Inadequate and Dull

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I have many good times, but I also have my low times, like everybody else. I've appreciated some kind words of appreciation I've received tonight, because this is one of those times when I'm feeling kind of down.

I was really happy to have my situation resolved and my questions answered by my recent diagnosis. But I also feel a little sad knowing some of the things it means. It's not just that the diagnosis is official. This has been coming on for a while.

I sometimes feel like a faker as I pretend to understand more than I do or to be more interested in things I don't understand that others talk about. I feel inadequate when people outperform me or seem to be more interesting than I am. Sometimes I feel like a dud. I get confused sometimes about what is okay and what isn't regarding how others behave towards me, and I can be gullible and easily duped or abused. I've seen how I can be a poor judge of character, and sometimes this affects others who assume that anyone I trust must be okay for them to trust. I guess it's a compliment that they would think well enough of me to figure that others I hang out with are also good by association, but then I feel bad when it turns out not to be so.

There's more, but I won't go on about it. Suffice it to say that I don't mind admitting to my more difficult times. If you're having them too, you're not alone. I guess misery loves company. But when I start feeling better again, I hope I can share that cheer with you, as well. When feeling down, it seems as though I could never feel any other way. In my head, I know this isn't true. So, I'll keep hope alive, knowing I'm not alone, and that others around here have also been through this, over and over, just as I have.

Things always seem worse when I'm tired, overheated, or in physical pain. I'm experiencing all three tonight. I'm going to go to bed now. Things should look a bit better in the morning. Good night, everyone.

I have to say...you are right. You are hardly alone here, and I can resonate with a lot of the things you're talking about.

As a newly diagnosed person on the spectrum, you are still coming to terms with the way AS affects you, and as such you start to question your capabilities. I'm sure everyone on this site, myself included, has felt inadequate at least a few times, as it's hard for us to live up to societal social standards. It is completely fine to vent here...that is what WP is for. No one will judge you for it.

Be proud of yourself for finally becoming aware of AS, as I've heard stories of people who clearly have it but are in denial and will not get a diagnosis. They are selling themselves short, and once you are diagnosed, you have the fortune to finally figure out the ways you can work around AS, and even see what parts of it are gifts (as it does come with strengths!)

Hoping you get some rest, and wishing you the best of luck.

The surest path to truth is through adversity. Byron. Crippled, swam the Hellespont Strait. It was his screwed-up feet that did the trick, they were fins. I don't think anyone else did this stunt. Ever. How's that for impending metaphor. Sink or swim, pal. You can do it.

Thanks. I did feel somewhat better this morning. Still tired and hot, though. This heat wave is really getting me down. Summer after summer... I'm really at my best in spring and fall, second best in winter now. Used to be summer was best, spring and fall were hard adjustments to weather changes, and winter was worst.

Time to get up, maybe move the fan, and get down to housecleaning for tonight's guests. Got practice here tonight. Then a break.