Saw my Old Bullies For the First Time in 15 Years

Post Reply New Topic

I was at a small public activity last night and who did I run into but 2 of the 3 worst bullies of my life. To make a long story short, they haven't changed a bit. They are still friends with each other and the worst one looks like a prison inmate complete with tattoos all over his neck. What's worse is that one of them has a girlfriend (stereotypical "dumb blonde" and everything) and children and the other is (judging my his shirt) involved in youth sports! Unbelievable since he should not be able to pass the required background check! Wouldn't surprise me that he would be able to talk his way past that: he's a very smooth talker and a commissioned salesman. On a side note, I've seen some pretty nasty bullies coaching youth sports so I wonder why they bother with background checks as they obviously don't work.

The worst of the two bullies gave me a long, cold stare so there's no doubt he remembers me. That was one of the first times I was able to maintain full eye contact too so I didn't back down. Without getting into details, they are still both masters of putting on a phony front even though they look like escaped convicts. Still, I was able to maintain a professional demeanor and realized it was pointless to say anything to anyone since they could easily convince everyone I was a foreign spy, escaped murderer, delusional mental patient any other nasty thing and everyone would believe them because people are so easily fooled by their BS. The more things change the more they stay the same!

Well done! If I saw my old bullies I'd probably run away.

All I can say is, you did the right thing by not kicking them in the groin right in front of their kids.

I feel the same way about people that I haven't seen in a long time, and the best way I've learned to deal with it is to simply not speak to them or acknowledge their presence. It's better than the alternatives, which are a) trying to get revenge in some way, which makes you become what you hate, or b) trying to make friends with your bullies, the trap that a lot of aspies (myself included) fall into.

If I saw any of my former bullies I'd pretend I didn't know them even if I did recognize them and get away as fast as I could. I don't know if I'd even recognize many of them.

Once I was at the dentist and someone in the waiting room was saying they thought they knew me from school. I don't know who they were but that made me very uncomfortable.

Oooo, I hate bullies. Wouldn't you just like to beat the tar out of the asshat in the parking lot?!? Ahem, carrying on, you rose above it. See how much better you are, comparatively?

You know, on an existential level, we would all like to believe that there is justice in this world - that those who do wrong, who are intrinsically bad, have their transgressions punished. But this is not reality. Bullies oftentimes don't feel any remorse - it's part of their MO. A hard lesson that this world is not just at the micro level. If so, then atrocities would not happen. But at a macro level, that is globally over eons, I believe right prevails. Sort-of.

Isn't it ironic that someone can go to jail for, say, shoplifting a jacket, yet one who callously torments over time totally gets away with it, and with permission? I.e., "because people are so easily fooled by their BS." Indeed.

I almost wish I could run into a former bully....heh heh. You showed discretion.

Last edited by LabPet on 28 Jul 2012, 8:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

I recently saw the FB page of someone like that I used to know many years ago. He was shirtless in his profile photo with a big "Nazi Swastika" tattoo on his lower chest, and their were some racial slogans on his FB page too. He apparently turned into a white supremacist since I last saw him. A few months later I looked at his FB page again, and it said he was going to prison until 2016.

"Like!"

I've run into a few, but honestly it feels different at age 40+, which is about when I had the experience of re-encountering any of my childhood bullies. In fact, I have at least 3 or 4 of my worst bullies on my FB page through mutual friends, or even one who asked and I friended him. I think I've grown beyond anything that a bully might try to dish out, and I couldn't care less if they tried. I might even owe them a debt of gratitude for being a factor in taking up my special interest of bodybuilding and powerlifting. I don't fight, but I look really scary if I need to . But again, these bullies of my past, are now accountants and real estate brokers, and even doctors. It's just a whole different thing now. The maturity would prevent that childhood bullying, and I am emotionally strong enough and psychologically healthy enough to see "adult bullying" a mile away, and cut it off before it can take root.

