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transformingcar
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05 Aug 2012, 6:34 am

ok, well... it's not helping anyone for people to post that they can (or try too) accept being alone, or that they say they accept that they'll grow old and die alone. being alone for ones whole life is not acceptable, in fact, it is totally unacceptable. everyone needs someone to love, and I know I certainly do. at least I'm trying, making an attempt to meet people and hopefully find love someday. why don't you at least try? Look, to be honest, theres no point in liveing if you can't find love, that being said, if I don't find love withen the next few years, I will be sure to die as young as I can. I will not grow old just to die alone, if I have to live alone forever, I'd much rather go out and get my revenge on the sicko's who screwed up my life, its not my falt I don't have a girlfriend, I tried, but alot of people got in the way. So... yeah, no one should ever accept being alone, the only reason to live is to find true love, that's what human existense all about.



Kjas
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05 Aug 2012, 6:55 am

It might be your main goal in life, but that does not necessarily mean it is the main goal for others. This is why people are allowed to choose what goals they want to pursue, because not everyone is interested in the same thing.

They have a right to the way they feel (just like you do) and they and their feelings are valid (just like yours are), whether you agree with them or not (or whether they agree with yours). Invalidating the way anyone feels is not going to help anything - all it will do is cause conflict.

I understand your point, but you need to be careful of the way you phrase things. People get extremely sensitive when others start telling them what their goals should be or how they should feel.


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transformingcar
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05 Aug 2012, 7:10 am

Kjas wrote:
It might be your main goal in life, but that does not necessarily mean it is the main goal for others. This is why people are allowed to choose what goals they want to pursue, because not everyone is interested in the same thing.

They have a right to the way they feel (just like you do) and they and their feelings are valid (just like yours are), whether you agree with them or not (or whether they agree with yours). Invalidating the way anyone feels is not going to help anything - all it will do is cause conflict.

I understand your point, but you need to be careful of the way you phrase things. People get extremely sensitive when others start telling them what their goals should be or how they should feel.


why does no one here understand the major importance of finding that speical soemone and being in love?



Kjas
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05 Aug 2012, 7:11 am

Many do feel the same way as you. Just not everyone.


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SilkySifaka
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05 Aug 2012, 7:43 am

I'm sure a lot of people here feel exactly the same as you, but other's do not. I have found the right person and I am very happy but I don't feel that my life would be less worth living if I was single. Some people wish to remain single and others find themselves in such a situation not by their own choosing, but build good lives on their own. There is more than one way to live a fulfilling life.



transformingcar
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05 Aug 2012, 7:56 am

SilkySifaka wrote:
I'm sure a lot of people here feel exactly the same as you, but other's do not. I have found the right person and I am very happy but I don't feel that my life would be less worth living if I was single. Some people wish to remain single and others find themselves in such a situation not by their own choosing, but build good lives on their own. There is more than one way to live a fulfilling life.


my life is worthless without someone to love, as is any's life without someone to love.
the only way to truely live a fulfilling life is to find love. if you don't feel your life would be less worth liveing if you were single, then whoever this right person is, he or she deserves better then you, becuase clearly you don't acutally love this person if you think you'd be happy on you own.



mv
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05 Aug 2012, 8:02 am

transformingcar wrote:
SilkySifaka wrote:
I'm sure a lot of people here feel exactly the same as you, but other's do not. I have found the right person and I am very happy but I don't feel that my life would be less worth living if I was single. Some people wish to remain single and others find themselves in such a situation not by their own choosing, but build good lives on their own. There is more than one way to live a fulfilling life.


my life is worthless without someone to love, as is any's life without someone to love.
the only way to truely live a fulfilling life is to find love. if you don't feel your life would be less worth liveing if you were single, then whoever this right person is, he or she deserves better then you, becuase clearly you don't acutally love this person if you think you'd be happy on you own.


I'm so sorry you're in so much pain, but these are hyperbolic and quite skewed thoughts/interpretations.

I recommend you find something external to yourself to "live for". It will help you refine your perspective to something more healthy and more sustainable and grounded in real life.

You're very young, right? Like 18 or so? Time and experience are everything.



AScomposer13413
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05 Aug 2012, 8:20 am

transformingcar wrote:
my life is worthless without someone to love, as is any's life without someone to love.
the only way to truely live a fulfilling life is to find love.


For you and many others, sure. Nothing wrong with you believing this.

transformingcar wrote:
if you don't feel your life would be less worth liveing if you were single, then whoever this right person is, he or she deserves better then you, becuase clearly you don't acutally love this person if you think you'd be happy on you own.


That's a pretty large assertion to make, and one that is untrue. From what I gathered from the posters, that attitude is an indifference towards their social life, not a preference of one status over the other.


