Misinterpreting?

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I've never had much luck with girls and dates. It doesn't help that my parents are rather controlling. But I really doubt that anything will happen. It causes me major anxiety and stress to ask a girl out... But unfortunately that's the social norm for us guys. Actually I'm so anxious about it that even with this girl I'm having major depression over it. And I barely even know her... Who's going to want to put up with an overly anxious, overweight guy who gets majorly depressed about little things like this? I for one don't know any girls who would. Whether they are NT or have AS. So I guess I've lost all hope. And I guess that's why I feel like I'll end up alone.

Quite frankly, given the fact that she has AS as well, it's impossible to tell what her intentions are. Even if she were NT it would be difficult to tell what her intentions are.

I think the best way to proceed would be to just tell you aren't sure if she just wanted to be friends or if she might want to date you.

From everything you have said Aspie Dude, she likes you (NT Female here). Even if she is Aspie, I think she likes you. You are getting a case of the "nerves" which is understandable, but dude, you gotta try. Everyone gave you really good advice here. Hang out with her a couple more times. Tell her you really enjoy her company, that shes fun, that shes cool (if thats the truth). Then, if she responds by saying she really likes hanging out with YOU- thats a really good sign. You could then say, do you like hanging out with me as a FRIEND or possibly something more? You could leave it at that or follow that with..."Because I could see going out with you on a date sometime" (If you are up to this more direct statement- then go for it). The former still lets you save face for the most part if she says "Oh- I only meant as a FRIEND" which would suck, bcs it does seem as tho she is giving you all the right "cues"....

So- I do think its best if BOTH parties kind of come together on it whereby neither one has to take ALL the risk, but even then, (as in the former case where you lessen the risk by putting more of the burden on her) you STILL take SOME risk. There is almost no way around this- even in the NT world my friend- go for it- I didnt with my Aspie guy and the longer it stretched out in time, the harder it got and I dont have many regrets in the world but im starting to think I have a bit of one in my case...

The issue is, since she has AS, it would be unwise to assume that she understands how to signal to a male that she is interested in just a friendship, vs. how to signal that she is interested in more than a friendship. Many people with AS make the assumption that if someone seems friendly then they can be completely open with them about their emotions, while people who don't have AS will only divulge certain emotions at different levels of relationships. This can result in someone with AS divulging at the level of a friend what someone without AS might only divulge when they want to indicate romantic interest.

For example, and NT might confide to someone of the opposite sex that they feel very comfortable around them, to hint that they would like to be romantically involved, but someone with AS might confide to someone of the opposite sex that they feel very comfortable around them simply because they do, or for any number of completely innocent reasons which are not intended to imply anything "between the lines".

He needs to ask her what her intentions are.

Those are good points. I think I will spend time with her a couple more times and then go for it. Worst case scenario she's not interested and I'm exactly where I am now. The main issue I have now is that this whole depression thing has screwed things up to the point that my parents and therapist basically think that I just need to avoid dating altogether. But I don't know whether I should follow their advice... Or just go for it with this girl. I care about her a lot... But if another depressive episode like this one comes up again she's just going to be hurt in the end... Which is exactly what happened with my last GF which is why she left me... I got low enough both last time and this time to where I was considering just ending my life... And everyone around me knows it... But I'm maybe starting to see hope after these posts. I'm almost more confused than when I started... What path is the correct one? And which will make me less lonely and be the path to true happiness?

I KNOW! That's the problem with seeking advice from more than one or two trusted, close friends!! It's tough. I will re-read all te posts again, but I thought that the general gist of most of them was "nothing ventured, nothing gained..."

That's easy enough to say when it's not ME though, because like I said, I DID'NT venture, and now not only did I not gain, I wonder still and have regrets!! ERRRGGGGHH! Life can be hard!! I would suggest also that you make sure to get your network of friends/family and support in place as much as possible beforehand should you decide to go for it...Just IN CASE she tells you she likes you as a friend only (That really should'nt be SO bad- should it!!?? )

But, since you know you struggle with depression, it can't hurt to let ppl know in advance and to have a pal or someone ready to hang out with you/give you a pep talk afterward. (It's also twice as fun when you get to share good news, right?!)

Good luck and let us know here what happens, would you?

-sweetcakes

Will do sweetcakes. And everyone else who's posted.

Got together with her again today. I didn't make a move but I did let her know how much I enjoy spending time with her and that I thought she looked very pretty today which received some positive signs from her. We'll be meeting again soon and I think I'll talk to her about how I feel then.

Keep hanging out with her as much as you can. Get to know her better. If a long-term relationship forms out of this companionship than that's awesome! If it doesn't, than it wasn't meant to be. Many solid long-term relationships are based on the fact that the two parties were good friends beforehand. All you can so is let time tell the story. The part on telling her your feelings is a puzzle to me lol. I guess just go ahead and do it if you want to but be ready to accept whatever feedback she gives you, positive or negative.