wanting to relive childhood, fear of getting older.

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Hi Everyone, I am 24 years old, and I have been having some issues lately with growing up. I mean I already am a grown up, no getting around that but I find myself thinking if could just stay the age I am at and never have to grow up then I would totally do that. With every birthday that comes, it makes me realize that the older I get the older my parents, grandparents, cousins get, and I really rely on them. I still live at home, and my parents are my greatest friends. It makes me sad to think that every day they are getting older. I guess my thought process is, is if I could just magically stay where I am at in life, then no other major obstacles would be thrown my way. I tend to go on youtube a lot, and watch old tv shows, and watch old commercials and really try to relive my youth. Other than the constant teasing, I had a great childhood, and wish I could go back some days. getting older scares me, because more and more expectations are thrown my way. My friends for instant, they are all getting married and having kids, and i'm not at that point in my life. I don't work full time, live at home, and I have no social life. can anyone else relate to this? the fear of the future , the unknown? thanks for letting me rant

I can relate to you, especially the "wanting to relive the childhood" part. Guess why my avatar is my 6 yo self (currently). I'm way behind my peers with having kids, family, spouse, and I don't see how it would change any time soon. This really makes me sad sometimes.

However, I'm not afraid of the future, though I see I'll face some difficulties regarding my employment. The older I get the more independent employees are expected to be in my position, so it's definitely a big challenge to me to get together the courage and knowledge to be able to live up to it. I have to be confident and resolute.

I can totally relate to this, I feel like I have unfinished business in my childhood and I really want to go back...I talk about the past a lot these days and I sometimes keep myself in a childlike state when no-one is around. I think by revisiting your past you have better understand yourself in the present.

Yes. And at times I feel like I just never fully grew up. I'll think back to how I am now, and how I was as a kid, and in all honesty, I don't feel much different. My nephew recently commented on how I seemed like a kid in a grown-up body.

Last edited by FishStickNick on 13 Jul 2012, 3:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can relate. I posted on another thread that I live in a constant state of nostalgia. I'm always wanting to go back and visit my grandparents' farm, my old neighborhood, etc.

I couldn't have said it better any other way. Perhaps more so in my case. Being transgendered, I've always felt like I was robbed of the childhood I was supposed to have.

But yes, I don't really know what "growing up" is supposed to be. I don't reel much different now than when I was in college, maybe high school. If growing up means being serious and not finding joy in simple things anymore, I don't think I want to grow up.

I feel that way. I dread when my birthdays come up and I am reminded of getting older and how pretty soon I will be aging and getting wrinkles and other ugly stuff that comes with aging. My birthday is in five days and I will be another year older and closer to being 30. Sometimes I like to look up old toys on ebay I remember in my childhood or watch old stuff on youtube from my childhood. Plus I find adulthood stressful but my husband takes care of everything. At least I don't have to go to school, at least I can get off work and come home and relax and not have homework. At least I can make my own choices without being told what to eat or needing permission to do things or ask to get something or worry about getting grounded or having privileges taken away. At least there are some good advantages to being an adult so I would not want to truly go back to childhood because I remember now how limited my freedom was and what I didn't have back then I have now. But my husband say I am a kid inside and has told me he feels like he has two kids instead of one. He even says I act like a teen too at times.

I'd never want to relive my childhood again because of school but I'd go back as young as 16 and stay there.

I think a lot of people want to relive their childhood. That's generally a time of fewer responsibilities.

Today's generation are more nostalgic than previous generations, and at an earlier age. Just look at 1990s Nickelodeon shows, memorabilia, etc. coming out-- 90s kids aren't even at the 40 year old mark yet. But, they're nostalgic.

I can definitely relate, although some would argue that all teenagers feel the same way. However, when I compare myself with my peers and my older sister- who is just over a year older than myself, I feel like I'm a 'incompetent child' and have no independence, whatsoever. To make it even worse is that my mum spends less time with me now because she is a foster carer to a toddler in my distant family, plus all my older siblings have their own families; my two brothers have fiances and children of their own, my older sister has a daughter of her own, and my the other sister that I've already mentioned is going off to university, in a few months.

I desperately do want to grow up and be more dependent now; I want to go to University and have a life, plus I've been considering for a while a conversion to Judaism (weird as it may sound to you), which you requires one to be at least 18 and living in their own home. But childhood feels like a giant safety net/bubble that I don't want to leave; it's my comfort zone.

