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restlesspirit
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16 Dec 2012, 7:17 am

Mike same here,, at least now i know why im this way and Im not defective,, as I have thought,, just not wired like the rest of the planet,, Im relativly happy,, but it really is all i can do to run my home and work,, and keep it sane,, I woudnt mind the kind of relationship i mentioned in my prior post but at 54 most men want the ssecuirty of a marriage and/or live in situation, I can handle neither. My son is probrably PDD and weve worked out our own truces over the years, he has his part of the house and I have mine and we meet in the kitchen,, or ill go in the living room and talk to him,, he goes out with me shopping but we both need our spaces.. Marriage was suffocating to me.



Mike_the_EE
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16 Dec 2012, 8:13 am

restlesspirit wrote:
Im relativly happy,, but it really is all i can do to run my home and work,, and keep it sane,, I woudnt mind the kind of relationship i mentioned in my prior post but at 54 most men want the ssecuirty of a marriage and/or live in situation, I can handle neither.


We do sound similar. I am also relatively happy. I'm 50, never married. I don't have any children, but my parents are in their 80's, an hour away and I'm the only "kid" within 1000 miles, so between them, work and maintaining a home, I have about all that I can handle. Suffocating in a marriage, as you put it, is a concern. Finding the appropriate relationship appears to be unlikely, but I will continue to try.


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sisterphoenix
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03 Jan 2013, 1:07 pm

I am NT, and had a very successful relationship with an AS guy. Before me he'd never "found a person who'd understood the strange puzzle piece that he was".

It took a small amount of effort to learn his "code", but once I cracked it, we had a beautiful relationship. It was different than any other NT/NT relationship I'd had, but it was amazing.

It ended only because death parted us. And he will be deeply, deeply missed.

Relationships are a challenge whether its AS/AS, AS/NT or something else. But when you find the magic, it will have been worth the heartache (I think).



Mike_the_EE
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03 Jan 2013, 6:01 pm

sisterphoenix wrote:
Relationships are a challenge whether its AS/AS, AS/NT or something else. But when you find the magic, it will have been worth the heartache (I think).


That's the hope that I cling to.


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That was the equation!
Existence, survival must cancel out programming.

Aspie Score 141 of 200
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Nier
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05 Jan 2013, 3:27 pm

*waves hand in the air*
Yup, another one over here.

Reading posts like these make me feel less like the odd-one-out. Reminds me why WP is so helpful in some regards.
As others have described, I also could cope with a relationship if there was plenty of space & alone-time.

Throw in sensory issues (touchy feely hand holding...nope) and a distaste of romance (but instead believe in honesty, friendship, wanting the best for someone, wanting to have fun, explore, express individuality, encourage freedom, be reliable & loyal) and it seems so distant from what many people expect that it seems dishonest to even try to engage with them.

That's even before I get to the fact that it takes a long time to make friends & trust someone. Even then, you might be compatible in personality but not physically. Then there are the quirks, the occasional meltdown, the black-hole 'want the world to go away' times. Sheesh. That's too many parameters to solve simultaneously. No wonder i'm single... :roll:



ALguy1957
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05 Jan 2013, 11:03 pm

sisterphoenix wrote:
I am NT, and had a very successful relationship with an AS guy. Before me he'd never "found a person who'd understood the strange puzzle piece that he was".

It took a small amount of effort to learn his "code", but once I cracked it, we had a beautiful relationship. It was different than any other NT/NT relationship I'd had, but it was amazing.

It ended only because death parted us. And he will be deeply, deeply missed.

Relationships are a challenge whether its AS/AS, AS/NT or something else. But when you find the magic, it will have been worth the heartache (I think).


That is so sad. But I'm glad it worked for you. I've come pretty close once already with an NT who was too disabled to get outside. Yes, I'm sure it is worth the effort. I'm borderline and don't really need much "space" as most mention in here. Even a "clingy" woman would probably work just fine with me. NT or mildly AS would likely be my best bet.



Aspinator
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10 Jan 2013, 10:41 pm

I am a 56YO man who will soon be 57 and I have never been in a LTR relationship. I used to be under the impression that I needed to be a relationship to be complete but thank goodness I don;t think that way now.



queen_of_grenyarnia
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11 Jan 2013, 2:52 pm

Count me in! 43, female, straight, single. Before I found out about Aspergers (at age thirty-eight) I had been in quite a lot of "relationships" in various forms, from ONS to live-in-boyfriend and engagement. It was a huge relief to find out why I never worked in most of them and why I felt so stifled and suffocated. Horrible experiences, I was under constant stress. The only one that didn't bother me too much and that I still consider my ideal form of relationship was a sort of "exclusive friends with benefits"-arrangement with a man who lived a 2-hour-drive away :wink:

I don't know how people connect on a deeper level and I have absolutely no need for "romance". I find it a ridiculous and useless social concept. Being loyal friends and having sex should be enough. If I also had my own living space, an arrangement like that could still work. But I am very happy alone and love that I finally use my life the way I want: following my own interests. With no one there to complain about it or bother me with romantic expectations I cannot fulfill. I could also do with an intellectual, sexless Sheldon Cooper/Amy Farrah Fowler - relationship, I like that very much. So if there's a Sheldon out there - preferably far away - send me a pm :wink: (I am a lawyer, but I wouldn't necessarily set up a written relationship agreement - although I kind of like the idea :lol: )



restlesspirit
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11 Jan 2013, 7:54 pm

al im not severe, i work,, raised my son,, have pets, etc. I cant handle marriage,, my own lasted 2 years, but i knew before i married, i shoudnt have gone though with it,, i did anyway and regret that. But i didnt know about aspergers back then. My only hope is my previous post.. somoene that understands aspegers,, is willing to have a LTR with seperate residences,, etc.



seaside
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19 Jan 2013, 5:04 am

sisterphoenix wrote:
I am NT, and had a very successful relationship with an AS guy. Before me he'd never "found a person who'd understood the strange puzzle piece that he was".

