this is not acceptable!! !
i think loneliness is felt by people who do not love themselves. when you can love yourself, other people are peripheral accoutrements. i think i am quite OK despite a lack of understanding or endorsement by others. sorry if i am being obtuse. i am tired and this is the last post of mine tonight.
Honestly, for most of my life, I thought I needed to be the smartest in order to love myself. Now that I don't care about school too much, I don't know how to love myself.
Um...most of the people who are commenting have been lonely at one point in their life or another. Personally, I'm not dating anyone at the moment, nor do I have any dating experience. It is really painful to be like Hitch - the guy who has an uncanny ability at bringing couples together, but is the worst at doing it for himself. It's exceptionally annoying to walk around and see couples being affectionate and it makes you wonder why you don't have that. Seeing that in and of itself is enough to desire it that much more. I do feel lonely at times with a lot of friends getting into relationships and I'm not. Heck, most of the relationships in my circles I had some role in seeing their being together...
...but you know what? I'm still happy with my life currently. I'm doing a lot of the things I'm passionate about (composing, hanging out with platonic friends, honing in on my relationship with God, etc.) and I haven't felt this happy in the longest while. Whether or not I'll be in a relationship within the next few months, I don't know, but I'm consciously deciding that the outcome of that is not going to be the deciding factor to control my mood. It took for me a shift in my mindset that happened over the past few months for me to realize this, and boy, am I glad that shift happened. Since then, I've had one other attempt at a relationship. It didn't work out, but I'm much more confident about future attempts.
TL;DR version - I'm not in a relationship and never have been, so I know the loneliness. The best way to overcome this, as tough and cliche as it sounds, is to not think about it.
_________________
I don't seek to be popular
I seek to be well-known
If we find a friendship that's forged without masks
Then I have done my job
Um...most of the people who are commenting have been lonely at one point in their life or another. Personally, I'm not dating anyone at the moment, nor do I have any dating experience. It is really painful to be like Hitch - the guy who has an uncanny ability at bringing couples together, but is the worst at doing it for himself. It's exceptionally annoying to walk around and see couples being affectionate and it makes you wonder why you don't have that. Seeing that in and of itself is enough to desire it that much more. I do feel lonely at times with a lot of friends getting into relationships and I'm not. Heck, most of the relationships in my circles I had some role in seeing their being together...
...but you know what? I'm still happy with my life currently. I'm doing a lot of the things I'm passionate about (composing, hanging out with platonic friends, honing in on my relationship with God, etc.) and I haven't felt this happy in the longest while. Whether or not I'll be in a relationship within the next few months, I don't know, but I'm consciously deciding that the outcome of that is not going to be the deciding factor to control my mood. It took for me a shift in my mindset that happened over the past few months for me to realize this, and boy, am I glad that shift happened. Since then, I've had one other attempt at a relationship. It didn't work out, but I'm much more confident about future attempts.
TL;DR version - I'm not in a relationship and never have been, so I know the loneliness. The best way to overcome this, as tough and cliche as it sounds, is to not think about it.
Sorry after many countless years it gets so frustrating lol
That's not love ... that's a warped fantasy. You want someone who will agree with you on everything, that's ... a puppet. Not a person.
No, they're just puppets.
puppets my A## if I can't live my life with my imagnairy friends, then who the F### am I supposed to live my life with?
AND besides that, didn't I say I don't want to talk about this anymore?
Transformingcar, I think I understand how you feel, but frankly, it's completely delusional and you sound like someone who possibly needs to be institutionalized. You sound potentially dangerous and, at least, very ill. I strongly suggest you seek professional help.
excuse me? how can you understand how I feel, when you want to institutionalize me? If I am so dangerous, then it is becuase of all the torture, hate and pain I have been forced to go through. I have been in the hospital before, the docters there only made my life all the more miserable. and I am going to both family therapy, AND indidivual therapy.
agian you don't understand, you don't understand how evil the people are who put me in this horrific nightmare. and if you want to put me in an instittution, you are just as evil as they are.
now, I'll say it again, I don't want to talk about this any longer... so stop bullying me.
