Page 2 of 4 [ 52 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

puddingmouse
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,777
Location: Cottonopolis

04 Aug 2012, 11:33 am

Desukani wrote:
if she wants to have kids it is.
Sex isnt all about penetration you are right but it is what the rest of it revolves around.


For some people. Lesbians exist and not all of them do penetration. Even some straight couples who are incapable of it or don't want to do it, don't do it. The spectrum of sexual desires and experience is broad.

Sorry, it's just one of my red flags when people conflate sex per se with penetration. I realise that there's a biological reason for doing this, but I still find it annoying.

I like sex, but I've had lots of it where no penis entered my vagina, either because my partner didn't have one or because they didn't want to put it there. I still class those activities as sex and they didn't revolve around PIV penetration in any way. They were enjoyed on their own merits. This is coming from someone who likes penetration, btw.

Having children is an important motivator if that's what you want, but she didn't mention that in her OP. If I was desperate to have biological offspring, I would have the op.


_________________
Zombies, zombies will tear us apart...again.


Last edited by puddingmouse on 04 Aug 2012, 11:40 am, edited 3 times in total.

hanyo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,302

04 Aug 2012, 11:35 am

Desukani wrote:
Sex isnt all about penetration you are right but it is what the rest of it revolves around.


Which is quite unfortunate as I won't do penetration and because of this can't really do anything else because then the other person will probably expect it to lead up to that.



puddingmouse
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,777
Location: Cottonopolis

04 Aug 2012, 11:38 am

hanyo wrote:
Desukani wrote:
Sex isnt all about penetration you are right but it is what the rest of it revolves around.


Which is quite unfortunate as I won't do penetration and because of this can't really do anything else because then the other person will probably expect it to lead up to that.


The statement is untrue even for some heterosexual couples.


_________________
Zombies, zombies will tear us apart...again.


MyFutureSelfnMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,385

04 Aug 2012, 4:03 pm

Brandy, I think you should get an opinion from an MD outside Florida. Quality medical care (just like quality anything) is hard to come by in Florida and it's possible the tradeoff you're looking at would be reduced/unnecessary in, say, Massachusetts.



Desukani
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 104

05 Aug 2012, 12:52 am

puddingmouse wrote:
hanyo wrote:
Desukani wrote:
Sex isnt all about penetration you are right but it is what the rest of it revolves around.


Which is quite unfortunate as I won't do penetration and because of this can't really do anything else because then the other person will probably expect it to lead up to that.


The statement is untrue even for some heterosexual couples.


If both people in a heterosexual arent expecting penetration when it comes to sex they are lying to themselves.
Because sex is about instincts and our animalistic nature to want to reproduce.


_________________
Your Aspie score is 134 out of 200
Your neurotypical score is 71 out of 200
You are very likely an aspie


cozysweater
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Aug 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 576

05 Aug 2012, 2:48 am

Desukani wrote:
If both people in a heterosexual arent expecting penetration when it comes to sex they are lying to themselves.
Because sex is about instincts and our animalistic nature to want to reproduce.


This is nonsense. And arrogance. Sex in humans is much more about relational bonding than it will ever be about reproduction. Why else would we be one of the only species who have sex just for fun?



hanyo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,302

05 Aug 2012, 4:08 am

puddingmouse wrote:

The statement is untrue even for some heterosexual couples.


I imagine it is but for me personally I've never met a guy that I know of that wouldn't expect it at some point.



puddingmouse
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,777
Location: Cottonopolis

05 Aug 2012, 7:40 am

Desukani wrote:
puddingmouse wrote:
hanyo wrote:
Desukani wrote:
Sex isnt all about penetration you are right but it is what the rest of it revolves around.


Which is quite unfortunate as I won't do penetration and because of this can't really do anything else because then the other person will probably expect it to lead up to that.


The statement is untrue even for some heterosexual couples.


If both people in a heterosexual arent expecting penetration when it comes to sex they are lying to themselves.
Because sex is about instincts and our animalistic nature to want to reproduce.


404: 'Animalistic nature' not found


_________________
Zombies, zombies will tear us apart...again.


phyrehawke
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jan 2008
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 218
Location: SoCal US

05 Aug 2012, 10:14 am

Hi Brandy,

If you are not presently in a relationship, maybe your best bet is to put off the decision and the surgery, get some other opinions, buy time and wait for technology to advance. Advances in technology (which happen remarkably fast these days) will probably increase your chances of retaining your ability to walk after the surgery.