I could have written the OP's opening statement, myself. I related to it so precisely.

These are also my thoughts, emotions, too.

So many others do, also, by the look of it. Good thread.

I'm almost exclusively living in the past. I suspect that all of my friends, from the 70's/80's, have long since moved-on from that period.

But I can't.

It's the reality we all have to deal with. I tell myself not to stress, because there is nothing I can do. Everything that has ever lived, and will ever live, does so for a finite amount of time. Millions of us have walked this path before, and we are all equals in that sense. Human beings are but one of the universe's many expressions - and we weren't the least bit bothered by our mortality for the 14.2 billion years before our existence. That's where we return, and regarded in that way, it's a far more familiar state. Make the most of what you have. Love your family, friends, unfold and understand yourself as much as you can - because we don't know how much time we have. Mortality can give your life meaning - it means we only have one chance to do things right by others and for ourselves.

'Growing up' isn't so much a chronological phenomenon as it is a psychological one. People can get stuck at any age, cease to develop, cease to learn deeply from their experiences, opting instead to mimic bygone, comfortable states. For myself, it has been good to face mortality, because it brings life into focus. It is best not to understand death and life as separate (the theatrics surrounding it actually make us more afraid). Life is a process, with a beginning and an end - perhaps necessarily so. Death is part of the same movement. Each of us is a leaf on a tree, we fall from the tree and return to the earth, so that new leaves will grow.

It's not so much a fear of me getting older, it's more a fear of my cousins getting older. Not so much the older cousins, but the cousins that are younger than me. One of them is 20 and I used to see her a lot when we were children, and when she came over to stay she was always safe indoors and just playing with me. Now when she comes round to stay (which is rare now) it's all about dressing up, going out and drinking. How I miss just being innocent children safely tucked up in bed at home! Also my cousin who is 18 always used to be a very cute little boy, and always was so placid, well-behaved and very polite and a type of child that you could have 6 of and still not get stressed. He also used to always be very sensitive and worried, and always looked more happy and comfortable when you spoke to him nicely ot praised him for something. Now he's 18 he has got a girlfriend and enjoys drinking and flirting around in bars, and I just miss that little innocent boy he used to be. Then my other cousin who is 15, I just cannot get used to him being a teenager. I remember when he was growing in his mum's tummy, and I remember him when he was a tiny baby, and I remember him when he was a toddler, and I remember him when he first started school (he was SO cute in his new uniform!) And I used to look after him a lot when he was 7 and I was 15, and he used to want to play with me and always was such a really happy, sociable little boy, and loved adventures and scary stories, and I loved him so much. When he got to about 10 and 11, he was even better because he was more older but was still into adventures and scary stories. Now he has turned into a grumpy teenager who just spends all his time with his mates and never wants to socialise with his family, and I hardly ever see him now. It's so sad, the way children grow up. I guess I'm the only one who still has a strong inner child in me.

did you have fantasy's as a child?

Yes, but only because each year brings me closer to death and I'm very afraid of death. That's it.

I want to relive my teenage years, especially as I feel as I have been robbed of something back then. My mother died when I was 14 and I had to "grow up" pretty fast emotionally in order to take care of myself and face reality. I just couldn't afford to be your average teenager.

However, my teenage years have been pretty happy ones. I pursued my special interests most of the times and I had so much fun with them...

I feel that most of my peers were more carefree and didn't worry about their future, as I did back then. That's what I feel I missed, the carefree mood they exhibited. I was carefree and happy as a child, but I lost this when becoming a teenager.

I've been curious about drugs (as have been most of my peers), but I never dared to experiment during my teenage years, because I was so self-conscious about my health (I even tured down an opportunity to smoke weed when offered). When I got obsessed with drugs as a special interest when I was 24 and allowed myself to enter an altered state of consciousness, I felt so happy, as if finally making up for something that I never had at the right time.

When I was a teenager, I felt more mature than my peers. Then, when college started, I noticed in awe that they had made a huge jump forward and they had become little adults, while I remained the same teenager at heart. I still do. I think my emotional age is around 17-19 years old. They have families, children - while I, at 25 years of age, simply do not understand what it means to be an adult and why should I become one.