Well, I deleted it because I thought you couldn't handle it.
I want you institutionalized because the way you're talking you may be a danger to yourself, the people around you, and the whole aspie community. You accuse people of bullying you when you're the one calling people evil, telling them they don't understand what love is and do not feel, and making what could be construed as threats? Listen, you're young, idealistic, and feel things more intensely than older people but that does not mean that they have not gone through suffering and loneliness, have not been deeply in love, have not despaired and felt as though everyone was against them and no one understood them. It's pretty arrogant of you to assume so. I would not be surprised if people on this forum have not suffered more than you and overcome it. People are giving you good advice and being more patient with you than, frankly, you deserve, when all you do is insult them. THAT is unacceptable. You started this thread to vent your frustration at people who don't feel the same as you do and now you'd like to back out of it, but it's still here.
Yes, I can understand how you feel. I've been institutionalized myself, you know, and it's a good thing I was, though it was anything but fun. You're very, very immature and I certainly hope you do not get a girlfriend until you do a lot of growing up. Considering what you think love is, she would be bound to disappoint you and feel your wrath anyway.
I want you institutionalized because the way you're talking you may be a danger to yourself, the people around you, and the whole aspie community. You accuse people of bullying you when you're the one calling people evil, telling them they don't understand what love is and do not feel, and making what could be construed as threats? Listen, you're young, idealistic, and feel things more intensely than older people but that does not mean that they have not gone through suffering and loneliness, have not been deeply in love, have not despaired and felt as though everyone was against them and no one understood them. It's pretty arrogant of you to assume so. I would not be surprised if people on this forum have not suffered more than you and overcome it. People are giving you good advice and being more patient with you than, frankly, you deserve, when all you do is insult them. THAT is unacceptable. You started this thread to vent your frustration at people who don't feel the same as you do and now you'd like to back out of it, but it's still here.
Yes, I can understand how you feel. I've been institutionalized myself, you know, and it's a good thing I was, though it was anything but fun. You're very, very immature and I certainly hope you do not get a girlfriend until you do a lot of growing up. Considering what you think love is, she would be bound to disappoint you and feel your wrath anyway.
I think it's the "normal" people that need help!! Transformingcar don't listen to this person. You should be free to speak your mind and complain about the idiots that ruined your life and not get institutionalized!! I guess this shows America isn't a free country anymore.
Oh, and it's always the immature heavy drinkers that get girls so how about YOU grow up and quit suggesting institutionalization as a quick answer to a complicated problem.
Oh, and it's always the immature heavy drinkers that get girls so how about YOU grow up and quit suggesting institutionalization as a quick answer to a complicated problem.
If he's seriously thinking about attacking people, as he suggested, yes, he should be. I didn't say he should be institutionalized for talking. I don't know what you even mean by talking about who "gets girls". The world doesn't owe you girls, and you're not entitled to go on a rampage because you didn't get one. The "complicated problem" is his mental illness, and subjecting some unsuspecting girl to it would not be a solution.
Oh, and it's always the immature heavy drinkers that get girls so how about YOU grow up and quit suggesting institutionalization as a quick answer to a complicated problem.
If he's seriously thinking about attacking people, as he suggested, yes, he should be. I didn't say he should be institutionalized for talking. I don't know what you even mean by talking about who "gets girls". The world doesn't owe you girls, and you're not entitled to go on a rampage because you didn't get one. The "complicated problem" is his mental illness, and subjecting some unsuspecting girl to it would not be a solution.
I don't think he said "attack", but to "get revenge". Probably he's just imagining it and won't put into action.
By "get girls", I meant that girls are more likely to voluntarily date them. I didn't mean it as if they owed them. Perhaps the world doesn't owe me a girl, but yet expects me to go to college and hold a full time job! What kind of hipocrisy is that!? I've contributed a lot to this world and they've taken my contributions and not only failed to give me credit, they don't give anything back. Maybe I should teach them a lesson by not contributing anymore.
