Gay bars and dancing

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Thank you haidok, you restored my faith in actually meeting someone I can relate to for a long-term relationship. I would love to have a boyfriend, but most in high school either suppress it or completely embrace it as part of their entire identity; nothing should form a person's whole identity.

I can relate to the bullying/repression etc. elements. I have found with men it is far easier to understand where they want where women try to mislead you. Most men seem to get off on that kind of thing; I've just found it makes women very difficult to get anything done around.

haidok, how long did it take you to find a boyfriend? My natural loyalty to individual people rather than a group would really help with it, but finding similarities is where I always seem to have issues.

Also, is it odd that I am submissive towards men but listen to metal and am overall fairly masculine?

I identify with what you're saying. I felt a lot like this as well, which is one reason it took me a while to actually accept myself as "gay". These stereotypical "gay" things didn't represent me. I didn't want to be associated with triviality, and all this stereotypical stuff. It wasn't me. It didn't want to be publicly reduced to what I saw as representing "gay". It took me a while to really internalize that gay means one simple thing, and that's it. It's not a cult you've joined. It's not becoming a different person or losing your integrity. You can do whatever you want and whatever makes you happy and fully maintain your attitude as an independent person.

There's a big difference between "gay people" and "visible gay people", I think. Most gay people you encounter, you have no idea they're gay because these stereotypes don't apply to them. However because of this, people don't particularly recognize them as "gay" so what gets the most attention is people who make "gay" their everything, and their full-time preoccupation.



I'll try to answer this but it's difficult because this isn't particularly what I was looking for so it's not like I was really "trying" to do this... so I don't know if my answer is what you'll be looking for. I'd say a few months? I would emphasize however that these things happened for me not when that's what I was "trying" to do, but when I was just interacting with guys (again, something I was only really able to do online when initially meeting anyone).



That's not really odd, or unusual. It's fine. Really. I would not worry about that. Nothing is wrong with you. Do what makes you happy. If you want a guy to be the "active partner" as they say, and you are still a strong, masculine person, there is no contradiction in that at all. It's cool. Don't feel like this undermines your masculinity, or anything else. Versatility is something that's kind of valued, but this is a very general statement because every situation and person you'd meet would be different. Just be who you are. You seem like a bright, interesting person with a lot going on for you. The music interest and involvement is great--I can identify with this. Guys will like you. Guy's YOU are interested in will like you. You've just got to put yourself where they can see that you're there, who you are, and that you're interested.

Also, don't get discouraged if something doesn't happen at any particular time... Or if you like someone and they don't feel the same way about you, etc. This kind of thing just happens. This is another reason why approaching it more casually is a wise idea (one I wish I'd followed a lot more myself, because I don't tend to be that kind of person). You will like someone and think they like you, but your expectations just won't meet and it will be painful, but you're better off without them. Don't internalize it as if there were something wrong with you. It just wasn't something that was right for you. If someone doesn't like you? Their loss--and it's good to get that out of the way rather than committing to some kind of relationship with them that will only end up being dysfunctional, and end in a lot of pain. Be yourself. Like yourself. Listen to yourself. Have a heart and be understanding, but don't become anyone's doormat. Doing otherwise is just impractical, a waste of time, and ultimately an obstacle to you getting what you want.

Sorry, I keep doing double-posts on WP by accident. I'm fairly new here and keep trying to use the "back" button on Safari to navigate back to a different place after posting something... which in this system seems will re-post what you'd written before. Irritating.

i cant dance...but last time i went to a bar the had all these mirrors and were playing really loud dubstep. i was stimming back and fourth and an attracting girl thought i was dancing. aspergers ftw

haha that's awesome.