two mistakes/lessons I learned from online dating

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As I've been online dating more, I have two things I would like to add to my
Online Dating Advice thread of how to stand out from 95% of people.

Both have to do with messaging the other person.

1. Be personable, emotional, not afraid to make a joke. Let your personality shine through your message. As an Aspie, it's easy to make a mistake of being entirely logical/factual, but having none of that emotional appeal. At first, when I started messaging people, I was all logical and factual providing big analyses on things - describing theories instead of describing experiences and feelings.

In one message, the girl responded "wow ur way too seriously, too logical, you need to chillout". I could've pumped my fist in anger and said to myself "Wow, what a b***h. She's trying to insult me and I'm not listening to her". Instead, I thought to myself, is this true? I looked at many other messages I sent, and thought "Wow, she was right. I really was making this mistake".

I guess I was trying to overcompensate and separate from the typical ghetto guy with a low IQ, that I went too far into the opposite direction.

2. Real life experience REALLY helps writing messages.

Some profiles are typical. "I go to ___ College, I listen to ____, I like to go camping, play sports, I'm currently volunteering for a charity, etc." And I just don't know how to respond to them.

I then thought, if I had more real life experience, they could easily be conversation starters.

If I went for camping one night, I'd have a story to tell. Same as if I volunteered to a charity. If I went to an amazing concert, and the other person said they liked that band, then I'd have an experience to talk about.

Thanks for reading

however people who dont like logical serious types are not likely to tolerate one long term so may not be best to appear less oneself.

The lesson I've learned is to watch out for this:

http://ohinternet.com/Fat_Girl_Angle_Shot

Expecting people to actually reply to my well written, grammatically correct, and properly spelled messages was probably my first mistake, continuing to write lengthy messages to people and send them out after it became obvious no one I was interested in was also interested in me was my second. I'm not really sure which was the bigger mistake..

I wonder what pic you use because your wp avatar is scary.


You should understand how girls usually in online dating function, it's all about time management:

1- They receive load of messages per day - some can be long and well written even, others can be short intros.
2- They check the pics of the senders (maybe even without reading the whole message or visiting their profiles), they delete the ones they find ugly and just leave the ones they find most attractive.
3- They reply to the very few ones they find most attractive.



anyone who's telling you otherwise is lying.



end of story ;p

I agree with Boo, although I'm not on any dating websites, I know most of it is to do with presentation, I'll list a few other things I think might be helpful.

Upload photos of you engaging in appealing activities, maybe travelling, holding an exotic animal or in a social setting.

Ask a friend with a good fashion sense as to what would suit you, find out what you are most comfortable in or what is best for your body type or size.

Join a gym and upload some photos of you engaged in a sporting activity.

Try to keep it light hearted, playful and fun, don't write anything that makes them feel like they are going to be obliged.

I'm not convinced of the wisdom of working hard on distorting one's image like that. Sure, you'll get more replies that way, and that's important if you're getting nothing so far, but if and when you do meet, they could be in for a disappointment if the reality is too far away from the truth. If it's an Aspie you've attracted, they might notice that dishonesty quite acutely. Personally I'm quite sensitive to deception and look upon it as a bad sign for the kind of relationship I'm looking for.

I'd think it better to keep the photos etc. fairly realistic, and to improve your reply count via saturation bombing.

Boo. This avatar is a very old photo, one that I don't use anywhere else. But you are right. An overwhelming majority of people will not want to meet you or even talk with you unless your photos are great.

Wolfheart, I agree entirely with your post.

Tough Diamond, posting becoming photos of yourself is not necessarily deception.

Good lighting, good quality camera, taking diverse pics when you are out of the house and with people, etc. only represents you more accurately. There's nothing wrong with it.

Trying to appear slimmer or taller in your photos than you actually are, is, however dishonest.

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Photos are really important because in online dating, you don't have other ways to convey your attractiveness. You are just one face in a sea of a million faces. When you have the guts to put yourself out there and approach someone, that is much more attractive and personal, rather than being in the same boat as a million creepy pervs.