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jagatai
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05 Aug 2012, 8:46 am

transformingcar wrote:
ok, well... it's not helping anyone for people to post that they can (or try too) accept being alone, or that they say they accept that they'll grow old and die alone. being alone for ones whole life is not acceptable, in fact, it is totally unacceptable. everyone needs someone to love, and I know I certainly do. at least I'm trying, making an attempt to meet people and hopefully find love someday. why don't you at least try? Look, to be honest, theres no point in liveing if you can't find love, that being said, if I don't find love withen the next few years, I will be sure to die as young as I can. I will not grow old just to die alone, if I have to live alone forever, I'd much rather go out and get my revenge on the sicko's who screwed up my life, its not my falt I don't have a girlfriend, I tried, but alot of people got in the way. So... yeah, no one should ever accept being alone, the only reason to live is to find true love, that's what human existense all about.

More important than finding true love is being fully engaged with life. Love is a great thing. My life would be greatly diminished if I did not have the love of my friends and family, but I have survived quite well without an intimate relationship of my own. Yes, it is painful to never be able to make that kind of close relationship with someone else. It took until my early 40's before I could let go of the incessant desire for intimacy.

But there are other things that make life worth living. To be able to make a good photograph, or to write well, or to learn some new skill. These are all things that make my life valuable to me. Was Issac Newton's life worthless? If I remember correctly, he never had an intimate romantic relationship.

Obviously finding a romantic relationship is important to you. But what can be very frustrating is that this kind of love is often something that you find when you are doing something else. Pursuing love can put you in a mental state that is very unattractive to others. But when you are engaged in life for life's sake, you are likely to come off as more attractive because you seem to actually have real world interests.

Your suggestion of wanting to get revenge on someone for screwing up your life is rather troubling. What you write comes across as fairly irrational and you may have anger issues that go beyond normal. I hope you will seek some help in finding a more balanced view of reality.


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b9
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05 Aug 2012, 9:12 am

"love" will have to find it's way to me. i am not going looking for love because i am not sure if i am interested in it. at the moment i think i am not interested in love, but that is based upon the platform of my general mind and routine, and i know i am not looking for love but if i see it i will try to get it's attention. but people that i could love are nowhere to be found at the moment.

i do not care anyway. i live in my own world.



zxy8
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05 Aug 2012, 9:36 am

People are allowed to think for themselves. One persons' goals, may not be anothers'.



b9
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05 Aug 2012, 9:52 am

transformingcar wrote:
ok, well... it's not helping anyone for people to post that they can (or try too) accept being alone,
i am alone and i am happy. I defy your precept.

transformingcar wrote:
or that they say they accept that they'll grow old and die alone.
well whatever.

transformingcar wrote:
being alone for ones whole life is not acceptable, in fact, it is totally unacceptable.
i like my own company. i am happy that i exist every morning i wake up. i like to watch the cloud formations in the valley in the southwest and i start to feel hungry and then i become completely consumed as to my decision as to what lunch will be. no one else could interfere with my decision of what i will eat next.
i like to decide what i wish to do, and i will not have it any other way.
i do not wish to control people or have any influence upon them. i wish for them to forget about me and not be intruding into my mind any further.



thewhitrbbit
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05 Aug 2012, 9:55 am

If people are happy being alone, let them be alone.

If people are happy with someone, let them be with someone.



b9
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05 Aug 2012, 10:00 am

happiness should be left untouched.



spongy
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05 Aug 2012, 10:28 am

We all need different things to be happy.

Some people are happy when they can meet with someone a couple of times a week and they know that this person will try their best to listen to what they say/help them with whatever is going on in their lifes and doing the same thing for the other person.
This could be an aspect of a relationship but plenty of people are happy with just this(and plenty of people in relationships are happy to help them)

Some people want to be by themselves because they find relationships to be a bit restricting.
A friend was telling me the other day that I was so lucky to be able to leave a place whenever I wanted to/travel somewhere by myself and do whatever I want on my destination(from protests that involve the police to waiting for 10 hours on a train station just reading depending on what I feel like doing)...
Right now she has a partner and an extremely hard time to find a babysitter when she wants to go out with some friends without her kid.
Many people loathe this having to explain things/babysitter issues and have no intention of getting involved in a relationship unless it was clear that it wouldnt harm their freedom to do whatever they wish(which is extremely hard to find/almost impossible)

And there are plenty of other categories of people that are happy by themselves.
Im trying to find someone but if I come across someone thats happy to just be by themselves Im not going to feel sorry for them or anything because they have been lucky enough to find something that makes them happy and thats more than many people in relationships can say