two mistakes/lessons I learned from online dating

Post Reply New Topic

He's exaggerating to underline a point. Women get far more messages on dating sites than men. Very few of the girls who've responded to my messages or initiated contact has bothered to read my profile and girls probably care as much or as little about what's written in the profile as boys do.

I once posted a picture of me flexing my muscles and replacing my entire profile text with one cheesy sentence. I got more winks and messages from women and girls aged 16 to 45 than ever before.

And I was really over her shoulder , I am the face of boo, I can watch everywhere. Last night I saw her drooling over some Thor-like guy's picture on okcupid, the wet keyboard was a very disturbing sight.

flat out declaring anyone who disagrees with you is a liar is useless and childish

Special? no. Different from your imaginary concept of a woman? hell yes.

Physical attractiveness is part of the package, but picture isn't the first thing I sort for, not that that would be a wrong thing to do
When I am online dating (which I'm not currently because I successfully used OKcupid to find a S.O., who I messaged first btw, which ik you think like totally nevar11! happens)

1.)First I read the message to see if it was written for me, or is a form message they could send to a lot of women at once. To pass this test the message has to reference something unique to my profile. I don't care how long or well written your message is, if it could have been sent to other people too, I'm not responding.
I also sort out crude/sexually explicit messages.
2.)If the message is unique I check out the users age and location, being outside of my stated age range (creepy old man) or geographically unrealistic are deal breakers for me
3.) I check for children, I'm in school, not a good match for a baby daddy
4.) I check the height, I'm 6' and I like taller guys
5.) I check the answers to some key questions, holding certain conservative beliefs are a deal breaker for me
6.)I look at the photos. Well shot photos of someone reasonably cute, but not a meathead or unrealistically hot (out of my league so to say, I have no interest in wasting my time) doing something interesting, are the best.
4.) If I'm interested I write back

I'm sure other women do things in a variety of ways depending on what they're looking for, what kind of messages they are getting.
It's stupid to pretend like everyone is exactly the same and does the exact same thing.



And rofl at guys caring about the content of profiles over pictures more than women do Kurgan. Most people, including men, are visually oriented. Like conventionally unattractive women have bursting inboxes ha!

9 out of 10 women are average or below average looking, and they usually think they deserve a super good looking guy too.

So you twist it by adding some points in order to make yourself sounds different from human nature - awww.


Let me tell why what you said above is almost the same of what i said. You made it point 6, o please, who are you kidding? The pic is seen in the message, and it's the first thing that appears when you enter a profile, it's how okc is designed, senders' pics even appear in the inbox so you would naturally click on the most good-looking first.

So if the guy is too hideous for you (or too "out of your league" in that matter) then you're not gonna waste your time by checking his age/location/height/kids/work/education because you would like 20 other guys lining up, you'll simply skip to the next guy, which makes my generalized filtering (simplified) process implies on you too. I bet that you're not going to reply him even if his message refers to something "unique" in your profile.

I simply don't believe that you go in this 6-points process every time, I bet that many messages refer to something "unique" in your profile because it's a common sense and the most common advice in okc forums, most guys know about it. Go ask the guys here:

"GUYS, how many times your wrote that refer to something unique in a girl's profile yet got ignored?"

I am sure there's plenty....



And Venger makes a good point too, a lot of ugly and obese girls think they deserve good-looking athletes too.


and oh, I never claimed that girls never initiate messages on okc (and again, photos are the first things seen in the search....), I was just telling how they deal with the messages they receive.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 29 May 2012, 2:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

You do realize by the very definition of the word average, this is impossible. You know what the word average means don't you?
Also, if you don't have a citation for a baseless assertion on what women think, don't make that assertion.
Lot's of people have unrealistic expectations and the format of online dating itself fuels selectivity but painting that as a feminine issue is absurd.

