If you've ever felt scapegoated, outcast, or ostracized ...

Post Reply New Topic

Are you my alter ego? That sounds like my situation as well. My 3 years older brother is a VERY well paid Engineer (because he is a genius and companies chased him solely because of his marks) but would always squander his money to the point where my own mother restricted access to his own account! I was always the financially responsible one but was always tagged as "cheap". Ironically enough my financial situation isn't far behind his even though I've been underemployed almost my whole life. I should mention my brother is a pathological liar and could convince you that I was a serial killer even if you knew me your whole life. Pretty much turned every friend I had away from me because they believed his outrageous lies.

One thing I should add on this subject is that on the surface it appears my mother spoiled me rotten by showering me with attention but I realize she was only trying to shield me from the pain of rejection. She spent so much time with me because almost every relative refused to. and both grandparents saw nothing wrong with playing favorites: my brother on the fathers side and my (now) 26 year old cousin who was treated like a princess on my mothers side.

I feel ostrisized because I am bluntly excluded....wether its my cousins going to the mall or to see a movie without me ( btw we are all the same age and gender) ...... Not being picked to be in groups in school I always had to be placed some where by the teacher......... Being the friend in the group that they never called or texted or messaged or invited any where......always being more like the pet, or baby in the group

It upsets me somtimes .....but I don't like to pitty myself

Sorry I keep bumping these threads, but the ones I have, it's like I'm reading something I might of wrote myself.

In school, especially JR high this was so me. So many people HATED my guts. I know my social skills were bad and at that age, I was a gawky looking nerd but I did not deserve that. I still deal with flashbacks to this day over it.

I always felt uncomfortable around my fathers side of the family, in my mind I always tried to sugar coat them but as I grew into adulthood and looked back, I realize how sh***y they were/are. My grandmother wasn't what you would call the nicest person, her house was full of expensive furniture and tons of breakables. I learned early on, to keeps my wits about me when we went over to her house. Even if you breathed wrong, it could get one in trouble. In a small way, my grandmother was sort of like Hyacinth Bucket on decaf(Character from The British Sitcom keeping up appearances).

She always favored my cousins and my aunt's side of the family, even though everyone denied it. My grandmother passed away in 1997 and it was a bit of relief honestly. Years later, I decided I wanted nothing to do with my fathers side, I cut them off and am better off for it.

My Mothers side, after my grandparents(whom I was close to) passed on, it was awkward. I should say even before they passed on it was/is. I still hate going over to my Aunt and Uncle's, or my one cousins house. My 3 cousins are married and have kids. 2 live within an hour away and the other lives in Maryland, who I have not seen in 3 years. I'm single, so I have really nothing much to say to them and all that side of the family ever talks about is sports. Which I am not into whatsoever.

They at least knowledge my presence now, for the longest time, at every family gathering hardly 1 word was said and when I tried, it was met with silence. The only reason I even go to these gatherings(which are not often) but one of these days in the future, they all might get told to F themselves.

Ok I talked too much. Rant out.

My teenage years were the worst. Other girls saw me as weak and would emotionally bully me and exclude or reject me. It started when I was about 10-11.

At age 41, I'm still trying to forget things from age 12-21. Trouble at school, no friends to speak of, clashes with my father, and so forth. I had no clue(nor did anyone else) that I even had a condition. I was cranky, irritable, and burned out from being constantly, bullied at school, not understanding assignments, getting constantly yelled at, corrected, and outright ignored.

As I look back, some of these people I despise even more now then I did back then.

Read through these little unpleasant experiences I've had with other kids at high school and see if any of these feels familiar to you:-

When I was 11 I got my hair cut, and when I arrived at school the next day the two girls who were supposed to be my friends just said "oh my God!" and nothing else. And it wasn't in a "oh my God, you look lovely" kind of way, it was a bitchy "oh my God, what have you done to yourself?" kind of way.

When I was about 13 I was sitting in the school canteen with a crowd of other people from my class, and this boy came asking us if he could borrow 20p. When he asked me, I looked at him and said no, but I was shy so I must have said it too quietly. So he got close to my face and yelled at the top of his lungs "HELLO?! DO YOU HAVE 20P I CAN BORROW?!" It startled me so much that I yelled back "NO!! !" And he went all sarcastic, like "ooooo, stressy!", and the other kids laughed (WITH him, but AT me), even though HE was the one being stressy for shouting at me like that over a 20p. Did he think I was going to lend him money anyway after speaking to me like that? Entitled little prick.

One time I was sitting on the step outside the main doors of the school waiting for a friend, and these girls came up from behind me, and stood whispering. I knew what they were going to do, they were going to kick me where my coccyx are, not hard but just to get my attention. And I was right, they did. I turned around and they giggled at me and walked off. I wish I had just stood up so that they couldn't do it, but I didn't. (I wasn't sitting in their way, there were wide steps and I was sitting at one end).

