How did you meet your partner?

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I'm undxed, but I have no doubt at this point.

I was reading another thread and it got me thinking about how I met my husband. At the time I thought nothing of it but I now know that this meeting is perceived as "Strange". I know this because the few times I have told people how we met, they told me that this is strange.

I met my husband through a personal add on yahoo. I placed it when I went to *grad school. I had decided at this point to only date men as I wanted any potential children to be biologically mine and my partners.

Here it is:

I am new around here, I am here for grad school. I am pursuing my MS in agronomy.I'm tired of trying to meet people. Maybe you are tired too. Short chubby introverted female atheist seeking tall like minded male individual for conversation, sex, marriage and possibly children. I love sci fi and TMBG. I can play several musical instruments. Atheism non-negotiable. Only serious replies will be considerred.

I got ONE response. We were engaged after one year together because that was the time limit I imposed on the first date. If you aren't sure after a year, get out of town, time to stop wasting time. The first date was more like a business meeting where we hashed out various expectations that we had for a potential partner etc. We've been together for 12 years, married for 9 of those. Aspie relationship heaven. No fuss, no muss. I'm pretty sure he might be an aspie too although the main thing that seems to have attracted him to my add was the fact that he is straight, but hates stereotypical women. He could tell from my add, that I am not stereotypical.

Anyway we have grown to love each other very much and I believe our bond is much stronger than it would have been had it been based on an initial strong attraction because those, in my experience, fizzle out REALLY fast. As in right after having sex, haha.

Anyway after finding out how strange people think this I shortened it to "We met on the internet."

Anyone else?

*EDIT* I originally said college which was incorrect. I placed the ad when I went to grad school.

Last edited by CWA on 22 Jul 2012, 10:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

We met online too. For some reason, we both got computers and went online about the same time -- the end of '97 to the beginning of '98. We met at a forum dedicated to roleplaying the ancient world. We got married in '99 and have since graduated to gaming -- mostly World of Warcraft and Lord of the Rings at the moment.

So far I have been in only two relationships in my life. The first one lasted for about a year when I was 36-37 years old. We met with the help of a "match-maker" agency. The second one lasted for two months and we met on an online dating portal. Besides these two I had a few dates, all from online dating portals.

Unfortunately I'm not into online role-playing or any similar online gaming so this option is out for me.

I'm 45, and only had two serious relationships; one for 9 years, and my wife now of 6 years. I had been fixed up with a few one-time or two-time dates, but nothing happened; no sparks, and that's probably because those were girls and women chosen by friends, and it just doesn't work out that way usually. Nice people, and some became friends, but that's it.

As far as my ex-GF and my wife; I met both of them by happenstance. One of my special interests is collecting Toyota Diesel cars and trucks (USA models, which are VERY rare). My mechanic called me one day in 1997, and said "Get over here... There's a girl sitting in my office, and she's your age, and she has a Corolla Diesel!" Of course I got over there as fast as a rocket, and honestly I intended to buy the car from her if she would sell, and initially didn't think about asking her out. But I tried offering very generous price for the car, and she wouldn't sell, and it turned out that her Mom had just died, and it was her Mom's car. So then I completely understood, and wouldn't have felt right anyway to have gotten it from her under those circumstances. So as it happened, I left my car there to have something done, and my mechanic suggested that the girl give me a ride home in the Diesel Corolla. And the story goes from there.....

Then in 2004, I met my wife at a horse boarding stable, to where she had just relocated her horse. I was attending to my ex-GF's horse, although we had been broken up for a year or so, and were just friends and roommates at that time. I had no clue that my wife even noticed me, or would date somebody like me in a million years... Her previous relationships had been with very powerful businessmen and Hollywood actors, etc., and her family is fairly well-known and respected, so I figured she wouldn't want a weird guy with no yacht or huge bank accounts, and not the president of a company someplace. But we kept meeting, and ironically, my ex-GF also became friends with her. About 2 years later, she realized that I was not going to take subtle hints, and she is familiar with Autism, and she realized she'd have to be direct with me. And she was at that point VERY VERY direct! . She had no idea that I was fascinated and attracted to her as well, for those two years, but that I was a gentleman and didn't think it was appropriate to let her know how I felt. Very confusing....

The moral of the story is that you never know when or where you will meet the right one!

Charles

I met my wife on a forum about the Dark Tower book series. We were long distance for quite a long time, but have since remedied that. She, being NT and a genius, was the primary catalyst in realizing my aspergers. She used to think I was intentionally holding back things to hurt her when I would just be confused about my own emotions or couldn't make sense of what seemed to be an inappropriate emotional or social reaction to things in our relationship. Finding the vocabulary of aspergers made all of our problems make sense and essentially ended fights that were just about our relationship.

