Confidence

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I suggest you seek help before that becomes a psychosis.

Exactly.

And most of our beliefs about ourselves are subjective and not fact at all.

Like, I'm a loser/successful, worthless/valuable, pretty/ugly, fat/fit...etc.

None of these beliefs are fact.

I mean, even the fat/fit one. Compared to the young Terminator, you might be fat. Compared to a morbidly obese person who can't get out of bed at all--then you might be relatively fit.

(edit: and I know I used the young Terminator and someone who is physically disabled from their weight as two extremes, but those are just subjective examples--the point is that we choose our criteria to base our beliefs--it's not some "fact." I don't want to say that someone who is disabled by their weight should be thought of as "fat"--because that title suggests that's part of who they are, and they could just as easily be thin with the right medication etc. But seeing one's self as the thing one is trying to avoid being is self defeating.)

If thinking you're fit is going to get you out of the house to do some exercise, and thinking you're fat is going to keep you home to avoid ridicule, then thinking your fit is the more logical choice if you want to change your situation.

It's a lot like the water being half empty/half full.

If you hate water, and you're like "awwww! If I have to drink another glass of this stuff I'm going puke!" Then viewing the water glass half empty might motivate you to finish it and get on with your life.

So your saying that the only way you should live life is through misery and pain forever?

If all a person wants is sex, by all means, confidence is all they need.. If a person wants *anything* else, they need patience, understanding, someone on equal intellectual footing, personal security and self-respect. Missing even one of those, one will have a hard time.

Say one goes to a bar, one full of average, boring normal people, and sits quietly sipping on a drink of whatever sort, and is sitting next to a person of the target gender, who is also quietly sitting and drinking. A confidant person (with really nothing to be confident about -most confident bar-goers that I've met are only like that because they have to hit up every woman to find someone to go home with) approaches and fails MISERABLY, which leaves an opening for either quiet party to make a comment, starting a conversation.

Also, in the workplace or dating friends, you can get to know someone over a year or more (such as my current BF; we started dating about a year after we stopped working together) and confidence in either party is more or less unnecessary.

No, I simply believe some people are born to be happy, and the rest of us are born to be miserable, and that deluding ourselves into thinking otherwise is not constructive.

Monkeybuttorama, you do have trust though which is in itself a level of confidence in someone.

Which shows that you have confidence and leadership skills.

Someone told me that what you believe to be true isn't the same as what is actually true. =P

Last edited by PastFixations on 21 Jun 2012, 3:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Not in the case of control freaks.

one small group. In general dominance is seen as a way of showing confidence. End of story.

Oh let me tell you stories about these physically "dominent" men...

Oh man they can have the worst temper, and be the crankiest biatches who need special treatment in order to be happy. Then they also get fickle and get upset at the smallest stuff. Instead of dealing with problems, they will whine and blame it on someone else. Then they need pampering to get back into their original mood.

Also, I am a tiny woman, but some will use their physical dominance and not take me seriously, even though I am doing my job. Like seriously, he's not man enough to deal with a woman?

I laugh at the idea that a physically big, muscular man naturally has confidence and leadership skills.

Also I find it cowardly when some of these men will act aggressive and puff up like peacocks when they are agitated, as if they are going in a fight, when it's just me, who obviously will get crushed. It actually is to the point where they will scare me sometimes. Definitely not attractive.

Last edited by deltafunction on 21 Jun 2012, 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I never said they do, but they look like they do.

It's all about genes, if you have good genes for it (good charisma & confidence genes) then you're set. I don't have those genes.

And it absolutely holds true. I believe this to be the case, but it doesn't mean it is. It definitely is from my experience however.

Trust is an accumulation of things, though, such as understanding, compassion and even an intellectual equality, it is not, in and of itself, confidence, though yes, it plays a role. (I should have included trust, you are correct)

Arguably, though, confidence could be rolled into just about anything else, but by itself is not necessary, which is what I meant. I apologize I was not clear

genes are overplayed. Its all about development.