Adult toddlers and adult tantrums.

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Chronos
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31 May 2012, 11:40 pm

I thought I would post this here because I thought you parents might appreciate this.

I'd like to talk about adult toddlers and adult tantrums. I'm not speaking about people on the spectrum who get overwhelmed or have melt downs. I'm speaking of perfectly neurotypical adults who can't seem to control their temper or realize how they are acting in public.

I observed one of these individuals the other day, when a very young child threw themselves on the ground in the mall and began to have a tantrum for what could have been any number of reasons. The mother, unphased, calmly picked the child up and carried it away, but not before some man became rather "huffy" and decided to voice his discontent in an audible manner about how the child shouldn't be brought to public places if the mother couldn't keep it under control, and how the child needed a spanking. Mind you this child couldn't have been more than 2 years old.

I expect very young children to have tantrums. I expect them to be impatient, to not understand the world very well, and to have difficulty properly expressing themselves, however I expect a little more of a grown man in their 40s, 50s or 60s.

I found it so very ironic that this man was acting more childish than the child he was speaking about. I observe things like this rather frequently in adults, and it makes me wonder how their own parents disciplined them, because it does not appear to have been very effective.

I was curious what types of experience some of you parents might have had with such individuals.



League_Girl
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01 Jun 2012, 1:36 am

Sounds like a childfree person you saw. Lot of childfree people think like that and you can't seem to please them, even if you do take your child out of the situation.

Of course not all of them are like that. I bet the good ones don't post in the childfree communities because it's all so negative and if you don't agree with them, you basically get flak for it and get called a troll or breeder pleaser.


Besides back in the days, kids were seen, not heard. Parenting has changed over the years and so has standards about kids. Now it seems to be socially acceptable to let them scream in public and not do a thing about it. I guess I can take my baby to the restaurant now and let him cry and not ever leave. I wonder how babies were kept quiet back in the days? Were they not taken out in public to certain places?

My son is usually quiet out in public and only fusses when he doesn't get his way or when he is tired or bored. He will throw himself on the floor now and I scoop him up. he did that at the bank the other day when I took two cars from him because we were leaving and he lied down on the floor and started to cry and I picked him up and left. I also make him walk than carry him because he is too heavy for me to carry and it makes my arms sore. I do use a stroller but not got short distance. I will hold his hand and we walk. I bet stupid childfree people would think I am doing that to show him off with his walking skills and going "Look how cute he is, he is walking with me." They think of the dumbest things about parents. They even have the term baby stalking. They are convinced parents go out and talk to their little off springs to draw their attention and comment on their little ones, or that they come to the restaurant and sit right next to their table for their attention or that they bring the to places such as to the post office to show them off and I wonder how often I have baby stalked. :roll:


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CTBill
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01 Jun 2012, 5:45 am

League_Girl wrote:
I wonder how babies were kept quiet back in the days?

Paregoric. It might even still be legal in some parts of the U.S. 8O



Wreck-Gar
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01 Jun 2012, 7:09 am

Just look at a lot of the comments on news sites like CNN and FOX. Plenty of adult toddlers there. This phenomenon is a bit more rampant than a lot of people realize.



League_Girl
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01 Jun 2012, 9:37 am

CTBill wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I wonder how babies were kept quiet back in the days?

Paregoric. It might even still be legal in some parts of the U.S. 8O


How did that pill keep them quiet? I looked it up and it's used for diarrhea.


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liloleme
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01 Jun 2012, 11:19 am

They did lots of things in "old days" ;)....like rub whiskey on teething babies gums and that sort of thing that would give us a heart attack. If that guy yelled at me like that Id go stomp on his foot and give him something to yell about. My husband says he is happy that I dont understand much of what people say unless he tells me and believe it or not most French people keep their ideas to themselves if they are not related to you. I had to lock myself in my room with my screaming five year old because my Father in Law yelled at her for breaking a glass....she is a child and she is autistic and she is also very sensitive to people yelling at her or displeasing people so I held my temper and just sat with her and rocked her until she calmed down....fortunately I was not as ill as I am now or that would have been difficult.

I did have a ugly confrontation with a man in Barnes N Nobel once when Maddy was still about 3 and was just starting to say words after we started therapy. I let her have her sucky (pacifier) because it helped her to self soothe and she did not hold it between her teeth and the dentist told me it was not an issue but some old man at B&N had to go on and on and on about how I would regret it and she would have buck teeth. I was trying to be very nice and I finally told him from between my clenched teeth that my daughter had autism and he said "well, those kids are going to make even more fun of her if she has buck teeth and shes retarded".....my husband heard me yelling at him and having what we call "sailor mouth" from the other side of the store and came and saved the poor man before I killed him. So I guess Im one of those temper tantrum people....can I use being an aspie as an excuse? LOL....I tried to be nice, I swear I did but he didnt want to stop and he pushed me right over the edge.