CWA: If it counts, I think yours is a GREAT story! Dont mind too much about what other people think or say. Have those people lasted as much as you in a relationship? I think people give too much importance to romance and stuff. It is not romance what makes strong relationships, is commitment.

I met my Aspie husband when I was working as a secretary at the University he attended. I had dated a couple of guys who knew him and all of them told me about him. He was a kind of urban legend amongst the senior students. So when I met him and he gave me his name I smiled an said "so you are the famous ....". He stayed at the office talking to me for about 4 hours, until I got out, and tried to walk me home but I refused because it looked a little odd, I didnt know him that well. He continued going to the University the next days and asked me out, and the rest is history. We moved together like in 6 months, and have being married for 17 years. We have a 12 years-old Aspie daughter.

CWA - Perhaps how you met is a little unusual, but not unheard of. What you had sounds very similar to a 'shidduch' date, which is a date (usually arranged by a matchmaker) for Orthodox Jews who are looking for marriage. Because both people know why they are there, details about marriage, children and other expectations can be dealt with very early on. The engagement is usually within a few weeks or months, rather than a year, however. Many of those marriages work well and are very happy ones, just as yours is. I suspect a lot of marriages fail because important questions have not been asked before marriage.

As to me, I met my partner at work. We were both in relationships with other people while we worked together, but I split up with my boyfriend and then moved jobs, and shortly after that Mr Silky split up with his girlfriend. We got together a few months after that and have been together just over four and a half years now. It's not a very romantic story, but real life isn't like the movies.

I'm single and not planning to change this, but i wish there were more women who say forthright what they do and don't want, and what they're looking for. Some women (no offense meant) are playing games a guy simply can't keep up with, not NT's and still much less Aspies.

Someone we both know told me about him, and described him as a nice, quiet guy that I'd probably like a lot. We kind of bumped into each other via Facebook because we have mutual friends on there, and when I saw him posting on a friend's status I commented after him, and we struck up a little conversation. We ended up moving it over to private messages and then he sent me a friend request. We started texting, and then we met in person a few weeks later at our church (which I had just joined). I felt a connection with him instantly. When I saw him walk up my heart skipped a beat and I just thought, "OMG, he's even more handsome in person!" and he was so very sweet. He stuttered and blushed when we talked and I just melted. I couldn't wait to see him again after that! I love him!

I agree and as an Aspie this drives me even more insane than most men but the problem usually goes too far the other way with ridiculous laundry lists. For example, when I see a woman mention on a dating site she refuses to date anyone shorter than her I instantly close it no matter how attractive her profile. I might be tall but I'm not a piece of meat that's only valuable because of something I have ZERO control over. Unfortunately, my #1 turnoff (tattoos) are not usually disclosed like this.

I'm increasingly running into high quality women but given my oblivious nature, lack of ability to read cues and complete lack of success with women in general it's hard to connect with them in the short time I run into them. I'm so clueless if a woman stripped down and threw herself at me I would likely said "oops, you slipped while getting ready for a shower. Good thing I caught you before you fell!"

Last edited by GiantHockeyFan on 22 Jul 2012, 1:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My husband and I met on a AB/DL forum and it started with him sending me a PM saying he liked my stories and we chatted from there and we chatted on IM for three weeks before meeting in person. He nearly scared me away because we had just met and we barely knew each other and he was already thinking about marriage and kids with me. But I saw him as naive then. Things just clicked between us but it took me awhile to get over my skepticism about him being with me and accepting me. He came off as desperate. Now we are married and have a kid.


I have had two previous relationships and we also met online. One was on myspace and the other was on a dating/meet up site. They both contacted me first. The first one was about telling me we should get together and play video games and we met like a week later around April Fools Day. The second one was on a dating site and he contacted me and I had like a few messages from him when I got back and he thought I ignored him but I was away when it happened so I had no access to the computer. I don't think the website even showed when users were last logged in so he wouldn't know I had not been logged in since. But we both met not too long later. Both these relationships lasted three months. Things didn't work out and we weren't right for each other.

I was in one relationship before I met my current guy. That first relationship was an unmitigated disaster because he was much older than me and turned out to be an alcoholic and abusive. I got scared after that, and only dated sporadically if at all. After many years I decided to try again, and since I had heard about an Aspie support group for adults that met once a month, I decided to go there. Each time I tried to go, something came up to stop me from going. After three attempts I decided I would get there come hell or high water. This time it was water. A thunderstorm rolled in as I left the house, and as I walked to the bus stop, a passing car sent a huge wave of dirty water over me, forcing me to return home. The following month it started storming as soon as I left the house (again!) but I took an umbrella and took a different route to the bus stop. I was twenty minutes late but when I walked into the room where the support group was, the guy I was to become engaged to looked up as I walked in. Later he admitted that it was love at first sight, and it was the same for me.

