Does anyone else feel unable to communicate feelings of love

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Gnonymouse
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 26 Aug 2011
Age: 34
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27 Jul 2012, 12:30 pm

The very first time I met C. I knew I loved her. I had interviewed with the school and she was playing the role of tour guide. I did not remember what she said, but she was so animated and engaged. She was short with long curly locks of dark hair, dressed boyishly in jeans with a baseball cap. She was gregarious, so ahead of the rest of us at navigating the mysterious social world, but wildly imaginative. When C. confessed she loved me one afternoon after hugging me in a field, I said “I love you too,” but the intonation or body language was not there, so she said “No, I mean I really love you.” I did not know how to respond. I still don’t. I feel emotions, but the prosody and body language are so difficult to express. It pains me, being unable to communicate love. It is the most painful part of being who I am. I am like a ghost reaching out to touch another being and watching my hands pass right through them ineffectually.



ptown
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27 Jul 2012, 1:08 pm

Being told "I love you" and being able to trust/believe that is one of life's greatest gifts. I have been unable to trust when my Aspie says "I love you" or more frequently, "I love you, too" to me because he has wavered so much in saying he can feel it/knows what it means and then taking all that back and saying he has no clue what love is/means/feels like.

I think, for him, it's knowing he can depend on me and he appreciates that. It's also some passionate/sexual type body feeling in the heat of a kiss or sex.

But long term love/devotion/partnership? Not sure he can feel that sincerely. When he expresses it, as much as I want to believe it, I just cringe with sadness because I don't know what is true or not true.

***YOU*** should put lots of energy into an exploration of what love means and feels like and how you show your love to C. Truly, there is nothing more valuable to most NT women than trusting her partner's love.



Peahen
Tufted Titmouse
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27 Jul 2012, 6:10 pm

My boyfriend struggles with the same thing. Does C know about your AS? If she's aware that the feelings are there, but that you just have a legitimate difficulty expressing them, it may help her understand and trust that you love her. A lack of feelings vs. a known inability to express said feelings makes all the difference in the world to someone trying to gauge how you feel about them.