sane). My mother did expect that at times, though. One time, she came to me, while we were living in NJ, and asked me if there was anything on TV that night that her brother in PA would be watching. I did not know him all that well, and hardly ever saw him, so how am I supposed to know? Naturally, I told her her to call him and ask him. It turns out she had wanted to call him to talk to him, but didn't want to call while he might be watching something on TV. That was the strangest time, but there have been others.

I have trouble reading social cues, but I'm expected to read minds, too? Well, I can't read minds!

As for the people who don't expect you to read minds, but instead give you the cold shoulder, or minimize contact with you, although you haven't done anything to deserve it, well they feel uncomfortable dealing with people who are different, so they keep contacts short. This is the situation between you and your grandfather. I don't think he has any nasty intentions towards you, though. He's just uncomfortable, and doesn't know how to relate to you. The best thing to do is accept whatever part of himself he is willing and able to share with you, and continue being friendly with him.