@ Boo
The picture size displayed next to messages is so small as to be useless. I happen to read the messages before I click on a profile to see a picture in a viewable size and do other checks. I'm not claiming to be a special snowflake, I'm providing an example that refutes your hypothesis that women look at pictures before reading the messages.
I do look at pictures before replying, they looked at mine before messaging me in the first place. Why would I want to "lead on" a guy I wouldn't be interested in? (regardless of what I find physically attractive) Would you prefer if women replied to men based only on how much 'effort' was put into the message regardless of other considerations?
I got a lot more "Hey, how're you?" and "Hi I'm Blank, I really like your pic, message me back" than messages that have clearly been written just to me, let alone messages that are funny/charming/interesting/indicate in any way they chose to message me for any other reason than liking my picture.
Messages get ignored for a lot of reasons, saying it's only because women are too picky or shallow, or want better than they "deserve" is disingenuous.

also lol at your awwing attempt to patronize me

I think this sums it up for guys.

1. Aesthetics + Game = Success.
2. Game = Another numbers game but better. If you got good game, you can make up for aesthetics easily.
3. Aesthetics = Numbers game. Lots of girls will like your body or facial features but then it's about closing.
4. Neither = Biggest numbers game of all. You're better off online though where you have time to respond to girls and can come off looking better than you are.

Yes, the pics are small there but still visibly can give an obvious idea, especially for the close up face pics.




Do you think it really matters for the guy whether you ignored him because you looked at his pics first or you read his message and then looked at his pics? Either way, you ignored him because of his pics and the guy won't know whether you appreciated his message or not.



Awwwww (i am just yawing)

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 29 May 2012, 3:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well I'm not going to speculate on the inner lives of people who aren't me (the thing I'm trying to get you to stop doing.)
And the good looking guy who sent "sup babe" get's ignored too. At the end of the day, I ignored him for his message and he won't know if I appreciated his ab shot or not.

Would you "appreciate" a thought out, well written message from one of those obese unattractive girls you talked about earlier?
Would you "appreciate" a lazy/offensive message from a women who's pictures you like?
My point isn't that it's not at all about the looks, it's that it's far from only about the looks.
There are a lot of stopping blocks and photo readiness is only one of them. And in my case, which is likely the case for other people too, more men tripped over the "crappy message" block than the "is this a picture of bigfoot taken with a potato" block.
Pictures I personally can only see well enough to made a judgement on by looking at their profile (on ok's format), which I only do if the message is interesting.

YES, I reply to them and thank them for the message regardless how unattractive she is, i won't ask them out but i ll thank them nevertheless. Why? Because i can afford doing that, i don't receive tons of messages like girls do, it's a matter of feasibility.



You said those are out of your league anyways.



If it's humorous, maybe, I'd assume that any woman who took time trying to offend me in some initial message is secretly interested somehow . I made her message me after all.


I won't judge her just because of one message.




So what makes the difference between one interesting message/profile and another? the pic again

I made a fake profile once full of typos but with a pic of a male handsome athlete, it got initial messages and visitors far more than any dating account I made.

I agree with this as well, looks are good at opening that initial attraction, that's a given, a Lamborghini or even a Volkswagen camper van with a funky paint job is always going to be more eye catching than an old Fiat.

However it's good to remember that looks only matter when it comes to creating the initial attraction or getting a test drive if we use the car analogy, they don't help in areas such as maintaining a relationship or having a quality relationship. Someone might date someone for the wrong reasons, someone might marry someone based on looks instead of compatibility and that can lead to a divorce or a relationship that doesn't work in the long run because it was based on superficial attraction.

So what makes the difference between one cute picture and another? How interesting the message/profile is again


.
You did a thing one time and got a result. This anecdote proves how all women think and act.



Wolfheart is saying some very interesting and I think mostly right things here.

By stating the obvious?

I much prefer the obvious to the incorrect.

lol

yea, it's obvious that looks don't matter later in the relationship but you need the damn initial attraction in order to even start one whether it will be good or bad.

Just to clarify: i wasn't saying that women do this because they're women, i was saying that women do this because they receive hordes of pms, it's the only feasible possible way. Men would do exactly the same if they receive pms that much.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 29 May 2012, 7:24 am, edited 2 times in total.