My worst bully of the 2010s, is my "adopted Dad" from when I was an early teen until now. Sadly, I didn't recognize him as my bully, until I realized that when he would do what appeared to be in my best interest (such as to offer advice on life, or to critique any actions or advances I might have made), would in turn knock me backward and make me feel bad about myself; regardless of how positive a move I may in fact have made. Adult bullies are far more sophisticated than kids who hide behind a trash can and jump out to menace us... Adult bullies can masquerade as true friends, bosses, employees, landlords, tenants, and even our bankers. Once you grow to learn how to recognize an adult bully, which is so much harder to recognize than the kid ones, you will be able to become almost immune to their efforts. AND, in all fairness to the bullies themselves; I believe that in many cases, they honestly have no idea that bullying for self-gratification is their agenda at all. But the hard fact is that their agenda is irrelevant, once we identify them as bullies, and they must be cut off or "managed". When I say "managed", I mean in case of someone whose presence in your life is important enough to keep dealing with them. Such as a boss if your job is a good one, or your neighbor if some day you might need him to approve a building permit you apply for, etc. To manage is to be civil, and to keep an emotional distance. Meaning that whatever they say, can be let go of 100% WITHOUT you waking up at night and pondering bad feelings from something they have told you. Managing is to know in your heart that they're full of sh*t when they say something to knock your efforts or your judgement. Ideally all of those people should be removed from your life & livelihood, but that's not always feasible.


Charles

I have not ran into my old bullies yet.

I have a sinking feeling that I'd suffer my first autistic meltdown as an adult if I ran into my old bullies, Natalie, Ali, and Katie. That's like a ticking time bomb because it's bound to happen sooner or later. Maybe it would be good to prepare. My mother is friends with Katie's parents and every once in a while she gives me updates on Katie's life as if I want to hear about her marriage, kids and career. I want to f*****g slap her. Like, what the f**k is wrong with you? Why would you think I want to hear about her? I hope Katie dies alone in a mud puddle and I DON'T want to hear, "OH EM GEE! Did you know Katie is expecting her third? It's so exciting!" ...as*holes.

Why not tell your mother you don't car about her life and you are not interested in hearing about it?

I tell her that all the time and she just acts like I'm being a snot.

One of my former bullies died of cancer a couple years ago.

My mother was friends with the mother of my 'friend' who betrayed me until she died of cancer a few years back. Since she saw her son turn on me and saw how I was humiliated at his 13th birthday party and didn't say anything I frankly told Mom I couldn't care less she's dead. She didn't appreciate that attitude but frankly what she and her son did might be forgiven... if they made any attempt in 16 years to apologize. I haven't seen that 'friend' since but rest assured I will tell him the truth: I have no sympathy for him and am glad to see him suffer after what he did to me. People say you need to let the past go but these ignorant fools have no idea what he did to me in front of his mother and she didn't even try to stop him.



I'm a very kind hearted person but have to admit that if I heard one of my bullies suffered that fate I would be on cloud 9. Sadly, I was in a cancer ward as a kid (in the end, I did NOT have Leukemia so I didn't stay) but all the other kids did and they were the kindest people I knew. They all died agonizing deaths within the coming years. Ditto to Johnny, the kid in school who was in a wheelchair his whole brief life. That's why if there is a God I will spit in his face.

Several years ago one of my former bullies was found dead at the bottom of a cliff. Apparently he was totally drunk at a bar the last anyone saw him alive. I wouldn't be surprised if someone pushed him off the cliff. He was a horrible person who brought only misery to this world.

When I first read about it in the local newspaper, I said 'Good!' and did a little happy dance. Now I don't really have many feelings about it, but I'm still glad he's gone.

I just found out that mine is still alive and living in the area. (That's actually a little disappointing because I heard a rumor that he got stabbed in a bar fight, which is terrible I know) But he's really no threat to me at all, and I'm not worried about it.