Perhaps I'm just meant to die alone?

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deltafunction
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21 Jun 2012, 2:19 pm

Xenu wrote:
Kinme wrote:
Xenu wrote:
Kinme wrote:
Xenu wrote:
Kinme wrote:
Maybe you should stop worrying about it for now, considering you're only 18. You've got awhile to worry about relationships. Have you tried focusing on college or something else?


Well I'm 19 in about a month.... And like I'm going to college but I just really miss being in a relationship... And I hate more just hate how terrible I am in talking to women... I guess this thread was more of a thinly veiled talking to women advice thread lol...


Well, you're talking to a woman now. Terrible? I don't think so.


Well it's different, I mean I don't know you that well or have a crush on you because of that I have no problem talking with you. (not that I have crushes on every woman I meet because I really rarely do have crushes on anyone, I'm just saying I couldn't have one on you because I don't know you)


Ah, I see. Even women you know well? Issues, as in how? Shy?


Well no, women I know well that are friends I have absolutely no problem talking with. It's only when I have a crush on them or if they are new. And I'm shy, but even when I break the shyness and go to talk to a girl I just don't really know what to say... And like I'll either end up talking too much about my interests or not talking enough at all... And I'm also terrified of complementing a girl like telling her she's cute or pretty or anything because I don't want them to think I'm just trying to get into their pants or anything... I really have no idea how to go about this all lol...


Any girl who would think that is jumping to conclusions.


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rabbittss
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21 Jun 2012, 2:23 pm

noname_ever wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
DonkeyBuster wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
Once I hit 30, I plan to take up smoking and drinking heavily. I have no interest in living past 35.


Yeah, I was stunned as hell to make it past 21, figuring someone else would kill me if I didn't do it myself, & here I am at 55. Still don't have a 5 year plan. :lol:


Unless things change in the next 2.5 years, plan A will commence as scheduled.

You may not have the desire to live past 35, but those thing alone won't kill you in 5 years (may take 30+).


Obviously. I intend to do a lot more crazy things like bungy jumping, drinking the water in mexico, eating lettuce in India.. sky diving.. Whatever I fancy really.



outofplace
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21 Jun 2012, 3:40 pm

Well, I will say that at 18 you shouldn't jump to conclusions. You simply have not been exposed to enough people yet to make that decision. Plus, at your age, it is much easier to find a girl who will be understanding of your lack of experience and give you the nudge you need to learn these valuable social skills. Wait too long and the expectations go up significantly, to the point that it will be much more difficult. What you probably need is another person who has a lack of self esteem in this area and thus will not judge you too harshly so long as you do not judge her. Instead of focusing heavily on appearances, try focusing on finding a girl who is a kindred spirit. In the end this is far more likely to result in a connection than just finding someone you only want to have sex with.


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simon_says
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21 Jun 2012, 4:36 pm

I had no hope of that kind of thing at 18. None. But time and effort later gave me more options.



Uri
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21 Jun 2012, 6:22 pm

outofplace wrote:
Instead of focusing heavily on appearances, try focusing on finding a girl who is a kindred spirit. In the end this is far more likely to result in a connection than just finding someone you only want to have sex with.


What a load of BS. Intimate relationships are about sex and also about being (physically) close to each other. What's the point of being in an intimate relationship at all if there is no sexual or physical contact and intimacy?



Last edited by Uri on 21 Jun 2012, 6:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

PastFixations
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21 Jun 2012, 6:30 pm

Xenu wrote:
Kinme wrote:
Well, you're talking to a woman now. Terrible? I don't think so.


Well it's different, I mean I don't know you that well or have a crush on you because of that I have no problem talking with you. (not that I have crushes on every woman I meet because I really rarely do have crushes on anyone, I'm just saying I couldn't have one on you because I don't know you)

Also speaking online is TONS easier than face-to-face encounters.


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21 Jun 2012, 9:35 pm

deltafunction wrote:
Xenu wrote:
Kinme wrote:
Xenu wrote:
Kinme wrote:
Xenu wrote:
Kinme wrote:
Maybe you should stop worrying about it for now, considering you're only 18. You've got awhile to worry about relationships. Have you tried focusing on college or something else?


Well I'm 19 in about a month.... And like I'm going to college but I just really miss being in a relationship... And I hate more just hate how terrible I am in talking to women... I guess this thread was more of a thinly veiled talking to women advice thread lol...


Well, you're talking to a woman now. Terrible? I don't think so.


Well it's different, I mean I don't know you that well or have a crush on you because of that I have no problem talking with you. (not that I have crushes on every woman I meet because I really rarely do have crushes on anyone, I'm just saying I couldn't have one on you because I don't know you)


Ah, I see. Even women you know well? Issues, as in how? Shy?


Well no, women I know well that are friends I have absolutely no problem talking with. It's only when I have a crush on them or if they are new. And I'm shy, but even when I break the shyness and go to talk to a girl I just don't really know what to say... And like I'll either end up talking too much about my interests or not talking enough at all... And I'm also terrified of complementing a girl like telling her she's cute or pretty or anything because I don't want them to think I'm just trying to get into their pants or anything... I really have no idea how to go about this all lol...


Any girl who would think that is jumping to conclusions.


Xenu, truth is most girls just think "oh somebody is talking to me.....what should I say back?" So you realy nothing to worry about, unless of course your going around saying "hey nice breast!! :thumright: ".


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Xenu
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21 Jun 2012, 9:42 pm

outofplace wrote:
Well, I will say that at 18 you shouldn't jump to conclusions. You simply have not been exposed to enough people yet to make that decision. Plus, at your age, it is much easier to find a girl who will be understanding of your lack of experience and give you the nudge you need to learn these valuable social skills. Wait too long and the expectations go up significantly, to the point that it will be much more difficult. What you probably need is another person who has a lack of self esteem in this area and thus will not judge you too harshly so long as you do not judge her. Instead of focusing heavily on appearances, try focusing on finding a girl who is a kindred spirit. In the end this is far more likely to result in a connection than just finding someone you only want to have sex with.


But that's exactly the kind of girl I look for.



Xenu
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21 Jun 2012, 9:43 pm

PastFixations wrote:
Xenu wrote:
Kinme wrote:
Well, you're talking to a woman now. Terrible? I don't think so.


Well it's different, I mean I don't know you that well or have a crush on you because of that I have no problem talking with you. (not that I have crushes on every woman I meet because I really rarely do have crushes on anyone, I'm just saying I couldn't have one on you because I don't know you)

Also speaking online is TONS easier than face-to-face encounters.


Not for me.



darkfoxkyoko
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22 Jun 2012, 12:44 am

Uri wrote:
outofplace wrote:
Instead of focusing heavily on appearances, try focusing on finding a girl who is a kindred spirit. In the end this is far more likely to result in a connection than just finding someone you only want to have sex with.


What a load of BS. Intimate relationships are about sex and also about being (physically) close to each other. What's the point of being in an intimate relationship at all if there is no sexual or physical contact and intimacy?


Oh, I don't know. The promise of a mutually beneficial relationship where both people can feel comfortable and accepted. Nothing big. BTW, you'll find that physical intimacy is best when it springs from emotional intimacy. The aspie I am dating actually has most of his problems in identifying attractiveness and intimacy. If he sees something past PG-13, he'll throw up. He's 21. (He is working through this of course.) Despite this it's been one of the best, most intimate relationships I've ever been in. Intimacy isn't all about physicality. It's also mental, emotional, and spiritual.



Uri
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22 Jun 2012, 5:17 am

darkfoxkyoko wrote:
Intimacy isn't all about physicality. It's also mental, emotional, and spiritual.


But it is about physicality. Seriously, you guys are so full of s**t.



darkfoxkyoko
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22 Jun 2012, 11:52 am

Uri wrote:
darkfoxkyoko wrote:
Intimacy isn't all about physicality. It's also mental, emotional, and spiritual.


But it is about physicality. Seriously, you guys are so full of sh**.


That is my experience. Why do you insist I'm wrong? Also being physical =/= intimacy. I've had it both ways, but I can't go into too much on these forums. Have you had experience to the contrary?



biostructure
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23 Jun 2012, 12:18 am

Please DO NOT put off trying to solve this problem and assume it will resolve on its own, if you just focus on your schoolwork. Your peers will move ahead in their romantic/emotional development, leaving you farther in the dust until very possibly some day you will be so depressed you almost cannot concentrate on your studies anymore.

Be glad that you already had at least one relationship so far at 18. I'm 27 and still haven't had one. Also, I wanted to comment on the following, because you may have a misconception:

Xenu wrote:
I also get friend zoned a lot not because these girls don't like me but because I'm so terribly awkward and I don't know what to say so I just can't tell them that I find them attractive or that I want to go out with them so I just talk to them like a friend but really awkwardly...


I wouldn't blame it squarely on your being too awkward to tell them how you feel. The "friend zone", in my experience, is NOT something you get put into because you didn't show it loud and clear enough that you like someone. If that were the case, making a "move" would get you out of it. It's more often that the other person only had platonic feelings to start with, and she never would have felt more.

It would seem the most likely girls for us aspie, “bipolar-ish”, artistically inclined guys to click with are similarly shy, moody, and creative girls, who can mirror our manic highs and mental energy. These girls are also easy enough for me (and maybe other brainiac guys) to engage mentally, and it’s easy to assume they’re just as easy to “woo” or get into bed, or that they’re headstrong enough to be the pursuers.

That very last part is in fact sometimes the case, BUT the gap between them liking your mind and wanting you as a boyfriend is surprisingly large, I’ve found. Many of the more attractive ones, at least, seem to go for guys who can create a social "niche" for them. This could be your problem, more than you acting like they’re “just friends you’re awkward around”, which sounds quite normal to me. Possibly the only way around this is to meet more quirky people, so get on it!



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23 Jun 2012, 1:53 am

Uri wrote:
darkfoxkyoko wrote:
Intimacy isn't all about physicality. It's also mental, emotional, and spiritual.


But it is about physicality. Seriously, you guys are so full of sh**.


Relationships are about much more than sex. Failure to understand that will end up in you being alone or unhappy most of your life. Now, initial attraction may well come from physical appearance, but unless you are just looking for a one night stand it will not be enough to sustain the relationship.


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outofplace
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23 Jun 2012, 1:55 am

Xenu wrote:
outofplace wrote:
Well, I will say that at 18 you shouldn't jump to conclusions. You simply have not been exposed to enough people yet to make that decision. Plus, at your age, it is much easier to find a girl who will be understanding of your lack of experience and give you the nudge you need to learn these valuable social skills. Wait too long and the expectations go up significantly, to the point that it will be much more difficult. What you probably need is another person who has a lack of self esteem in this area and thus will not judge you too harshly so long as you do not judge her. Instead of focusing heavily on appearances, try focusing on finding a girl who is a kindred spirit. In the end this is far more likely to result in a connection than just finding someone you only want to have sex with.


But that's exactly the kind of girl I look for.


Be patient then. It may well take more time for you than most people, but if you keep having interactions with people eventually you will stumble into something. However, you need to realize that if she lacks confidence then you will have to either be slightly more confident than her or show yourself to be a decent guy that will look out for her and protect her.


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23 Jun 2012, 5:22 am

outofplace wrote:
Xenu wrote:
outofplace wrote:
Well, I will say that at 18 you shouldn't jump to conclusions. You simply have not been exposed to enough people yet to make that decision. Plus, at your age, it is much easier to find a girl who will be understanding of your lack of experience and give you the nudge you need to learn these valuable social skills. Wait too long and the expectations go up significantly, to the point that it will be much more difficult. What you probably need is another person who has a lack of self esteem in this area and thus will not judge you too harshly so long as you do not judge her. Instead of focusing heavily on appearances, try focusing on finding a girl who is a kindred spirit. In the end this is far more likely to result in a connection than just finding someone you only want to have sex with.


But that's exactly the kind of girl I look for.


Be patient then. It may well take more time for you than most people, but if you keep having interactions with people eventually you will stumble into something. However, you need to realize that if she lacks confidence then you will have to either be slightly more confident than her or show yourself to be a decent guy that will look out for her and protect her.


i don't agree. i believe that, in the pursuit of an inferno, a pool of petroleum will not find another pool of petroleum to be his match. An outgoing woman that speaks alot may well need someone that gives them the room to say everything and take the time (or at least appear) to listen. Xenu, there's no need to force a change in yourself, you won't be given the option of dying alone; you are somebody's perfect solution. As outofplace says, be patient


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