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SilkySifaka
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05 Aug 2012, 10:43 am

transformingcar wrote:
SilkySifaka wrote:
I'm sure a lot of people here feel exactly the same as you, but other's do not. I have found the right person and I am very happy but I don't feel that my life would be less worth living if I was single. Some people wish to remain single and others find themselves in such a situation not by their own choosing, but build good lives on their own. There is more than one way to live a fulfilling life.


my life is worthless without someone to love, as is any's life without someone to love.
the only way to truely live a fulfilling life is to find love. if you don't feel your life would be less worth liveing if you were single, then whoever this right person is, he or she deserves better then you, becuase clearly you don't acutally love this person if you think you'd be happy on you own.


Wow. Where to start with that?

No, he doesn't deserve better than me, nor I him. I simply recognise that I am not worthless on my own, and that my life would still be worth living if I was single. He feels much the same. I am quite sure I love my partner but 'I must be with you or I shall die!' attitude is one that you generally grow out of (although some people don't). I would be very upset if my relationship (and future marriage) failed, but I would not consider my life to be not worth living. I don't look at my friends who are single or divorced and think 'Wow, why don't you just kill yourself.'. As many people who have been in unhappy marriages will tell you, there is nothing lonelier than being with the wrong person.

That passionate first flush of love (or infatuation) is the easy part, the difficult bit is building a lasting relationship with someone who isn't perfect (because nobody is), and keeping those feelings alive in the face of poverty, ill health and tragedy. Having someone to love and who loves you back can be the best feeling in the world, but it doesn't necessarily make life easy, or perfect.

I am sure you will meet someone who will love you as you love them.



JanuaryMan
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05 Aug 2012, 10:53 am

Happiness is not one size fits all. Some are content being alone, some want more.
For the record, nice enough sounding people stating they are happy being alone gives hope to some of those who never find anybody, and perhaps gives them a different outlook on life.

Now, time for the shock treatment:

--It may not have been your fault you couldn't get girlfriends before, but it definitely is now.
--You might end up alone, for good. So being happy by yourself is an excellent starting point.
--You do not decide what is an acceptable lifestyle choice for others with your condition, let alone the human condition.
--There are people that never even date their whole lives and accomplish much more and reach higher contentment than those who do.

And finally, some questions:

You say a relationship will grant you happiness yet have you thought deeply about why it would?
What did the sickos do to you?
How did people get in your way before?
What's stopping you now?



FalsettoTesla
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05 Aug 2012, 11:11 am

I do not understand the view that life owes you a romantic partner. It doesn't.

Some people shouldn't have a romantic partner. People who abuse their partners shouldn't have them, people who try to make their partner their everything should probably be alone.

It is not health to view love the way that you are viewing it.

I have a partner, and I love him very, very much. He improves my life greatly. I plan to spend the rest of my life with him (we even have a cat together, the closest we will get to having children). But he is not my everything, he is not my reason for being and I would continue to exist without him.

I agree that people need love to exist

But what you seem to be forgetting is that there are many different types of love. The love of a friend, parent, child, or pet can be just as - and at times more - sustaining and nourishing than that of a romantic partner. The passion you feel for a subject of interest, or a project can also be sustaining.

When you start living just for one thing, you stop living in a remotely healthy manner.

There are so many reasons to live, and things that improve your life above and beyond a romantic partner. I've been told that the love one feels for their offspring eclipses anything felt previously, much like the experience of going into space.

So, inconclusion, get a hobby and stop fixating on romance and then maybe you'll be the kind of guy who should be in a romantic relationship.;



transformingcar
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05 Aug 2012, 11:17 am

JanuaryMan wrote:
Happiness is not one size fits all. Some are content being alone, some want more.
For the record, nice enough sounding people stating they are happy being alone gives hope to some of those who never find anybody, and perhaps gives them a different outlook on life.

Now, time for the shock treatment:

--It may not have been your fault you couldn't get girlfriends before, but it definitely is now.
--You might end up alone, for good. So being happy by yourself is an excellent starting point.
--You do not decide what is an acceptable lifestyle choice for others with your condition, let alone the human condition.
--There are people that never even date their whole lives and accomplish much more and reach higher contentment than those who do.

And finally, some questions:

You say a relationship will grant you happiness yet have you thought deeply about why it would?
What did the sickos do to you?
How did people get in your way before?
What's stopping you now?


to answer your qeustions, in order as you stated them,
I have thought very deeply about how a relastionship would make me happy, it would give my life meaning, knowing there is someone important to me, who I am also important too.
the sickos, well they physicaly abused me, emotionally abused me, and framed me crimes I did not comit. I'd go into father detail, but I fear some of those details may be.... disturbing...

how did people get in my way? well, lets start with my school years for example, everytime I tried to socailize, the school staff would tell the other students to abiod me, and on a more recent note, when I tried to make friends at a program I used to go to, agian, the prgram staff, did the sane thing, they then kicked my out forever becuase I couldn't get along with just one other person, who might I add, this person tried to destroy the friendship I had with my buddy, in the early stages of that friendship. and to be even more recent, many people have been harrassing me, both on facebook and right in town. this of course makes it extremely difficult to get anywhere in life.
(this is were I have to yet agian tell you that it's not my fault I can't get a girlfriend, look at the facts)

and as for whats stopping me know? the constant harrassment I recieve from various sources on a regular basis.



transformingcar
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05 Aug 2012, 11:21 am

FalsettoTesla wrote:
I do not understand the view that life owes you a romantic partner. It doesn't.

