An Article called Asperger's is not a race.

Post Reply New Topic

I have always thought that Aspergians who have friends, significant others and jobs were faking or were wanna be's. I guess because that's the way my life is; Friendless, relationship-less, on disability(SSI), etc.

THEN I read a persons post on experienceproject and it change my perspective completely!! Relevant EP post. The title is Aspergers is not a race. It opened up my eyes completely!!

Ever since I was a kid, my mother was a heroin addict and I had no father. Only step fathers who abused me. I grew up around drugs and alcohol and watched my little sister get molested when i was 7. Was taking as a ward to the state because of my misbehaving. My life was a wreck but that's what the author of this article says; People who have asperger's and have this type of upbringing are more handicapped than other people with asperger's who have a loving, caring, supportive family! It could make all the difference. Now if they encounter a problem they have support for this. So making frineds who understand is easier... a lot easier and very possible! IDK.......

This is such a great article though! So please take the time and read it!! !

If you haven't found the link in my post then here is a more visible one --> http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=2368761

It's an interesting article, I'll give it that. It says that "proud Aspies" are the ones who grew up with a loving, supportive family that encouraged their strengths and allowed them to indulge in their interests. I grew up (and still live in) in that kind of environment but I am the furthest thing from "happy and well-adjusted" due to being bullied from my peers at school and having several comorbid disorders.

I had a really sh*t childhood, including being molested, punished for being who I am when I didn't know what I'd done wrong, being mis-diagnosed and medicated for ADHD which caused drug reactions which I was punished for, having a single, unstable parent, and then an unstable alcoholic step-dad, being bumped around to different schools literally every year from 7th grade on (and a few times before that), being bullied, etc.

I'm very comfortable and happy with who I am now, I figured myself out, even though I didn't know *why* I was the way I was until much more recently..

I think a person can really go either way, just depends what you want to get out of life, I think.

Good post, though, I think that could be helpful for a lot of people, thank you for sharing! ^_^

I had supportive parents and they helped me throughout my childhood. I was still bullied and rejected and my own friends were mean to me. I am happy as an adult and adjusted I would say. My parents still support us and my husband supports me.

I would share my past experiences here but they are just as if not more depressing than Monkeybuttorama's (not trying to minimize in the least) A few differences but otherwise the same trip. I was in special classes for a few years getting help, That help vaporized when I turned seven. I wish I had gotten some more help growing up.

I started looking for help for PTSD and ASD related questions/problems/coping help just recently. By help I mean, HELP!! !! ! Help me try to understand myself and what the hell I've been through and what's happening to me now.

I got a broad dx from what I gather was a school psychologist when I was six after three rounds of testing in a year (major problems in kindergarten and regular class). My mother was displeased with the dx, didn't like the idea of raising a ret*d (her words not mine, she had others) Much arguing and fighting later, my step-father split shortly after my seventh birthday. She moved us to a different school district, no more "special classes". That was it. Then she took me to see a pediatrician, I walked out of that place with ADHD and a bottle full of Ritalin, then Cylert, then on and on it went. She was an amazing pill farmer... My grand parents got a lawyer and tried to take custody/have custody taken from her six different times... The govt thought "The child's best interests would be better served with mother" Along with constant physical/mental/sexual abuse and Drunken rages. I left home for good the day after I turned thirteen.

I remember once, she came to the top of the stairs, stopped, and fell backwards down the stairs.... When I got to the bottom and checked her pulse and couldn't feel it right away I felt relieved thinking she was dead. Sadly she lived. The pills and booze absorbed the fall... and slowed her respiratory/cardiac systems... She was blue.

I live in a very conservative place, I've been through insane amounts of very un-conservative sh*t. When I do manage to get a sitting with someone they are convinced right away that I must be lying... "You could not have gone through XYZ horrible thing" ...... "We can't help you here" or "Go see the guy you saw 10 years ago that isn't taking new patients right now and you are considered a new patient because you haven't talked to the guy in over a decade and you only saw him once and he told you he couldn't help you either"

Sorry, I guess I did share. I'm in a dark place right now.

Here an excerpt from The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships by Temple Grandin and Sean Barron


"Parents and teachers who are eager to teach "social skills" to children with ASD may want to take note of our two social perspectives as different starting points for instruction. They suggest not only how children with ASD think and learn, but the basic building materials they are born with that contribute to the quality and character of their social awareness.

For children born on path A, their sense of connection to the world, their happiness may always stem from a logical, analytic place of being; they resonate less to emotional--relatedness and more to intellectual pursuits. These are the often intellectually gifted children who can easily lose themselves in projects and learning, oblivious to the world outside their obsession, for whom facts and figures, problems and patterns are the stuff that dreams are made of, the "little scientists" on the spectrum.

For these children, their sense of being and relatedness is tied to what they do instead of what they feel. They relate to friends who have the same shared interests.


Path B children, in contrast, feel emotional--relatedness right from the start. They eagerly, although inappropriately at first, express emotions, make their needs and wants known through emotional channels, they "feel out" their world through their sense of social--emotional connection and are deeply affected when they and their world are out of sync with each other. Emotions infuse their being. They are emotionally demonstrative. These are the children who long for friends, peers with whom they can be emotionally connected. For them, social connectedness is motivating in itself, yet these children can't figure out what to do about the emotional undertow they have to fight just to keep their heads above water. "

That's the best and most accurate explanation i could find so far. The varying types we encounter later on in life are a result of this fundamental difference.

The upbringing of amboxer21 has doubtlessly caused severe damage additionally to his AS and i don't mean this as an attempt to negate nurturing. However, i'm definitely a Path A Aspie and although my loving and caring grandmother who was my primary caregiver did her very best in this regard, her efforts had only limited success and i would follow the rules but never socialize, never gain interest in people and their social lives and relationships. This trait has never changed and i always remained detached from humans and society. Not that i would miss anything, though.

However, i know from experience that there are also extremely social individuals with AS and we don't get along since our mutual interests and attitudes deviate too much from each other.

The distinction in path A and B describes innate differences between individuals whereas the environmental factors modify it in one way or another but can never actually change the basics. That is, even the most loving and caring parents can't transform a withdrawn loner into a social person. Nurturing can only promote what's there but not change the starting material. If one has no desire to fit in and socialize, nothing can force them. No way.

Furthermore, people are born with a particular temper. This circumstance also plays a role.

As to why people turn out to be who they turn out to be, I read something interesting a while ago about "orchid children" and "dandelion children."

It's a theory (well, hypothesis) that someone dreamed up. The idea is that some people are not affected very much by their nurturing or early environment, so they do well even if their childhood was really poor. Those people are the "dandelion children." They survive and thrive in any environment.

And the contrast is "orchid children." They are highly sensitive to the effects of their upbringing. So, with a really bad upbringing they end up doing really poorly. OTOH, if their early environment/nurturing is good they can do even better than the "dandelion children" who have the same environment/nurturing (which is probably why the trait doesn't disappear out of the gene pool; it has a potential upside).

I have a cold right now and my brain is running out of energy, so here's a link. I think it's really hard, not to turn this sort of stuff into a competition, which is too bad. I am aware of people who hard it really bad as kids but are doing fine now, as well as vice-versa. I think sometimes the results are just inexplicable. And there should be no shame in that.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/arc ... cess/7761/

Overall, it's a not a new concept. We all know that some people are more "sensitive" and others more "resilient." than others. (I, ugh, fit the "sensitive" description; I was a very, very sensitive kid. It gave me a few talents, though I'm currently in a bad mood and feel like saying it's always bad to be overly "sensitive.")

My parents were sensitive and accepting - they didn't need a diagnosis to understand me and love me for who I am.

Meanwhile, my teachers tried to punish and shame the differences out of me, while my classmates used me as an amusing target for their cruelty. Plus, my older foster siblings (kinship foster care of cousins) sexually abused me. So I had a lot of misery in my life, but my parents were always there for me and supported me.

So you grew up where half your environment (family) was supportive while the other half (school/community) was dysfunctional. That does not negate what the article said! School is a very huge part of any kid's life, hence why many parents get so irate about the issue of bullying. As for comorbid disorders, well that's what comorbid disorder means - something other than aspergers or autism - so don't blame hardship or handicap on the aspergers.

I like the "orchid children and dandelion children" theory. Just because some children are able to grow up as decent well-adjusted adults despite a horrendous childhood, doesn't mean those who grow up with some of the more stigmatized personality disorders (like borderline, narcissistic and antisocial) are any less human.

I was a type B person, I desperately wanted to share my emotions and thought with other people, I wanted friends and love but I never seemed understand how to get it. I was over-sensitive and the smallest disappointment or rejection completely overwhelmed me. Even if I had had loving and affectionate parents or had known about my AS sooner, I'm not sure I would have found childhood any less damaging. My upbringing wasn't particularly bad, but I was still severely effected by my problems, and ended up very depressed and self harming.

This is a good explanation I think as to why some adults seem to have a defeatist attitude and others a proud one, and why some turn in on themselves, and others never seem to stay down no matter how many times they fall.