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tiamats4esgares
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Joined: 24 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
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25 Aug 2012, 12:35 am

I've had the same problem meeting people. I'm 23. While I've acctually met a lot of NT gays, it hasn't helped me a lot, because none of them have worked out. Most of them I've met online I live near a decently-sized city (maybe 200,000 people) but I've basically given up on finding anyone near me. I also try to meet people on video games I play online...to no avail. Location, fail...hobby, fail...well, I began searching for AS people. I looked for an AS dating site, but there doesn't seem to be a whole lot (and the only one I joined is extremely innactive). So...I joined this site just now, just to talk about it. xD

Well, best of luck to you, and to everyone else out there having this same problem.



haidouk
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Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Age: 20
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26 Aug 2012, 2:10 am

throat wrote:
How am i meant to find a boyfriend when i even struggle to make hetro friends of any gender? Being gay obviously limits your chances as homo people are such a small persentage of the population anyway. I'm 24 and as far as i know ive only met one other gay person in my whole life and we didnt speak much.

.....meh


If you want a boyfriend, of COURSE you should have this. I know it's very easy to feel very hopeless about this kind of thing, but you never need to sell yourself short. I don't make friends either. It is tremendously difficult for me. Right now, how many "friends" do I have (people I do anything with, people I can call and talk to about important things? NONE. However I've been together with my partner for 13 years this year. It's not really the same thing. You don't need to worry about it. You don't need to feel you're not capable of things like this--because it's simply not true and is just self-abuse. it is entirely unnecessary and counterproductive. If you want it, you should realize that you are fully capable of having it. If you were asexual and didn't want this, that is fine too. You are several steps ahead of me already in what you describe.

Main thing, be kind to yourself! This really cannot be overemphasized. Understand that I'm not saying this to "build your confidence"--I'm saying it to share a secret of reality with you that I learned for myself only after a great deal of negativity and heartache. Realized that there is NOTHING wrong with you! So you have Aspergers/are autistic? *SO WHAT!* EINSTEIN had autism. Don't tell yourself you are "incapable" or "unworthy" of anything like this--because it's just not accurate. Honestly: Honestly.

Autism can seem like hell for us. But, honestly, it is just one simple issue. We are entire HUMAN BEINGS. We are complex We are profound. Give yourself a break. Let yourself know that the people who "reject" you are ignorant and are not worthy of you. Realize that they have their own defects and issues that prevent them from meeting the standards that you would require in a a boyfriend.

Practicality: If you're looking for a relationship? NT's meet each other in daily in life at work, on the street, in stores, in the park, etc. because they operate optimally this way. Personally, I do not, and, and I'd imagine a lot of people with AS do not either. Do what you have to do. I actually met my partner in a gay online chatroom. That doesn't mean that that relationship is "doomed", shallow, etc.--it all depends on you and the person you meet and where you are both "at" in your lives. Give yourself a break. Don't worry about the outcomes of your life, just try to live it. Similarly if you just want or need to feel a sexual outlet--don't be afraid or ashamed to just seek that out either (just be safe). It may in fact relieve some of the pressure you would feel when you you are really interested in someone at a deeper level than that.

One good thing about males that makes life significantly easier for us, even if we are autistic? For males, looking for sex is no problem. We don't have to play all kinds of social games and jump through hoops to get it, among men who are interested in other men. This can be big advantage for us nonsocial people. Realize: It is OK. You are fine, as you are.

You don't need to worry about the numbers. You don't need to find a statistic--you just need to find one person. You need to realize that there are other people like you out there. I know this sounds like a cliche, but it is perfectly true. There is that guy looking for you, just as much as you are looking for him. Try to have confidence and have reasonable, but not prohibitive standards--don't take yourself to be inferior because you are autistic and have a hard time in certain things. Realize that other people have their problems, and drawbacks too--just as much as even autistic people. This is totally true. But realizing it will also help you in not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.

Hope this helps in some way. Don't give up on what you want. Don't kick yourself when anything goes wrong: Again, be your own friend and be kind toward yourself. And realize that you are building the idea of "relationships" up to an incredible degree because you take them to be some sort of holy grail. They are basic and human and nothing you should consider yourself incapable or unworthy of.



envirozentinel
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Joined: 16 Sep 2012
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Location: Keshron, Super-Zakhyria

17 Sep 2012, 1:07 pm

Don't worry I only came out as gay in my late 20's and met my soulmate/BF when I was 33 I am now 49 and we have been together for 16 years now and although we are currently living in different cities for work and financial reasons, we try to see each other as much as we can and we chat every day via cellphone. We met through a mutual interest. I think he's also an Aspie as he certainly doesn't fit the neurotypical pattern and is not a party animal or a team player. He likes computers, fault-finding and has lots of patience to do this, anything technical and is very suspicious of politics and organised religion. Be strong - you can meet someone you can relate to - veen a soul mate that understands you. We understand each other and I could not cope without knowing that he's there for me. :)