Met in a dungeons and dragons game actually. She approached me afte the second game. Then we spent a couple months talking, visiting, and pretending we weren't falling in love because we both "just came off a hard breakup and weren't ready". Eventually we stopped denying. It was probably terribly awkward to watch from the outside.

I hate this too. Women aren't the only ones who play the games. I'm not sure I'm capable of playing games.But I don't do that, at least not intentionally. Sometimes my spouse thinks I am, but really it's just my AS poking it's head out and me doing something that doesnt make sense to him.



The only reason I specified tall is because I didn't want really really short kids. The height of children is affected by genetics from both parents. If both parents are short, chances are the kids will be too. It had nothing to do with a real preference on my part. If anything, I would have preferred a partner closer to my height, but it was more important to not have very short kids. It turns out that maybe I should have been more concerned about "personality" elements, I didn't think my "weirdness" our our "weirdness" would be passed on. I thought it was due to child hood trauma. Nope. The oldest appears to be AS. We're in the middle of figuring that out.

I met my 2nd partner a sweetheart at the fair a few months back, he is very nice and trying to learn about aspergers and has some knowledge of it, has ADHD himself. Former being a carnie, he didn't like loud noises of rap being played, he dislikes rap however I like rap, but he tolerates it, he doesn't like loud vibration sounds from the music and the rides. He cooks, cleans (he is a clean freak and prefers things to be nice and orderly). He has had a bad past with an ex wife that used him for money for kids she had by him and would pawn things he bought, found out this is true from a good friend of his - one close friend he has had all these years since childhood and that his ex wife keeps his kids away from him and brainwashes them with lies and BS. It's a sad situation, but we plan on getting his youngest 16 year old soon moved in within time or maybe when he is 18 and have him go to some counseling. I think things are meant to happen for a reason, him being quirky himself prior being a carnie bounces his legs, doesn't care if I pace or stim and sees it as getting energy out. He has helped me get things more structured around here and holds me when in overload. Seems like a keeper! ... My motto : don't be scared to ask someone if they are single, that might be your soulmate. I went through a bad relationship with the biological father and after he heard what I went through he holds me when I've cried about my past, trying to nicely help me move on, respects anything I feel uncomfortable with and listens to me and let's me cry on his shoulder. My first partner the father of my kids may have not been the right one for me, but as I'll tell everyone, don't give up hope, there is always someone out there that you may have in common with when asking them questions and getting to know them. I am not good at social situations but I try while nervous. He found an interest in me actually and it went from there and me asking if he was single and told him I have ADHD as I been dx with ADHD too and be told me him too and he's an outgoing person and constantly has to be doing something. After being with him a few weeks I disclosed with him after gaining more trust I have aspergers a mild form of autism and sometimes I get overwhelmed and he told me him too and that's why he goes for walks if upset. He respects me wanting my time alone and sometimes will comfort me and if I have a meltdown he will make sure to check on me to see if I'm not hurting myself or give me hugs, kisses and will tickle me if in sad (sometimes it makes me mad or giggle), depending on whether the tickling gives me goosebumps and has hurting sensation (hard to describe), anyway he is a very nice guy is what I'm trying to get at.

I met my husband on a forum for Tolkien fans. Before I knew anything about him (A/S/L) we both participated in some games there and I noticed and liked the way he seemed both very logical and very considerate, kind to newbies, etc. When I realized he was a single guy my own age (who lived only 4000 miles away ), I flirted with him a bit and tried to get to know him better, and eventually we started talking on Skype. We ended up talking for hours every day, taking online quizzes, discussing our lives and worldviews (we didn't know much about AS then but found we had a lot in common in our "weirdness" as we saw it) and it turned into a serious relationship very quickly. We both knew what we wanted at that point (we were in our late 20's and I'd been married before) and knew when we'd found it. One thing that was very important to me was the fact that when we had a conflict or misunderstanding we were able to discuss it honestly and find a solution instead of playing games. We visited each other as often as we could until we were finally able to live together. That was almost four years ago, and contrary to conventional wisdom, he did turn out to be the same person I got to know over the internet. I strongly suspect he's an aspie or at least BAP, and sometimes we still like to write to each other over Skype, though we're sitting in the same room, because we both find it easier than speaking aloud. I suppose that might be "weird" - as are our philosophical discussions about spaghetti sauce and a lot of other things we do - but it works for us.