Disinterested in Dating - Possible Reason Why?

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SanityTheorist
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06 Jul 2012, 2:05 pm

I understand why dating exists but overall I just find music far more pleasant than any human could ever be...human contact and relationships are needed to retain sanity but I don't see myself looking for sex/dating in the future. It could possibly be because all the gay men I have seen, (I am homosexual) besides one mathematics and Opeth fan, seem to be incredibly annoying and similar to those seen in gay pride parades.

I completely defy the stereotypes because they apply to only the most feminine of gay men. I listen to metal and I am very very masculine, and probably have some of the most reserved personality on this forum. Why is it so hard to find someone who shares beliefs that you do and does not rely on chemical dependence (cocaine, caffeine, tobacco, etc.) to solve their emotional problems? Lyrics writing and bass playing fix everything for me and are a far healthier alternative.

It is possible I am just fairly cynical now anyways. My childhood was one of back-and-forth near neglect by my father who spent almost no time with me (balance is best) because of work to my mother who had nothing better to do in the summers than suffocate me with attention. It has led to a very bipolar approach to people, one that wants to depend on them and a side that can't depend on them at all.

Could this affect my views on relationships significantly? My parents are divorced.

I was interested in one guy recently who was 17 and very mature, but had no sense of humor. Seems impossible to find a balance of intelligence and good humor sadly...his was very sadistic for the most part where mine was more of a goofy/wordplay style.

I thought I was gay, but it is possible I am asexual. I masturbate but derive no pleasure from it.

This might be redirected to the LGBT forum; wasn't sure which to put it in.


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PastFixations
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06 Jul 2012, 2:42 pm

Might be wrong but maybe you need to decide if you really want to be in a relationship for yourself?
Then think about your orientation and being true to yourself.
You have to trust your judgement for your own sake.


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SanityTheorist
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06 Jul 2012, 4:31 pm

My relationship would likely be platonic...best friends with benefits essentially.

Lots of cuddling/making out with video games and playing music together likely. Don't think I'd want to date a fellow aspergian unless they are high functioning though, I find it hard to have sympathy for those weaker than I as humans.


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nick007
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06 Jul 2012, 11:18 pm

Maybe you relate to this

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQ20JosnbwQ[/youtube]


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SanityTheorist
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07 Jul 2012, 10:31 am

nick007 wrote:
Maybe you relate to this

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQ20JosnbwQ[/youtube]


Pop should never be set to rock riffs haha...you'll get stuff like Avril lavigne's horrid Fuel cover always.

This makes me laugh though, you may enjoy it too: [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGtXlBbWeB4[/youtube]


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Fiz
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08 Jul 2012, 4:10 pm

Hey, some people are just not interested in dating or sex at all. I have a friend like this. He likes his own space and does not ever want to give that up. I personally wouldn't be able to not date but that's me. Obviously this is natural for you.


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thewhitrbbit
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08 Jul 2012, 10:10 pm

Maybe you want to look for the "Bear" gays or something.

I never really understood the whole gay guys acting like girls/lesbian girls acting like guys.

Seems to me if I was gay, I would want to date someone of the same sex and gender.



noname_ever
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08 Jul 2012, 10:13 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Maybe you want to look for the "Bear" gays or something.

I never really understood the whole gay guys acting like girls/lesbian girls acting like guys.

Seems to me if I was gay, I would want to date someone of the same sex and gender.


This. Try finding a masculine gay guy like a bear or marine. They do exist.



chessimprov
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08 Jul 2012, 10:37 pm

Stress, bad experiences, other close ones' bad experiences, culture, discrimination, prejudice, and people wanting to go too fast or too much pressure from anything are all good reasons that some people can get turned off to look right away or at all for a long period of time.



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16 Jul 2012, 2:43 pm

chessimprov wrote:
Stress, bad experiences, other close ones' bad experiences, culture, discrimination, prejudice, and people wanting to go too fast or too much pressure from anything are all good reasons that some people can get turned off to look right away or at all for a long period of time.


That might be it, I was pressured into dating by a girl (which is where I figured out I was gay, when she wanted to kiss.)

I think I am just skeptical of being used too because of how I was used in my past relationships or led on when there was nothing to be gained. Hmm...

Sorry for the late response, it didn't let me know a response was made.