I have something totally unrelated to AS that has in the past put my ability to walk, and some other abilities, at some risk. I have also been a nurse and taken care of people confined to wheelchairs for life and that is not a lifestyle I could personally tolerate well. So I had to make some tough choices about what activities had to be given up to regain and maintain the stability that allowed me to stay on my feet. My husband has an interesting history of his own. He saw the need for the choices I was making and he's been understanding and supportive. I walk all the time, and I'm practical, so I prioritized by giving up problem activities that I didn't do all the time to have stability in activities I do use all the time, and we enjoy those activities together too. Sex is just one aspect of a lasting relationship, and you can be creative about it. It's not what it's all about for most people, especially long term. Personally I think sex is over-rated, especially by the media.

It's good that you asked for opinions, I think. This is a controversial subject and in the end you'll have to make your own best decision for yourself, but there is often some wisdom to be had from other people's experience even if it's not with exactly the same thing.



MyFutureSelfnMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,385

05 Aug 2012, 12:23 pm

phyrehawke wrote:
Hi Brandy,

If you are not presently in a relationship, maybe your best bet is to put off the decision and the surgery, get some other opinions, buy time and wait for technology to advance. Advances in technology (which happen remarkably fast these days) will probably increase your chances of retaining your ability to walk after the surgery.

I have something totally unrelated to AS that has in the past put my ability to walk, and some other abilities, at some risk. I have also been a nurse and taken care of people confined to wheelchairs for life and that is not a lifestyle I could personally tolerate well. So I had to make some tough choices about what activities had to be given up to regain and maintain the stability that allowed me to stay on my feet. My husband has an interesting history of his own. He saw the need for the choices I was making and he's been understanding and supportive. I walk all the time, and I'm practical, so I prioritized by giving up problem activities that I didn't do all the time to have stability in activities I do use all the time, and we enjoy those activities together too. Sex is just one aspect of a lasting relationship, and you can be creative about it. It's not what it's all about for most people, especially long term. Personally I think sex is over-rated, especially by the media.

It's good that you asked for opinions, I think. This is a controversial subject and in the end you'll have to make your own best decision for yourself, but there is often some wisdom to be had from other people's experience even if it's not with exactly the same thing.


I stand by my opinion that she should travel to a place like MGH in Boston and get an opinion from someone who has more advanced technology than what is available in Florida now, without waiting for the future. Unless she's already working with someone in Florida who is really good.



zeldapsychology
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,431
Location: Florida

05 Aug 2012, 9:09 pm

Hi. Everyone. Thanks for all the replies. My doctor is one of the best in the state and I jokingly mention during an out patient procedure he could cut me up and put me back together again I trust him as a doctor that much. He has also done past surgeries on me and no matter the newer doctors I get for other issues HE is the only one that looks at the past surgery stuff. Not even my physician looks at my body outside of a stethoscope basic stuff.

I agree perhaps wait it out and see what happens with a potential relationship. The doctor at my past check-up just brought it up as a "possibility" still and it was still on the table if I wanted to go that route although as he said there are other ways to have a loving relationship. :-)

Thanks.



MyFutureSelfnMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,385

06 Aug 2012, 12:52 am

As long as you're okay with your boyfriend getting sexual satisfaction from other women.



Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

06 Aug 2012, 8:25 am

MyFutureSelfnMe wrote:
As long as you're okay with your boyfriend getting sexual satisfaction from other women.


Guy thinks: "My girlfriend can't have penetrative sex unless she has an operation that may destroy her ability to walk. Rather than figure out other ways of giving each other pleasure, I'll just go cheat."
Are all guys really complete dicks? I think not.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


hanyo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,302

06 Aug 2012, 8:27 am

I still think she shouldn't do it just to satisfy some hypothetical future boyfriend that she may never get to engage in certain sexual acts that she may or may not enjoy.



puddingmouse
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,777
Location: Cottonopolis

06 Aug 2012, 8:29 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
MyFutureSelfnMe wrote:
As long as you're okay with your boyfriend getting sexual satisfaction from other women.


Guy thinks: "My girlfriend can't have penetrative sex unless she has an operation that may destroy her ability to walk. Rather than figure out other ways of giving each other pleasure, I'll just go cheat."
Are all guys really complete dicks? I think not.


And if you think that not all men are complete dicks, then you get called naive or lying to yourself. :roll:


_________________
Zombies, zombies will tear us apart...again.


hanyo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,302

06 Aug 2012, 8:31 am

MyFutureSelfnMe wrote:
As long as you're okay with your boyfriend getting sexual satisfaction from other women.


This is an example of one of the many reason I have no interest in having a boyfriend ever again. If people have that attitude that it's either put out or they'll cheat I'm better off without one.

I know that not all are like that but with my luck I'd end up with ones that were or pretended they weren't until they thought I was invested in the relationship enough that they could pressure me into it.