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dobrolvr
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13 Jun 2012, 9:27 pm

So, I was at my grandma's earlier, and mentioned that I needed paper towels. My grandma said there were some in her utility closet. When I went back to find them, I couldn't. So, my grandma came back there and she pointed them out to me. I said something along the lines of, "no wonder I didn't see them, they were under that pile of crap." Then, my mom said I was being mean and shouldn't talk to my grandma that way. But, the paper towels were under a pile of stuff, so I thought I was just stating the obvious and then my mom thought I was just being difficult. My parents are always saying I'm being intentionally difficult and that I just argue for the sake of arguing, even though I'm usually only trying to explain my side. Anyone else have this issue?



Tim_Tex
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13 Jun 2012, 9:30 pm

Not me, but I have two words: Huffington Post.


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2wheels4ever
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13 Jun 2012, 11:23 pm

Before when my family said 'you might have Asperger's' and I said 'no I don't" this used to happen a lot more often. I think arguments are a waste of time so why would I want to? But since I've accepted AS before them and explained why I do what I sometimes do it's gotten a little easier, or maybe it's just a lot less than the typical 'end of the world' when they say 'I need a break' and I hear 'I never want to see you again'


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13 Jun 2012, 11:27 pm

Maybe if you said "No wonder I didn't see them, they were under that pile of stuff" there be no argument there from your mother.

Crap has a negative meaning I think so it will be taken the wrong way. But mom has always called my stuff crap too and called my worn out shoes crappy shoes. That is how they all talk in my home so I talk that way too. I call my sons toys stuff kindercrap. My mom hates it and so does my husband. But I never mean nothing bad by it. I just find the term funny.

My mom also thinks I argue but not like this. She understands. She thinks I argue when I don't like the answer I get when all I am doing is asking questions about their answer. She also thinks I argue because I have the right to disagree. I don't know what else. I just always argued my whole life lol. Asking questions is also seen as arguing. Mom knows I don't do it on purpose. My dad has never said anything about it. I just say I like to argue or else I would always keep my mouth shut.


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13 Jun 2012, 11:38 pm

to put it bluntly, it's a dick-measuring contest, and it sadly comes in more forms than you could imagine.



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13 Jun 2012, 11:40 pm

dobrolvr wrote:
So, I was at my grandma's earlier, and mentioned that I needed paper towels. My grandma said there were some in her utility closet. When I went back to find them, I couldn't. So, my grandma came back there and she pointed them out to me. I said something along the lines of, "no wonder I didn't see them, they were under that pile of crap." Then, my mom said I was being mean and shouldn't talk to my grandma that way. But, the paper towels were under a pile of stuff, so I thought I was just stating the obvious and then my mom thought I was just being difficult. My parents are always saying I'm being intentionally difficult and that I just argue for the sake of arguing, even though I'm usually only trying to explain my side. Anyone else have this issue?

I get the "stop being a smart-a$$" comments in these sorts of situations. I'm usually just trying to explain myself. Drives me crazy. Argh.



again_with_this
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14 Jun 2012, 4:21 am

dobrolvr wrote:
So, I was at my grandma's earlier, and mentioned that I needed paper towels. My grandma said there were some in her utility closet. When I went back to find them, I couldn't. So, my grandma came back there and she pointed them out to me. I said something along the lines of, "no wonder I didn't see them, they were under that pile of crap." Then, my mom said I was being mean and shouldn't talk to my grandma that way. But, the paper towels were under a pile of stuff, so I thought I was just stating the obvious and then my mom thought I was just being difficult. My parents are always saying I'm being intentionally difficult and that I just argue for the sake of arguing, even though I'm usually only trying to explain my side. Anyone else have this issue?


I wouldn't have taken it personally if you referred to all the stuff in my closet as "crap." But remember, what defines "crap" can be subjective. You see it as "crap," grandma might see it as necessities.

That said, why didn't grandma clarify that "they're in the closet, but you may have to dig for them"?



Last edited by again_with_this on 14 Jun 2012, 4:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

Joe90
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14 Jun 2012, 4:30 am

I tend to stir up arguments with my mum. Like when she twists about in front of the mirror being unsure if what she's wearing ''looks funny'' or not, and then she asks me and I just yell, ''I hate answering that question so I am not answering it!'' Then an arguments starts up because I hate hearing those words ''does this look funny?'' I'm like ''WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'LOOK FUNNY'?! IF THAT 'LOOKS FUNNY' THEN WHAT THE HELL DOESN'T?! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !''