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16 Jul 2012, 4:00 pm

Considering I was until recently in a very similar situation (the only real difference between you and me is the sexual orientation. I even suspected I were asexual a few years ago), I think your problem is that you have not found anyone you are really interested in. Recently, I developed feelings for a girl who is a friend of mine (even though I knew she did not feel the same way about me) and I suddenly became interested in dating.

Sure, I was curious about romantic relationships before, but I stopped thinking about as soon as I had something better to do (i.e. pretty much anything). Since a few months ago, however (when I became interested in her), I really wish we could have something. And I am still uncapable of feeling like this for any other woman. It makes no sense and it creeps me out a little, to be honest.



SanityTheorist
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31 Jul 2012, 11:05 pm

Magnus_Rex, I was in that situation a few months ago. However, he was already dating someone, so it just led to an intese yearning and desperation tog et him to notice me. I'd hate to repeat that, so it could be me setting up barrier as well.


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04 Aug 2012, 4:09 pm

For me, I'm officially turned off from dating because of the lack of quality women I am running into. Without being too critical of women in general, the ones who are interested in dating that I am meeting are almost exclusively very poor quality people. The incredible sense of entitlement and the nasty attitudes have been more than enough to turn me away from interest in women and on top of that not one has ever expressed an interest in a two way relationship: it's all me, me, me and I thought *I* was self-centered! I have no interest in dealing with a women that feels its a privilege to treat them to dinner like they are doing you a big favor. I was warned repeatedly that women today, especially online are incredibly nasty and rude and I couldn't believe it until I saw it for myself. Essentially, it seems to me none of these women have ever heard the word 'no' in their lives and many live in a delusional state.

That's not to say there aren't great single women somewhere out there, but I'm finding the dating game is a chore with no payoff whatsoever. I don't need to waste my time or money making myself miserable and jaded towards women.



SanityTheorist
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04 Aug 2012, 4:22 pm

I have found most women besides the ones on here to be extremely neurotic, shallow and needy. I have mother issues though, so my situational conditioning could be different.

How rude are they? Bear in mind that while this won't help me (I'm gay,) it might help some others.


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04 Aug 2012, 8:15 pm

SanityTheorist wrote:
I have found most women besides the ones on here to be extremely neurotic, shallow and needy. I have mother issues though, so my situational conditioning could be different.

How rude are they? Bear in mind that while this won't help me (I'm gay,) it might help some others.


Lucky you. I'm cursed to be straight as straight can be (although many probably think I'm gay due to my 0.000 batting average). If I didn't have interest in having kids and starting a family I wouldn't bother with women under 30 at all.

To be honest at this point I would be happy with some partially neurotic and/or needy. Most of the women seem to have serious issues and as a result seem to stick to abusers like flies. Many also have those butt ugly tattoos on the back of their necks or forearms which are an instant turnoff to many men (especially me). I'm not a 'traditional' conservative by any means but I'd like to know where the 'normal' looking women are: the ones who dress somewhat feminine but otherwise let their natural beauty show through (contrary to what some might think I find supermodels repulsive) and don't have tattoos/body piercings/lots of makeup/weird hair colors. The few that are normal are the type who frequently travel around the world (definitely not for me). Where they get the money on a $25,000 a year salary is beyond me.

The nicest rejection I had was to have a women block me and pull down all her pictures after I asked her if she wanted to talk on eHarmony (NOT date or you-know-what). This was someone I knew for years and had no idea was single because she was so mature and she had exactly the same interests/life goals. I mean obviously she wasn't as interested as I thought she would be but a 'thanks but no thanks' would be fine. Most of them are much more subtle: they'll tell their friends and then they all treat you like you've got the plague or they'll practically laugh at you if you ask them if they are interested in dinner/movie/going out. Again, it's not because of a negative attitude on my part: I was actually blown away at how rude women in the dating scene are as the married women I know always told me how mature and well spoken I am and how women should be all over me.

Of all the girls I've asked out only one accepted and I could tell it was more of a 'pity' date that she only did because I literally had her cornered (unintentionally). The obvious answer would be that I'm obviously doing something terrible but I have asked many women I trust (all married and around 40) and they all assure me nothing I do is intimidating/creepy/inappropriate. I HAVE been told I'm way too picky but to be fair I have no interest in a women who I haven't met yet telling me where I am going to pay for their dinner.

I used to complain like most men about how most women were fooled by 'bad boys' but to be honest I wouldn't want any part of a women who is foolish enough to think a bad boy will make a good father/life partner. It's THEIR loss, not mine and I have too much self-respect to be a backup plan!