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PastFixations
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22 Jul 2012, 6:49 pm

Conversing is very hard... Even with people I know.
I'm fine with members of the family... but outside of that hardly a thing.
This is what I do...
"Hi" (or hello... whatever I feel like saying to be honest.)
Other person says hello and asks how I am.
My response is on the lines of "I'm fine thanks"... though sometimes I have asked them after responding but even then the conversation ends.


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PastFixations
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22 Jul 2012, 6:56 pm

I'm looking for an answer really... How can I converse efficiently with people without the conversation ending in about a minute?
What am I supposed to talk about?
From what I have evaluated of myself, I hardly talk most of the time.


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Ann2011
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22 Jul 2012, 7:00 pm

I actually make mental notes before engaging in conversation. For example, if I know that I am going to encounter a certain person I will think about what they have said to me in the past and make a point of bringing up topics they have brought up before. Like if the last time I saw them they said they were going on a trip, I will remind myself to ask them about it. It sounds very mechanical and unnatural, but it works.



chessimprov
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22 Jul 2012, 9:43 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
I actually make mental notes before engaging in conversation. For example, if I know that I am going to encounter a certain person I will think about what they have said to me in the past and make a point of bringing up topics they have brought up before. Like if the last time I saw them they said they were going on a trip, I will remind myself to ask them about it. It sounds very mechanical and unnatural, but it works.


It is unnatural and mechanical, but no one needs to know you're doing that! ;) You're sounding like you really care about that person by being able to remember what was mentioned before. And maybe, in a way, because of your efforts, you really do. It's just harder for you than some others, but who cares since you've found a good way to disguise that and survive our oh so "perfect" NTish world without overstressing yourself out!



rpcarnell
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22 Jul 2012, 11:35 pm

I used to try to start conversations with people. I either got frowns or someone making fun of me because I had said something stupid, so I gave up on that. I cannot start conversations.


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PastFixations
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23 Jul 2012, 3:56 am

Okay... well that can work with people I know Ann2011. Not really with people that I hardly talk to... unless I overheard it, but then that would be awkward as I'd know about something I should not know... if that makes sense. :lol:


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identity
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23 Jul 2012, 6:46 am

I have the same problem, be it people I know or not. Of course there's always the very British topic of the weather...



PastFixations
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23 Jul 2012, 6:58 am

identity wrote:
I have the same problem, be it people I know or not. Of course there's always the very British topic of the weather...

Yeah... though that topic is easily shut and close because you just look at the weather.


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Ann2011
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23 Jul 2012, 8:30 am

PastFixations wrote:
Okay... well that can work with people I know Ann2011. Not really with people that I hardly talk to... unless I overheard it, but then that would be awkward as I'd know about something I should not know... if that makes sense. :lol:

This brings up what is at the heart of the problem for me . . . the line between personal and common. I often make the mistake of saying things that are too personal and I get the blank stare and awkwardness.
To actually have a conversation with a stranger, I don't know. I default to the weather too.



treblecake
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23 Jul 2012, 9:05 am

I usually get stuck after the 'how are you' if I can I'll ask them something about them or tell them an interesting fact but it never leads to conversation. I really don't get it sometimes because I say the same stuff as other people but people don't respond to me the same. Even when I tell a joke a few people may grin, but when someone else tells the same joke people find it hilarious.


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PastFixations
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23 Jul 2012, 2:19 pm

^ This!
Totally and utterly similar circumstance in my case... about 90% of the time for me, treblecake.

Mmmm... cake... *drools*


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MightyMorphin
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23 Jul 2012, 5:03 pm

People are always ignoring me so I just give up making conversation now. It was already hard in the first place, without people making me feel like they don't want to talk to me and that they have better things to do.



PastFixations
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24 Jul 2012, 6:44 am

Hmmm... giving up isn't an option to me but nor is talking about the weather...


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AudaciousLarue
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24 Jul 2012, 11:20 am

Agreed, it's very hard to 'make' a conversation-it's easier to 'break' one though.

I try my best and ultimately be myself when talking to people.

It's hit-and-miss with me: Sometimes I'm rudely ignored, other times people really get into a good conversation with me.

Don't sweat it-be yourself and don't try too hard to make a good conversation-try to let it flow naturally.

What bugs me is why do people always expect one to 'jump' into a deep conversation. I was asking a person if they'd seen "X new movie" and before I could say anything further(about, well, anything) they left in a rude fashion! Was what I did "boring?" :?



NatureLover
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24 Jul 2012, 9:11 pm

When people ask me how I'm doing, I get puzzled in my mind but I always let out "fine and you" or "good." But I feel like if that wasn't the correct answer because I'm tired of people saying that I'm rare or too quiet, it's like they expect me to say more.
What I do try to say is how it went with the football team, or your doctor or boyfriend, stuff that they have mentioned to me before.


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AdmiralCrunch
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24 Jul 2012, 10:10 pm

I've dedicated my life to solving this problem. So far not a great deal. :D
I've found a tactic fairly useful: create a pause for about 3 seconds by saying "well "and looking away white you're trying to come up with a new segway. It doesn't always work, but when it does, it's a life saver.


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