Yeah, so? I didn't say growing up would get him a girlfriend, I said that I hoped he didn't get one until he did, because he'd make a crappy boyfriend. I'm not saying girls don't date the wrong guys, but I don't wish it on them. Girls are people, not rewards.
Did going to college and getting a job help you keep a roof over your head and food on your table? There's your reward. Women are not obligated to have sex with you because you have a job. Sorry, but someone has to talk sense to you guys with your ridiculous sense of entitlement.
Though I am no expert, ss far as I can tell, you don't respect yourself. I don't care if you love yourself or not, because that is not as important as respect, but if you don't respect yourself, how can you hope for anyone else to respect and love you? And before you say that you have never been respected or loved in your life, that all those anonymous people who have treated you like dirt have destroyed you, I feel I must point out that they don't matter. Change starts with yourself, not with other people. Change yourself.
Stop blaming people, animals and the universe in general for your lot in life. And, good Lord, how on earth is society to blame and why are you so important it has a vested interest in your continued unhappiness? Please get over yourself, because that attitude is only annoying and not sympathetic at all.
You have no one right now, so you had better start living for yourself until that special someone comes along. If you don't live for yourself first, especially when you currently have no one else to live for, then what are doing? Drifting? Simply existing for the sake of existence? I can think of nothing more empty and meaningless than that.
And why are you more deserving of love than any other Average Joe out there? Again, why are you so important? What reason is there for your romantic fulfillment to be on the universe's priority list? Work for it yourself.
Stop obsessing over what other people think of you, and start working towards being a better, happier person on your power. Don't expect all your ducks to waddle into a row without any effort on your part. DO somthing.
And as other people have pointed out, there are different kinds of love. Familial love, love for animals, love for art or love for whimsy. Love for the world in general, if you want. Don't delude yourself into thinking that romantic love is that only kind that counts.
And before you rant at me, as you have done to so many other perfectly polite people, I also want to find love. Its what I dream of. I want someone who will love me and hold me, and genuinely care about and respect me. I want him to love my flaws as much as my virtues, be willing to argue if I'm wrong, listen if I'm right and help me reach my goals. But finding this person is not the sole reason for my continued existence. I have many goals, many dreams, some more important than others. I know I will be happy without a life-mate, perhaps less than I would be with one, but I will be happy. And even if and when I find this person, I will still be my own person, and have a life besides clinging to him every second, and drawing every breath for his sake. And I hope he will think the same.
And before you throw up your terrible past as a defense, I will point out that terrible things happen to everyone. I have lived a nightmare, I know what its like to be torn to sheds from the inside out, but I am working past it. I absolutely refuse to wallow, because then the people who have hurt me so deeply win, and I lose everything, even more than what they have intended. And I, as someone who has been hurt and terrified and humiliated, find it insulting when others who have suffered similiar things refuse to move ahead. And worse, when they use their suffering as an excuse. Its weak and disrespectful, to yourself and others.
Find a cause other than finding the love of your life. Find some other reason to live, because then, when that person finally comes along, your life will only be that much more fulfilling.
And have patience. No love blossoms overnight. You sound as young as I do, and even if you are not, you still have a good long life ahead of you. Make it count.
I'm sorry if my honesty insults you, but please, consider what I have said? I might be annoyed with your attitude, but I don't want you to unhappy. What I have said is the truth. What other people have said is the truth. The truth hurts, but it also helps and heals. Don't disregard it.
oh, wow... your arugment is so invaild. I will say one thing, don't go and suicide yourself. now in my case, I'd much rather be die in an "accident" or... I'd pefer to get my revenge on the idiots who destroyed my life, Then, I'd set something up that would end the pain.
so, i don't have much for options, although I don't want to die. but anyway, and to be honest, the "average joe" as you call them, are the kind of people who constantly torture and torment me, just becuse I have the capacity for sensitive feelings which they do not.
