Diagnosis & custody

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As a divorced parent whose ex would like to get full custody, would seeking a diagnosis of ASD (for myself) be a risky thing to do?

I don't know. You should probably talk to a lawyer about that. I'd also think that your functioning level and how well you have managed so far to be a parent would be taken into consideration. I wouldn't think that someone who is a good parent would be penalized because they happen to get a dx later in life.

Then again, I share my dx on a need to know basis, and I wouldn't think an ex would need to know.

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I don't know if it would hurt, but I can't imagine any way in which having a diagnosis for yourself would be an advantage in family court. I only see downsides from ignorance and potential predjudice on the part of mediators and judges.

I would weigh the benefit of getting a diagnosis vs giving my ex concrete proof of any claim he has made about me. If you need the help, then definitely seek it. But if the diagnosis is just for your own personal knowledge, I would proceed carefully,

As a mom who has been in similar circumstances, I would be extremely cautious about this. There are a lot of ridiculous misconceptions about asperger's, including the myth that we are incapable of feeling empathy, that could sway a judge against you. In my experience, the courts prefer the most "normal" appearing parent.

When I read this, the first thing that came into my mind was that movie with Sean Penn. I forgot what it's called, but in it he plays a mentally challenged man who's trying to get custody of his 7 year old daughter. Yes, he was given an incredibly hard time about it. I forgot how it ended. The point, though, is it seems to be relevant especially in matters involving children. I guess I'd leave the ASD bit out of the picture for now.

I would second that this is a question for your lawyer, and if you do not have one, I would advise getting one. (Speaking as someone with past, positive experience with a custody battle and the role of my lawyer in getting it resolved in a way I can live with).

I guess I would ask this: if you got a diagnosis, how would they know about it? How would it be different from a diagnosis of breast cancer, or anything else?

I do agree that you need a lawyer's opinion, though.

Why are you pursuing a diagnosis at this time? If it's just to satisfy your curiosity you might just want to skip it...

^^ I wouldn't do it. And if you feel you need the diagnosis because you need medication to cope you may not get the diagnosis you were expecting.

Thanks all. I suspected it might not be worth the risk that my ex could find out. Maybe I could get some counseling or support that would help me do more with my life and be a better role model for my kids, but I manage.