Older Men/(Women?)

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Joined: 5 Apr 2012
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06 Jun 2012, 9:14 pm

Men old enough to be my father, please stop hitting on me. How do I signal when I'm in public, that I'm out for reasons other than to be hit on?
How do I make it clear on online dating sites, that my stated age range isn't up for negotiation?
I don't know if it's some vibe I put out, happening to encounter a bad cross section of people, or if it's just that people want a PYT to the extent that they don't care if they are acting inappropriately.

Do other people have issues with clearly age inappropriate people going after them? even when you've made it super clear that is not ok?
Or does anyone feel like their youth is fetishized in a way that makes them uncomfortable?
Any tips for dealing with it in a way that is firm and discouraging enough without being too "bitchy"?

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edgewaters
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06 Jun 2012, 9:45 pm

Can I ask how old you are? Or just a general idea?

NicoleG
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06 Jun 2012, 9:52 pm

I would recommend going for flat bitchy, but I'm not one to talk. I'm too nice, even to creepy people flirting with me.

DogsWithoutHorses
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06 Jun 2012, 9:58 pm

edgewaters wrote:

Can I ask how old you are? Or just a general idea?

college aged

NicoleG wrote:

I would recommend going for flat bitchy, but I'm not one to talk. I'm too nice, even to creepy people flirting with me.

I have a hard time not being nice. It's hard to turn of the drive to be seen as feminine and good and actually stand up for myself.
And then I think because I don't have a lot of practice being assertive, hen I do decide to let someone have it, it's too much.

Last edited by DogsWithoutHorses on 06 Jun 2012, 10:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Apple_in_my_Eye
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06 Jun 2012, 10:01 pm

So, do you come to this thread often? What's your sign?

I have no experience with having to do that but maybe you could say something like, "huh, you remind me of my dad. He's old, too." Or, "you look like my dad" or something.

ThinkTrees
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06 Jun 2012, 10:07 pm

Maybe some simple directness..on your profile the words "Not negotiable" beside the age parameters stated, and in person, the words, "This is inappropriate, " with a look of surprised repulsion on your face, or even a polite smile to accompany, as if you are educating a child.

Sleazy people are gross at any age, and unfortunately, unavoidable.. in my experience anyway.

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DogsWithoutHorses
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06 Jun 2012, 10:11 pm

Apple_in_my_Eye wrote:

Ha!

Maybe, I hadn't thought to go there. I don't have a great mental picture of what my dad would look like at the age he'd have been now so I think it just never crossed my mind. Seems like a useful suggestion, thank you.

Shatbat
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06 Jun 2012, 10:12 pm

Say firmly "sorry, I'm not interested", and just keep repeating it until they leave. I bet some of them will be persistent, but they will probably annoy you enough that you'll have an easier time not being nice :lol:

And work on your assertiveness I guess.

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thewhitrbbit
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06 Jun 2012, 10:15 pm

Some dating sites allow you to block people based on criteria. See you can limit messages to those who meet your age range requirements.

As for in public and such; I don't know what to tell you other than as annoying as it might be, there are prob girls out there who would give anything to be hit on like that.

DogsWithoutHorses
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06 Jun 2012, 10:18 pm

I guess it just bugs me too on a social level that older guys target younger women in this way. It feels predatory.
I wonder if anybody here has had a "cougar" experience and if they felt similarly.

@thinktrees & @shatbat
thank you, seems like sound advice to me

edgewaters
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06 Jun 2012, 10:31 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

edgewaters wrote:

Can I ask how old you are? Or just a general idea?

college aged

Yeah ok there's some sort of thing in society with young women/middle aged men, I think. There's a bunch of college aged women where I work and they make me uncomfortable sometimes, pick up a bit of an excessively friendly vibe, especially when they're all running in a pack. But I never have to deal with anything in particular, so its no big deal really.

Having to turn people down all the time, that must be annoying. I would make note of the age thing (like the "Dad" comments suggested) just to let it be known you're not into that young woman/older man fetish, maybe word will get around and you won't have to deal with it so often.

mds_02
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06 Jun 2012, 10:38 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

Have had such an experience. But (and maybe because it's so rare) I tend to be flattered when a woman expresses an attraction toward me, even if I'm not interested in her.

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Last edited by mds_02 on 06 Jun 2012, 11:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

rabbittss
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06 Jun 2012, 11:32 pm

Hurm.. now what would have happened had I posted the following:

Quote:

Women heavy enough to equal 3 of me, please stop hitting on me. How do I signal when I'm in public, that I'm out for reasons other than to be hit on?
How do I make it clear on online dating sites, that my desired body type isn't up for negotiation?
I don't know if it's some vibe I put out, happening to encounter a bad cross section of people, or if it's just that people want a PYT to the extent that they don't care if they are acting inappropriately.

Do other people have issues with clearly dangerously overweight people going after them? even when you've made it super clear that is not ok?
Or does anyone feel like their attractiveness is fetishized in a way that makes them uncomfortable?
Any tips for dealing with it in a way that is firm and discouraging enough without being too "bitchy"?"

To answer your question seriously however, since I feel it does actually merit a serious response.. I've never been approached by an older woman on a website, but I have been hit on and put into uncomfortable situations by women in their late 30's and early 40's in real life.

As for how to get them not to do it? I'm all ears as I've yet to found a way except to not go to places they spend time.

DogsWithoutHorses
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07 Jun 2012, 1:36 am

@rabbittss
um yeah, if you want to talk about a completely different thing, the conversation will probably also be different...
(though I'd appreciate if you want to talk about that thing you'd start a new thread, fat is a super loaded topic and a guaranteed derail)

When older women hit on you did it feel like they were hoping your inexperience would make you easier to manipulate? The desire for a power imbalance is a big part of what puts me off.
I'm interested in hearing the straight male/gay male/gay female experience with this stuff because even though I date women, I've never had to field that kind of attention from women I have a socially unacceptable age gap with.

ThinkTrees
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07 Jun 2012, 2:10 am

I've been manipulated by people younger and older, made no difference in my experience. The predator nature is unaffected by age.

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DogsWithoutHorses
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07 Jun 2012, 2:26 am

ThinkTrees wrote:

I've been manipulated by people younger and older, made no difference in my experience. The predator nature is unaffected by age.

Yes. I didn't mean to say older people are inherently predatory.
Just that going after perceived lack of experience / naivete strikes me as a little icky. (which is just a personal feeling I'm open to being challenged on)
Same aged people seeking out people they perceive to be more easily manipulated is also icky. (imo)
It's just an attitude I have only encountered so far from older men looking for a pretty young thing to play with in the hopes she'll be easier to "deal with" than a woman on more equal footing.

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