now, clearly you don't understand how bad it hurts... all I've been through. I'm getting quite disgusted by all the hate you and so many others have for my existence, after all the horrible things this world had done to me, and I mostly mean the town I live in, I most certainly derserve what I want and need, the people, who tormented me so, they owe me quite alot. They took away everything, I never took anything from them. and lastly, if you don't understand how important love really is... then you don't deserve to find love, and that goes for anyone and everyone, who refuses to accept the importance of true love. I am becoming sick of your negetiveity towards love. it's clear to me now, I am one of the few who truely understands the value of love, and as such, I am one of the few who actually deserve it.
unless you can prove otherwise, in a reasonable manner. I will thank you for just one thing, You've made it so very clear, and what is clear, is that I truely am the only one who understands, who cares, who needs, who feels, who loves, Only I will ever know the truth, as the world has been blinded, perhaps it is not your falt, that you lack the capacity for love, yet that is how it is, I know should feel bad or you, and I most certainly do. if only I could remove the blindfold from your eyes, then maybe there would be hope or this world....
[b]Pardon me? Where exactly did I mention suicide? And why would I want to kill myself?
And where do you get off saying I have no capacity for love? You know nothing about me. I could be in the midst of a romance worthy of Shakespear for all you know. I happen to love a great many people, feel a affection for a great many more and currently am not allowing myself to rot from the inside out by hating others. I tried my best not to insult you, to extend as much sympathy, understanding and advice as I was able and you reply to me in this fashion? For shame!
I do not believe you understanding the meaning of love, and I find your arrogance in asuming that you do disgusting. I am so enraged my fingers are shaking.
So many people have taken the time to reply to you in this discussion. They have put forth many thought provoking words and oppinions that you have utterly disregarded. Your complete self-absorption and lack of courtesy astound and disgustd me. You insult and attack anyone who's oppinion differs with yours. You show no respect to anyone who disagrees.
You have not said anything to explain yourself. You want people to fall at your feet and you wan the world function around you. I do not agree 99% of the things you have said, and yet I tried to treat with a courtesy due to one of my peers. And you say such horrible things to me?
You act the bully.
You act the coward.
You have no right to demand that everyones oppinions mirror your own, and then when they don't, insult them so horribly.
You are acting like a spoiled child and a drama queen. And worse, you think everything you say is true a justified. You insult every lonely person out there and you bring disdain down upon yourself.
You disgust me!
Cease your whining. Stop this melodrama and adress your problems and lonliness and confront them like an adult.
And your torment? People have hurt you? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HATE IN YOUR OWN FATHERS EYES AND CRINGED AWAY?! HAVE YOU SAT IN THE RAIN, ALONE, SOBBING TILL YOU VOMIT? HAVE YOU FELT YOUR HEART BREAK OPEN AND BLEED? HAVE YOU AND EVERYONE YOU HOLD DEAR BE THREATENED WITH A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH? HAS HALF YOUR FACE BEEN TORN AWAY AND YOUR FAVORITE DRESS SAOKED WITH BLOOD WHILE YOU SHAKE AND WORRY ABOUT WHAT LIES BEYOND THIS LIFE? hAVE YOU VOMITED BLOOD AND NOT MANAGED TO FEEL THE HORROR OF IT?
Any sympathy I had for you is exhausted. You wallow in misery and enjoy it. I have no patience for victims who use their past as a cudgel. I wach my hands of you, and any [b]advice I tried so hard to give. To anyone else reading this post, I am sorry if you find it inappropriate. I simply could not stand this person attitude. If I have disturbed or offended anyone other than transforming car, I am sorry. I feel sick for bring up my past, but someone had to tell this person he is not the only victim in the world.
And every word I said. Its true
_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
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spongy
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
Please reduce the amount of: personal attacks(please consider being institutionalized, you are immature....) and this goes for both sides(telling people that they dont deserve love just because they dont agree with your vision of love...).
Otherwise you'll be better off saying goodbye to this thread because it seems to have stopped being a healthy discussion.