One time when I was 15 I walked into a crowded bathroom that was full of girls from other grades who I didn't know, and as soon as I walked in I felt intimidated but tried not to show it. But as I made my way to a toilet cubicle (stall) one of the girls coughed but deliberately amplified the cough that ended with her just yelling a silly noise right in my face, and the other girls stared at me and laughed like I was some sort of freak.

When I was 14 these two random boys I didn't know kept calling me Japanese, even though I looked nothing like a Japanese person at all (I was blonde with blue eyes and my eyes weren't slanted or anything). But every time these two boys saw me they'd say the same "hi, Japanese!" I wasn't quite sure why they were saying that but whenever I tried asking them they didn't answer. They started calling me Japanese when I was standing and talking with two friends in the playground; one of the friends was actually half-Japanese, but they didn't pick on her at all, just me. This even baffles me to this day.

Then people wonder why I hate having Asperger's, because it means this is how you will be treated or spoken to by your peers at school. It doesn't happen so much in adulthood, but I think it's because my social skills have gotten better. But I think some autistic people still suffer this kind of treatment in adulthood.

Five years ago this month in 2016, I came out to my parents about the truth that I've always preferred Germany over Britain and that I'm Transgender. I also chose Germany over my family for my own mental health for 6 months, though I still phoned my parents. My mum disowned me over a self-made German helmet for nearly a week, two months earlier. Things are going better between my mum and I, though the clash of cultures is always going to be there. My mum was in denial that I'm Trans until last summer.

Not really. A feeling only requires you to feel a certain way. It doesn't need a logical basis. Feelings certainly don't require research or surveys.

As for feeling different, well, I have felt different in the past and will probably feel different from others in the future. You look at people around you, observe them, intellectually understand them, but deep down you can't. And you feel like nobody really understands you either. Occasionally you meet someone that you click with, and then you can really feel the contrast.

In the past I have been dismissed by teachers for not matching up to my peers in terms of work quality, though I learnt differently to them.

When I was younger I was very immature & acted inappropriately for my age. No one told me any different, PLUS.. my parents never knew how I acted around people at school nor on the internet.

Also, as a side note, my parents were SUPER protective of me. I was not allowed to have friends or interact with anyone outside of school. Not that anyone ever wanted to interact with me outside of school anyway.

I had trauma from birth, needed oxygen.
Rushed to hospital at 6 months old with pneumonia and parents told I might not make it through the night.
I am a life path 11 in numerology and we are known to have rough early lives. We are highly sensitive, and this can turn into hyper emotionality and victimhood or psychic ability and empathy.

My poor departed Dad was afflicted with narcissistic personality disorder, not diagnosed, a pretty malignant case.

I was an early reader, gifted, artistic, and mum was proud as punch of me at 2. I talked within 12months, out of nappies at 1.

Dad could not be outshone as it threatened his mental health so he focused on my poor co-ordination.
Rather than focus on my reading and gifts and listen to my mum validating me and encouraging me, I invalidated her by ignoring her and chose to see myself as my Dad's victim.

When we see ourselves as a victim, this sends out a message that others can pick on us, I became the family scapegoat.
Mum gradually turned like Dad, violent etc.

I made a big deal of the names I was called, totally ignoring the fact that other family members got called names too.
I got bitter and moved away and now have an awkward VLC relationship with family, I want them to know I had the wrong attitude when moving away.

I have made some bad errors in my life which could affect them.

My mum wanted me dependent and gave me bad advice which put me at financial risk. My trust was broken.

I can't have a normal relationship with them as they are still in predatory mode, yet as I may be leaving them a mess when I die, I feel bad going no contact.

I couldnt visit them as I think I would choose to go mute.
I don't want them to think I hate them, yet cannot have a frank emotional non blaming discussion with them as I taught them that they could gaslight and manipulate me from an early age.

I have.

I think when I was a kid it happened the most in my family. I was the poorly behaved one. I was the one that didn't follow unclear directions, and passive aggressive pressure. I was the one who struggled with unexpectedly basic things in school (holding a pencil, keeping my shoes on all day, knowing which hand to use, not chewing on my hair, etc.). I think maybe some of the scapegoating and becoming an outsider happened because I was just different, and some of them happened because my mom didn't understand where I was coming from. I think I didn't bond with her in the same way my sisters did and it hurt her feelings.

As for issues I've had over the years with being a bit of an outsider with my peers, I experience that too. As for why, I think that I had a tendency to either zone out and miss things my friends were saying, or dominate conversations. I've gotten better about that over the years, but I'm not perfect. Also, I've been told, even to this day, that my affect is a bit over the top. I think I am a bit of a strong cup of tea for a lot of folks, but some people like strong tea.

My ex used false, malicious gossip to ruin my other relationships when she wanted a divorce. I couldn't be everything she wanted me to be, but I certainly wasn't a villain except in her suspicions. The same stories came back to ruin my new friendships years later, refreshed by an accidentally offended landlady. I have been in exile for 15 years now.