Also League girl if you son is getting too heavy to carry you should try this http://store.ergobaby.com/ It is the best and most comfortable baby carrier ever. You wont even know you have them on your back. you can buy them anywhere....I recommend getting one from ebay or a used one as they are soft and broken in, not to mention far more cheap. I carried my last three babies as long as I could because once they grow up your empty arms long for them.....I promise....even if it is on your back. It was easy for me to get Maddy in and out of this carrier. I would put one side on, lean over, slide her leg in the side and then pull up the other strap and bounce her a bit until we were both comfortable. She could see all around and was much happier. If you read the site it also shows how the design is good for the growth of their hips and legs. My husband preferred to use this carrier to our big metal hiking carrier when we would go out hiking. Its awesome! You can look on youtube for a video (if you look up "How To: ERGObaby Carrier" you will get all the Ergo baby carry positions by the manufacturer) that shows how to put baby or toddler inside all three positions. You can use back, front, or side carry. We used this with Maddy until she was around 4 1/2 and my husband even carried my son in it when he was nearly 7 because he had an accident and could not walk for awhile. My kids are pretty normal size. Anyway, just thought Id mention it because we had so many problems with Maddy. She would manage to get out of a stroller and would pull her hand out of ours and plop on the floor and also climb out of a shopping cart (we finally got her over that but that backfired, I got her to count things and then I had issues with her wanting to count EVERYTHING...live and learn).....we also found out that she would not have meltdowns in stores and other places that used a lot of lighting if we put sunglasses on her. I know your son is typical as far as you know so far but the carrier may help, its not specifically for autistic kids.



CTBill
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01 Jun 2012, 11:59 am

League_Girl wrote:
CTBill wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I wonder how babies were kept quiet back in the days?

Paregoric. It might even still be legal in some parts of the U.S. 8O


How did that pill keep them quiet? I looked it up and it's used for diarrhea.

It is a tincture (liquid) containing opium (think painkillers or heroin). Rubbibg it on a teething baby's gums brought instant relief to the child (and anyone within earshot, as well). When I was young (late 60's/early 70's) and we would visit my cousins, my aunt would give us kids a teaspoonful each when she put us to bed. Furthermore, we looked forward to it because it had a pleasant, sweet licorice-like flavor and it left the throat all numb. It was a common "tool" in many a parent's medicine cabinet--people weren't so uptight about giving their kids narcotics if it kept them comfortable and helped them sleep.

Imagine an entire department store or restaurant filled with smiling, drooling, happy babies. Sure, they were smacked out of their little minds on paregoric, :twisted: but they were well-behaved!

Oh, and it was quite effective for diarrhea as well. :P



OliveOilMom
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01 Jun 2012, 12:55 pm

Paragoric was taken off the market in the 80's (at least here) because folks were extracting the opiate out of it and getting high. Some would just drink a whole lot of it to get the buzz. Here, it was in Donagel PG.

People would also use it to help with opiate withdrawals. Many people use Immodium now to help with that, but they take a lot more of it than the package calls for.

Opiates and opiods tend to constipate people, and work well for the runs. They also work well for a nonproductive cough.


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League_Girl
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01 Jun 2012, 3:20 pm

So babies were drugged back in the days so people would have their peaceful time in public and not suffer. I should ask my parents if they got drugged as well.


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CTBill
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01 Jun 2012, 6:32 pm

League_Girl wrote:
So babies were drugged back in the days so people would have their peaceful time in public and not suffer.

I don't think it was that bad despite my earlier (hypothetical) postulation. I believe most parents were trying to alleviate their childrens' sufferings first and foremost, not their own. Besides, they had booze and benzodiazepines (and oftentimes barbiturates :!:) for that purpose. And remember, it's generally a mistake to judge events of the past by the standards of today.



XFilesGeek
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01 Jun 2012, 7:15 pm

I think people used to dope their kids up due to a lack of proper medical knowledge, not necessarily because they wanted to give their kids dangerous drugs.


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momsparky
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02 Jun 2012, 6:45 pm

CTBill wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
So babies were drugged back in the days so people would have their peaceful time in public and not suffer.

I don't think it was that bad despite my earlier (hypothetical) postulation. I believe most parents were trying to alleviate their childrens' sufferings first and foremost, not their own. Besides, they had booze and benzodiazepines (and oftentimes barbiturates :!:) for that purpose. And remember, it's generally a mistake to judge events of the past by the standards of today.


Nope, I've heard of this happening (even now) with benadryl and whiskey, too. People were much less tolerant - believe it or not - than the "adult toddlers" described by Chronos, to the point that parents felt they either had no other choice or that it was their responsibility.

I don't know that it was every parent, but I've heard enough stories to guess it was many parents.



liloleme
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03 Jun 2012, 5:37 am

When I had no medication for my oldest son with Bi Polar I had a doctor actually tell me (this was before he was diagnosed) that when he was hyper I should give him some benadryl. I would not give my son anything until he was diagnosed when he was 12 but he found a friend who had faster acting drugs, street drugs and he preferred them over his medication.

For my Autistic Daughter and my son with Aspergers we use a weighted vest (my daughter actually requests it) or their weighted blankets.

I think Ill stick to writing short text from now on because it is painful for me to type and it makes me upset when everything that I write is ignored. Ill save my fingers for my books.



ZoeyStarchild
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24 May 2016, 11:29 pm

Well I am not a parent but I am a babysitter with Autism. And I also have meltdowns which are referred by people as tantrums. I get on the floor and scream and cry and have gotten a bit of control on where I have them. These are all at home. My husband always calls me a toddler. Only one time I had a meltdown in a store and nobody really thought it was weird that I was crying and stomping my feet because I appear to look 11 according to my friends and I just made it to 5 foot 2 barely.Back to babysitting. But then the parents wonder how I keep the kids from crying and ask me and I mention my Autism and how I can spot a meltdown a mile away. And I just ask what's wrong and let them point or tell me the problem. And if they are on the floor I mimic them until I get their attention and they stop and play with me and try to get me off the floor. But what I learned from children and myself is that we aren't that different at all. I have a little speech problem and normally it shows itself when I'm playing with the kids. When I talk i sound a little bit like I'm 3 which may be why kids warm up to me and don't see me as an adult. So perhaps that man had Autism also and had a meltdown? Toddlers, kids and adults aren't as different as you think. The sooner we break down the barrier between kid and adult is actually when you will understand each other more :oops: