Do you ever feel that people stop liking you and then.......

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tjr1243
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26 Jun 2012, 6:28 pm

....it gets so bad that you have to escape the situation?

For example, a friend (or group of friends), date, teacher, boss, you name it --- Do you ever find that people that used to like you seem to suddenly (or gradually) stop liking you.........and it gets so bad that you can't even be around them?

Countless times I get into this situation. People that used to be friendly start ignoring me - in the past it was jobs and I could not tolerate being around coworkers, the boss, etc. because it made me feel so bad :(

Have you ever felt that people stopped liking you, even one person, and couldn't tolerate being in the class, the room, the group (or any place the person was in).....so you had to leave forever? What were the consequences, if any?



Last edited by tjr1243 on 26 Jun 2012, 8:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

tjr1243
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26 Jun 2012, 6:32 pm

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PTSmorrow
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27 Jun 2012, 12:25 am

No, i don't have such feelings and even if i had i would handle them with care. How can you be sure that people don't like you or stop liking you? They might as well be distracted or have other problems or simply a bad day. There are many possible explanations and you would have to wait and observe their behavior for a while in order to be sure.



rebbieh
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27 Jun 2012, 12:54 am

I don't feel like people stop liking me but sometimes it feels like people get tired of me or annoyed at me. But that's mostly just in my head. After a while it turns out people are not tired of me and not annoyed. So, don't believe everything your mind tells you. People probably still like you. Of course I can't be sure of that but just don't jump to conclusions too quickly.



vanhalenkurtz
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27 Jun 2012, 2:38 am

It all comes down to a personal history of trust/betrayal. Risk assessment. Rejection ratio. I have zero tolerance at this point & wouldn't wish that on anyone.


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tjr1243
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28 Jun 2012, 12:27 pm

PTSmorrow wrote:
No, i don't have such feelings and even if i had i would handle them with care. How can you be sure that people don't like you or stop liking you? They might as well be distracted or have other problems or simply a bad day. There are many possible explanations and you would have to wait and observe their behavior for a while in order to be sure.


I can tell (of course, can't be sure) because they stop initiating contact and ignoring me when i'm around. It is true there are other possible explanations.



namaste
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28 Jun 2012, 12:34 pm

It happens with me all the time. I teach in a NGO we have tie ups with schools.

Just recently a new girl joined our school and she was given same assignment as i was having we used to interact a lot
i noticed that after couple of months she formed groups with other colleagues from our sister schools and they became quite close to such a extend of ignoring, snubbing and bullying me
i no longer feel like going to meetings, get togethers and functions in my NGO and this was happening in every place i was working

Now i keep distance before the snubbing and abuses increase.


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KittenKat
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28 Jun 2012, 1:24 pm

Yep, almost every time I come to a new place, whether it's school, work, church, etc. It hasn't happened at one job I have (currently, and when I was here before), but it's a really great group of people, with some unique people :) The church I'm going to right now is very good about community and being genuine, and I've found some friends there. One of them even said I didn't act weird! I'm hoping it doesn't take a bad turn like my friends often do, but I try not to hold out too much hope anymore. If someone wants to like me, so be it. If not, that's fine. I'll live. My mom has this problem too, and while I don't think she as Asperger's, she is kinda different, but really sweet, so I'm not sure why she has a problem with friends. Maybe we just tend to pick flaky people to hang out with?

~K



arisu
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28 Jun 2012, 1:39 pm

this has never happened to me, as far as i know. i'm not that aware of such things, for example even if someone had tried to bully me as a child i probably wouldn't have noticed.

i'm actually a fairly popular person, much to my dismay. so i cannot say that i've shared your experiences. the few people in my life who havent liked me have pretty much hated me from the start and on getting to know them, i must admit that the feeling was mutual. other things in my life have made me dream of running away though, or actually doing so, and it never helped.

i do know someone however whom people choose to avoid. being with her for extended periods of time can be quite trying because of the way she behaves. she's actually a very nice person but she does a couple of annoying things during conversations which over time can get overwhelming.

i don't know that she annoys everyone but most people we mutually know have commented at some point. i don't think they meant to be mean but taking a road trip with her for example was something they'd never consider. even i avoided her at one point and i know it hurt her feelings. gradually, i tried to make room for her in my life. she still does some of those annoying things but she's making an effort and so am i and i figure that's how it should be.

chances are there's a reason why people are treating you this way. it may not even be something big. try to find someone who you can talk to about this, someone who knows you well. they may be able to give you some honest insight.

i know you may be asking the online community because you feel uncomfortable or unable to ask someone you know but i do think that someone who interacts with you regularly or has done so in the past would be the one to shed some light. try to find someone who you know is a good person, too; they'll be more likely to really consider your questions and how to answer them.

be prepared, though. they may say somethings that are hurtful, even if they're not meant to be. still, if it's something that's making you feel like you can't live your life the way you want to then it's worth addressing.


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30 Jun 2012, 3:37 pm

Story of my life. I even changed the course I was studying at university to avoid having to see the people who used to be my friends and suddenly or gradually stopped liking me and started being hostile.

At some point I had to teach myself to cope with their presence when people stop liking me, because I can't keep running from places because they're there (jobs, apartments, etc).


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anneurysm
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30 Jun 2012, 11:13 pm

This has happened to me a few times, mostly with groups of people that I thought I'd get along with until I did something stupid and embarrassed myself. It's very hard for me not to take rejection personally, but as long as I avoid those people and begin hanging around with others that are more accepting and forgiving, this usually boosts my confidence. I also have to remember that I'm not a complete failure, and that there are people who love me despite my past mistakes with others.


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Bunnynose
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30 Jun 2012, 11:41 pm

Burning bridges is a habit I seem to have honed to some degree.

I don't like that I do it. But then again, I can't seem to stop doing it. And when I'm doing it, I don't recognize it for what it is. Instead, I think I'm righting a perceived wrong or standing up for myself or having fun at somebody else's expense. Obviously rejecting others is a defensive coping mechanism that does me no good whatsoever.

And the other failing is, I don't know how to be humble or less serious enough to get others to like me. With people, I suppose I still have an all-or-nothing attitude. Anyway long ago, I developed a hardness, a roughness, a toughness that as an adult I labeled as self-reliance. Being an independent straight female, the trait certainly is in opposition to my gender. So I know I rub people the wrong way just by being me.

Just found this quote online by Joseph F. Newton: "People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."

Well, most of the time I don't mind being alone. It's just those few pangs of loneliness that hurt. So now I need to read up on "building bridges" as well as learn about being conciliatory. If I find out how, I might just post back in this thread to tell of my findings.