It took a small amount of effort to learn his "code", but once I cracked it, we had a beautiful relationship. It was different than any other NT/NT relationship I'd had, but it was amazing.

It ended only because death parted us. And he will be deeply, deeply missed.

Relationships are a challenge whether its AS/AS, AS/NT or something else. But when you find the magic, it will have been worth the heartache

'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all... :cry:



restlesspirit
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20 Jan 2013, 2:49 pm

queen_of_grenyarnia wrote:
Count me in! 43, female, straight, single. Before I found out about Aspergers (at age thirty-eight) I had been in quite a lot of "relationships" in various forms, from ONS to live-in-boyfriend and engagement. It was a huge relief to find out why I never worked in most of them and why I felt so stifled and suffocated. Horrible experiences, I was under constant stress. The only one that didn't bother me too much and that I still consider my ideal form of relationship was a sort of "exclusive friends with benefits"-arrangement with a man who lived a 2-hour-drive away :wink:

I don't know how people connect on a deeper level and I have absolutely no need for "romance". I find it a ridiculous and useless social concept. Being loyal friends and having sex should be enough. If I also had my own living space, an arrangement like that could still work. But I am very happy alone and love that I finally use my life the way I want: following my own interests. With no one there to complain about it or bother me with romantic expectations I cannot fulfill. I could also do with an intellectual, sexless Sheldon Cooper/Amy Farrah Fowler - relationship, I like that very much. So if there's a Sheldon out there - preferably far away - send me a pm :wink: (I am a lawyer, but I wouldn't necessarily set up a written relationship agreement - although I kind of like the idea :lol: )


I fully agree, but at my age a lotta men want either a nurse with a purse or a descrete sexual thing and I am not into either one,, i woudnt mind the same kinda reelaitonship, best one I ever had was with a man who lived with his parents and we dated but never lived to gether or spent the night together, ,, it was kinda a friends with benefits thing but we were exculsive and considered oursefls bf and gf.

Ur first paragraph is me in a netshell, i felt under stress all the time,, and suffocated..,, nothing worked and as soon as the lust wore off i wanted out,, never seem to be able to get beyound that infatuation stage.



Meistersinger
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23 Jan 2013, 5:10 pm

I'm 55 and single. I might look, but I don't touch. I consider myself too strange to be married, or to bring anyone else into this world.


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restlesspirit
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24 Jan 2013, 9:14 am

Mike_the_EE wrote:
restlesspirit wrote:
Im relativly happy,, but it really is all i can do to run my home and work,, and keep it sane,, I woudnt mind the kind of relationship i mentioned in my prior post but at 54 most men want the secuirty of a marriage and/or live in situation, I can handle neither.


We do sound similar. I am also relatively happy. I'm 50, never married. I don't have any children, but my parents are in their 80's, an hour away and I'm the only "kid" within 1000 miles, so between them, work and maintaining a home, I have about all that I can handle. Suffocating in a marriage, as you put it, is a concern. Finding the appropriate relationship appears to be unlikely, but I will continue to try.


Ive made my peace with things,, I would like to find a relationship like i mentioned but as u say it appears unlikey,, my parents are deceased.. myson lives with me but is older and doesnt need me around all the time,, but I dont need a live in man either, but,, someone with either aspergers or an understanding of it,, with similar interests,, wha would be an approrpiate relationship?



BlackSabre7
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30 Jan 2013, 10:19 am

Married. Together for nearly 16 years. He is killing me. I find myself unable to not say 'unseemly' things about it.
I know if I try to leave, someone will die. I've known that for years. Yet it still felt unreal when he recently randomly said, 'I don't know how many people are gonna die if you divorce me". (A few days previously we had had an argument, and I said if he doesn't quit (....whatever.....) then I'd divorce him.)
I made out I thought he was joking, and asked, 'My parents?' he said not. (I know he'd kill them) Who then? He said Julia Guillard. (Australia's PM) I made fun of it, but I know he has the contacts and the skills to do it. I also know he would not target her, he'd target my kids, my parents, maybe my siblings, then me, then himself. Lucky I don't 'feel' the reality of this, and I'm a bit disconnected from this, so I can play dumb effectively. But I know rationally that it is true.
:help:

But on a lighter note...... ':jester:'
I think ideally, if I had a say, and it wasn't going to cost anyone but me, I'd choose to live mainly by myself. But I do like having someone in bed.
I think my own house, his own house, joined in the middle by a bedroom. Optional using of that.
That could work. Peace is all I want. I don't like feeling policed all of the time.

And I, for one, am not clingy or needy. I do like basic good manners and consideration. :pig: