I've fallen in love

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I've fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know it's for real.

Honestly, it really sucks.

I actually posted something about this a few months ago on Members Only Discussion, but since I was in denial back then, I asked the moderators to delete the topic.

Anyway, the reason it sucks (and the reason I was in denial back in April, when it began) is because I knew since then that I had absolutely no chance of success. At least until a few weeks later, when she did something which could be seen either as a sign of friendship or infatuation. After that, I decided to talk to her, even though I already knew her answer. Predictably, she apologized for the misunderstanding and we agreed on simply forgeting about that and acting as if nothing ever happened (surprisingly, it worked).

My problem here is not in the fact that we continue to be only friends (as regrettable as it is). It is not even my amazing incapability of being considered, or even considering myself, "dateable" (although it is a problem). The real problem here is that, despite being aware of the outcome, I still asked her and I did not really forget about her. I am currently somewhat obsessed about her (mostly thinking about her and what it could have been if I were less excentrical). And that is terrible.

I wish I could go back to my usual state of emotional detachment and almost no interest in women. Sure, I felt bad about being single sometimes, but it did not bother me as much. It has been about 2,5 months since it began, which is about 2 months more than it should take for me to get over it.

I think it's time to break free.

It is hard when you really love someone and the idea of going back to detachment sounds very comforting, but now that you know you can love it would be hard getting back into that state. I think the best way to "heal" is to let time pass.

You have to be sure when you walk out the door.

Seems you are trying to keep something going as though she'll return but you have to move on for your sake.

That or you'll end up with One Vision.

I kinda figured I would automatically go back to my previous state after some time, but maybe you are right: there is no turning back. I am not sure if that is a good thing, though.



Not really. I did not talk with her ever since we finished college, which was 2 weeks ago (not because I am avoiding her, mind you, but because I always were like this: I do not usually keep in touch with people after we part ways). And I never mentioned the "incident" again after we both agreed to forget it. I think I have done a very good job in making it look like I am not interested anymore. Even though I wish things were different, I recognize the futility of trying to change her mind.

been there, done that. minus making a move. It was obvious i liked her and we shared some classes and a bus ride together so wed talk in group every so often. But it was never more than a wish.