Why am I so different from absolutely everybody?

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I can't relate to NT's for patent reasons that everyone here is aware of. The only sensory issue that I have though, is light. I actually do have a "theory of mind", I use this to my advantage. I found that if you talk to people in a particular way, you're mapping an image of yourself inside their head. If you make them believe that you are stupid, you cease to be a problem or a threat. Because how do people regard stupid people? They don't. I don't lack empathy, depending on the person. I love my mother and my best friend, but I could care less if the rest of my friends and family died. I just can't bring myself to care.

I was diagnosed with aspergers, though the psychologist stressed that it was the most mild form. I can't help but believe that I'm neither an Aspie nor Neurotypical at times, but what else could I be? Perhaps it's just that every case of Autism/Aspergers is unique...I also get the feeling that nobody really cares about me either. And I would deserve it, because I don't really care about them, but it makes me feel horrible at the same time. The weird thing is that I can understand facial expressions, and I understand the whole social concept, I just can't put it into action. The psychologist claims that I've "learned" much about social interaction. But I have absolutely no idea how to apply it, except for the simplistic things. That is, I can't apply them around people I don't know. But I'm extremely social around those I do know, and that's just with talking, not with "one sided conversations" etc.

But I heard that that ability to socialize around those I know is not at all like an Aspie. I'm so irritated. I wish I could flick the switch between Aspie and Neurotypical whenever I wanted.

I can understand you, because I'm also a mild case and went through similar problems a few months ago. Try to forget about your diagnosis. Just accept yourself. Aspergers diagnosis is not like measuring temperature, you'll never be 100% certain that you have it or not. IMO it's valid if you can help yourself with it. You know your weaknesses so you can try to eliminate at least some of them. You also know your strengths, so develop them and try to find, for example, a job in area of your special interests.

Most important thing: don't categorize your behavior (like "this was NT, this was AS"), because, as I said before, you'll never be 100% certain. It's a simple way to create an obsession about it.

I can relate. If I have Asperger's, which I suspect I do, it is a very mild form. I believe I can understand facial expressions without any difficulty, and I have studied social dynamics to a great extent. Alpha male, beta male, pecking order, all that. I understand that we are animals and we can't deny the part of ourselves that behave as animals in a social group. I simply stand outside of that group as an observer.

Basically, I don't play the reindeer games. Even if I know all the rules, I lack the coordination. I don't have the skill set.

So, even if it is a mild form, and we don't have a lot of the challenges that those deeper in the ASD spectrum have to deal with, that doesn't mean it doesn't have a dramatic impact on our lives. It even, as you have observed, can leave you sitting on the fence. A minority among a minority. We're the 1 in 1,000,000 oddball.

It doesn't matter. Like the guy above me said, forget your diagnosis. Forget Asperger's. Forget Austism. Forget NT. You're different. None of these terms can define you. You define yourself. And every day you have a new opportunity to define who you are. Master you. Be the best YOU you can be. No one can put a label on that.

It sounds like you are a unique and odd individual that doesn't conform to herd mentality and become boring. You might be an interesting person to meet--it is too bad your self-esteem appears to be low.