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Taybot97
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21 May 2012, 5:19 pm

Image

I know all you here recently told me not to worry about what my GF vaguely wrote in my yearbook. But if you look at the image above (hyperlink so the image isn't too big on this post) (name was cropped out) you'll see more vagueness. I think the second response was just a polite way to say no while the first was an honest "I don't know". If it helps to know this is the first time I've talked to her since ~3 PM thurdsay.

My main question here is what could be going on? I've observed other relationships and this isn't normal.

Also I tried to make this clear and not awkward but I'm not good with words so It still reads awkward



JanuaryMan
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21 May 2012, 5:26 pm

Sounds like an immature response to keep repeating idk but have to remember she might have something going on. It will be really hard to do but just say "ok, ttyl" or something and let her contact you first next time. See what happens.



ghostar
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21 May 2012, 5:46 pm

She sounds dismissive to me for a neurotypical female. I am an Aspie female and tend to give the "idk" response when I feel like a paramour is simply asking too much of me emotionally.

If she is Aspie like me, then I do not think she sounds dismissive...just a little bit overwhelmed.



Taybot97
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21 May 2012, 5:51 pm

It's been 3 hours so me adding "ok ttyl" would probably have more of a mean tone to the reader. Like a "fine ignore me for now". Also if I wait for her to text first I won't see/hear from her until the math final (last final of the year). I can't say never but she rarely texts me first. I haven't seen her outside of school in 2 maybe 3 weeks an I haven't talked to her much in school. So the way I see it is if I don't get to hang out with her during (almost) the perfect time (we are already in the same place, lots of stuff in walking distance, schools out for summer, neither of us have something else planned) then she doesn't care (she isn't making an effort to show it if she does). If she doesn't care then "us" is a waste of time. If its wasting time it should be stopped, and breaking up with a girl I love can't be easy. To help prove my hopefully wrong assumption she is NT. Which could mean this is dismissive, which is not caring.

Somebody please prove the stupid young me wrong.



gs0
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21 May 2012, 5:53 pm

I could be entirely wrong here, but it seems like she's showing a lack of interest. For e.g.

"Are you doing anything after the math final?"
"idk"

If she was interested, she would make an effort to check what she was doing and/or she'd write more in response. Short, vague responses are generally a sign of hesitation.



ghostar
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21 May 2012, 5:55 pm

gs0 wrote:
I could be entirely wrong here, but it seems like she's showing a lack of interest. For e.g.

"Are you doing anything after the math final?"
"idk"

If she was interested, she would make an effort to check what she was doing and/or she'd write more in response. Short, vague responses are generally a sign of hesitation.


This. :(



JanuaryMan
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21 May 2012, 6:04 pm

Yeah I didn't want to respond earlier but seeing as others have..I'm afraid you should emotionally prepare for things.
It's not like this wouldn't have happened even if you were the best guy in the world, teens in high school get bored with their bf/gf after a while usually and want someone new. It's not you, it's not her, it's just that part of your life.



Taybot97
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21 May 2012, 6:32 pm

So I'll let time double check on no interest. If she doesn't reply then the assumption is correct. If highschool is going to be like this then I'll stay single for the next 3 years. If its true she doesn't care in just going to sit and wonder why. We haven't fought, but I guess 5 months (yesterday) without so much as a hug isn't good reason to stay. Yes I've been that clueless/nervous to even hug her, but I've wanted to.

Without prior notice I'm sure after the final ill have enough time to talk to her. So one last question then I'm done here, how do you break up with someone. I've done it before but it's got to be a lot easier when the b!tch cheats on you. --this whole paragraph assuming the worst which is sadly likely--



SluvsK
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21 May 2012, 6:34 pm

JanuaryMan wrote:
Yeah I didn't want to respond earlier but seeing as others have..I'm afraid you should emotionally prepare for things.
It's not like this wouldn't have happened even if you were the best guy in the world, teens in high school get bored with their bf/gf after a while usually and want someone new. It's not you, it's not her, it's just that part of your life.