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Cio
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14 Jun 2012, 4:37 am

I don't have this issue. Other people have this issue. ;)

So yes. I find that:
If someone is "wrong", they are more easily insulted.
If you are direct, but this information offers no direct benefit for someone, this is hurtful/blunt.
We require more specific instructions in unknown situations and it takes time to understand how others explain things. Get to know them.
It's easier to let someone else screw up. (Are you sure it's in there, I don't see it? I would rather not mess up your system to find X)

And yes, the word crap was probably overly negative. Then again, "being difficult"? If I got that attitude from family members, I would probably end up showing less respect for how they view things. Not that this helps of course.



dobrolvr
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14 Jun 2012, 8:05 am

2wheels4ever wrote:
Before when my family said 'you might have Asperger's' and I said 'no I don't" this used to happen a lot more often. I think arguments are a waste of time so why would I want to? But since I've accepted AS before them and explained why I do what I sometimes do it's gotten a little easier, or maybe it's just a lot less than the typical 'end of the world' when they say 'I need a break' and I hear 'I never want to see you again'


I hear the same types of things. Like when my mom says 'I can't talk to you anymore about this right now.' I hear 'I never want to talk to you again.' and then I just get that much more frustrated. Only,I can't always explain things using AS since my diagnosis has been postponed. But my mom knows that I have it. I think she just doesn't always want to admit it. For one, I have two cousins with AS who are both male, and I think sometimes she thinks because I'm female and my symptoms dont clearly present the same, I must just be quirky and difficult to get along with.



dobrolvr
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14 Jun 2012, 8:09 am

League_Girl wrote:
Maybe if you said "No wonder I didn't see them, they were under that pile of stuff" there be no argument there from your mother.

Crap has a negative meaning I think so it will be taken the wrong way. But mom has always called my stuff crap too and called my worn out shoes crappy shoes. That is how they all talk in my home so I talk that way too. I call my sons toys stuff kindercrap. My mom hates it and so does my husband. But I never mean nothing bad by it. I just find the term funny.

My mom also thinks I argue but not like this. She understands. She thinks I argue when I don't like the answer I get when all I am doing is asking questions about their answer. She also thinks I argue because I have the right to disagree. I don't know what else. I just always argued my whole life lol. Asking questions is also seen as arguing. Mom knows I don't do it on purpose. My dad has never said anything about it. I just say I like to argue or else I would always keep my mouth shut.


That's how I am too. I ask so many questions about responses that my people, especially my parents ask, just to clarify why they said what they said, and it's viewed as being argumentative, when that's not at all how I meant it. I didn't mean it negatively, just as an alternate word for stuff.



dobrolvr
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14 Jun 2012, 8:13 am

FishStickNick wrote:
dobrolvr wrote:
So, I was at my grandma's earlier, and mentioned that I needed paper towels. My grandma said there were some in her utility closet. When I went back to find them, I couldn't. So, my grandma came back there and she pointed them out to me. I said something along the lines of, "no wonder I didn't see them, they were under that pile of crap." Then, my mom said I was being mean and shouldn't talk to my grandma that way. But, the paper towels were under a pile of stuff, so I thought I was just stating the obvious and then my mom thought I was just being difficult. My parents are always saying I'm being intentionally difficult and that I just argue for the sake of arguing, even though I'm usually only trying to explain my side. Anyone else have this issue?

I get the "stop being a smart-a$$" comments in these sorts of situations. I'm usually just trying to explain myself. Drives me crazy. Argh.


I know, all I try to do is explain myself too and I get that same response.



dobrolvr
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14 Jun 2012, 8:14 am

again_with_this wrote:
dobrolvr wrote:
So, I was at my grandma's earlier, and mentioned that I needed paper towels. My grandma said there were some in her utility closet. When I went back to find them, I couldn't. So, my grandma came back there and she pointed them out to me. I said something along the lines of, "no wonder I didn't see them, they were under that pile of crap." Then, my mom said I was being mean and shouldn't talk to my grandma that way. But, the paper towels were under a pile of stuff, so I thought I was just stating the obvious and then my mom thought I was just being difficult. My parents are always saying I'm being intentionally difficult and that I just argue for the sake of arguing, even though I'm usually only trying to explain my side. Anyone else have this issue?


I wouldn't have taken it personally if you referred to all the stuff in my closet as "crap." But remember, what defines "crap" can be subjective. You see it as "crap," grandma might see it as necessities.

That said, why didn't grandma clarify that "they're in the closet, but you may have to dig for
them"?


Yeah, you're right...I hadn't thought of it that way before.



dobrolvr
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14 Jun 2012, 8:16 am

Joe90 wrote:
I tend to stir up arguments with my mum. Like when she twists about in front of the mirror being unsure if what she's wearing ''looks funny'' or not, and then she asks me and I just yell, ''I hate answering that question so I am not answering it!'' Then an arguments starts up because I hate hearing those words ''does this look funny?'' I'm like ''WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'LOOK FUNNY'?! IF THAT 'LOOKS FUNNY' THEN WHAT THE HELL DOESN'T?! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !''


I unknowingly start a lot of these types of arguments too. :lol:



dobrolvr
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14 Jun 2012, 8:21 am

Cio wrote:
I don't have this issue. Other people have this issue. ;)

So yes. I find that:
If someone is "wrong", they are more easily insulted.
If you are direct, but this information offers no direct benefit for someone, this is hurtful/blunt.
We require more specific instructions in unknown situations and it takes time to understand how others explain things. Get to know them.
It's easier to let someone else screw up. (Are you sure it's in there, I don't see it? I would rather not mess up your system to find X)

And yes, the word crap was probably overly negative. Then again, "being difficult"? If I got that attitude from family members, I would probably end up showing less respect for how they view things. Not that this helps of course.


:) Yeah, sometimes it's hard to not be difficult when you're always being told you're difficult. Though, thats not what I was doing here. Thanks for the tip on re-wording things.