I agree. I also agree with gs0. I'm sorry! ((hugs))



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21 May 2012, 6:39 pm

In the event that she does not get in touch with you after the final. I think a simple text message saying "I think we should break up and will assume that we have if I don't hear back from you. Take care." would be appropriate.

I would refrain from acting mad or hurt in the event that she really does have something distracting going on in her life (other than a new dude, that is) that has prevented her from being a good partner recently.

If you find out that she is, in fact cheating on you, I think a text message saying something along the lines of "You aren't good enough for me so SUCK IT!" would be appropriate. Of course, that will make you appear bitter and jaded so take my advice with a grain of salt. Also, keep in mind that your parents might get mad at you for being vulgar if they found out about this kind of text.

I am so sorry that anyone has to go through this...especially at your age. Hopefully it really is a misunderstanding. :wink:



Taybot97
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21 May 2012, 7:09 pm

I would prefer to do it in person, but if the chance doesn't arise or I'm too scarred (it's likely, I'm not going to deny the fact) I'll send the text. It's nicely worded and if I add "because...(short explains message)" then it gives the chance for her to explain herself if needed, or ignore.
I'm not mad, if she doesn't like me anymore I have no reason to be mad. And I'm good at hiding my emotions so whatever I feel won't show. If it is cheating my parents won't care about language and I'll find the right angry/mean words. In the hopeful but appetently unlikely event it's all a misunderstanding then I guess I get a happy ending for now.

When I asked why my parents divorced the answer I got was along the lines of "sometimes people don't love eachother as much as they used to". I still dont understand or think its a valid reason, why do you love eacherother less now, something happened. Even if it was just the time passed that's a reason. I don't know how to clarify this paragraphs meaning but hopefully it's clear. I guess I mean the same thing could be affecting me and I won't be giving the real why either.

To most people on this website and especially all who have helped me, i hate to use the word love for friends and such but I really like you. I like you about as much as you can like somebody almost completely anonymous.



ghostar
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21 May 2012, 8:09 pm

Wow Taybot97, you are far more mature than most men your age (and women for that matter). You deserve a great partner and I, for one, am confident that you will find one when the time is right. :D



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21 May 2012, 8:51 pm

Sorry to say I agree with everyone else. As an NT woman, her "idk" responses and the yearbook message tell me she's not interested. I think you should do it as soon as possible. I'm sure you'd like to do it in person but honestly in this case I don't think it will matter. I wouldn't even explain. I would say I don't think we should see each other anymore. Thats it, that's all. She can't even act surprised. Now that I think about it, I think she's waiting for you to break up with her.



Taybot97
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21 May 2012, 9:26 pm

@Ghostar- I get that a lot. It may be te AS but I don't like the normal maturity of my age. So I be more mature to get more mature friends who I can actually like.

@ilovemyaspie- I think I will just wait till Wednesday anyways. Then school is done with, she isn't stopping me from getting another girl so the wait doesn't affect me. And another reason, in a school environment word can spread very quickly. It comes down to this, if a lot of people know at once then I get a lot of attention and sympathy which I don't want. If I wait only 2 days I avoid the trouble an will correct anybody who asked me about her.

An if she is waiting for me to do it why doesn't she do it. What is gained on her end if I break it up instead of her.



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21 May 2012, 10:12 pm

I think its a passive aggressive move. She doesn't have the guts to do it herself so she's making it "easy"for you to do it. Could be she doesn't want to hurt your feelings but doesn't realize what she's doing isn't any better. But as mentioned you are mature for your age. These are things girls her age typically do. Well I can only speak for NT girls. But I remember a lot of this nonsense going on when I was your age.



Taybot97
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21 May 2012, 10:27 pm

I guess either of those two things make sense. It doesn't make sense why this is common among girls my age, if the feelings are gone in under 5 months they couldn't have been great in the first place. I understand if you think they can grow to try it but if they don't it shouldn't last more than a month. I don't understand NT and I don't understand girl, so once again I'm glad all you are here to help.