Some people shouldn't have a romantic partner. People who abuse their partners shouldn't have them, people who try to make their partner their everything should probably be alone.

It is not health to view love the way that you are viewing it.

I have a partner, and I love him very, very much. He improves my life greatly. I plan to spend the rest of my life with him (we even have a cat together, the closest we will get to having children). But he is not my everything, he is not my reason for being and I would continue to exist without him.

I agree that people need love to exist

But what you seem to be forgetting is that there are many different types of love. The love of a friend, parent, child, or pet can be just as - and at times more - sustaining and nourishing than that of a romantic partner. The passion you feel for a subject of interest, or a project can also be sustaining.

When you start living just for one thing, you stop living in a remotely healthy manner.

There are so many reasons to live, and things that improve your life above and beyond a romantic partner. I've been told that the love one feels for their offspring eclipses anything felt previously, much like the experience of going into space.

So, inconclusion, get a hobby and stop fixating on romance and then maybe you'll be the kind of guy who should be in a romantic relationship.;


I have many hobby's drawing is my favorite, but it means nothing to me, if it means nothing to anyone else...



NatureLover
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05 Aug 2012, 12:43 pm

You're right, you're not living life if there's no love. However, there are some people who can live without it. Sometimes I feel like I can live without love if I choose it, but my goal is to find my true love that I could be engaged with, not some idiot out there who likes cheating. I want to be in love and be happy because it really puts color into our lives. I want happiness, that has always been my dream because I've never been with anyone, never been kissed, and still a virgin. There are days when I just want to be alone, but there are days when I just want to cuddle with someone because I ache for love. I need love, it's part of life. I even hug my own stuffed animals just to feel like I'm cuddling with the man of my dreams. I understand that it's unacceptable to say that you will always be alone, but sometimes we just can't help it. There's just something that keeps holding us back.


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05 Aug 2012, 3:26 pm

transformingcar wrote:
ok, well... it's not helping anyone for people to post that they can (or try too) accept being alone, or that they say they accept that they'll grow old and die alone. being alone for ones whole life is not acceptable, in fact, it is totally unacceptable. everyone needs someone to love, and I know I certainly do. at least I'm trying, making an attempt to meet people and hopefully find love someday. why don't you at least try? Look, to be honest, theres no point in liveing if you can't find love, that being said, if I don't find love withen the next few years, I will be sure to die as young as I can. I will not grow old just to die alone, if I have to live alone forever, I'd much rather go out and get my revenge on the sicko's who screwed up my life, its not my falt I don't have a girlfriend, I tried, but alot of people got in the way. So... yeah, no one should ever accept being alone, the only reason to live is to find true love, that's what human existense all about.


You need an animal companion. Go to your local shelter and get a rescue dog or get any animal you can bond with. An animal will return your love and will give your life meaning. Dogs in animal shel;ters may be euthanized if nobody comes to get them. So save a dog today and you will be loved by that dog.



transformingcar
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05 Aug 2012, 5:56 pm

Janissy wrote:
transformingcar wrote:
ok, well... it's not helping anyone for people to post that they can (or try too) accept being alone, or that they say they accept that they'll grow old and die alone. being alone for ones whole life is not acceptable, in fact, it is totally unacceptable. everyone needs someone to love, and I know I certainly do. at least I'm trying, making an attempt to meet people and hopefully find love someday. why don't you at least try? Look, to be honest, theres no point in liveing if you can't find love, that being said, if I don't find love withen the next few years, I will be sure to die as young as I can. I will not grow old just to die alone, if I have to live alone forever, I'd much rather go out and get my revenge on the sicko's who screwed up my life, its not my falt I don't have a girlfriend, I tried, but alot of people got in the way. So... yeah, no one should ever accept being alone, the only reason to live is to find true love, that's what human existense all about.


You need an animal companion. Go to your local shelter and get a rescue dog or get any animal you can bond with. An animal will return your love and will give your life meaning. Dogs in animal shel;ters may be euthanized if nobody comes to get them. So save a dog today and you will be loved by that dog.


theres a problem with that, 1. it cost several hundred dollers to be allowed to keep a pet in the apartments where I live, which I do not have. I can't afford the security deposit. 2. dogs are not the same as humans, a dog does not "love" they only show affection becuase they get free food.... still I wanted a kitten, becuase I like cats better.... even still, becuase I don't have the money to pay the security deposit, that can't happen.



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05 Aug 2012, 7:00 pm

The only thing I think is unacceptable is if people started expecting EVERYONE to be happy alone.

It's obvious that you want to find love. I do, too. I'm 27. It probably won't happen till I'm in my 30's, at least (now that I realize that I need someone reasonably close by geographically.)

But some people DO in fact prefer to be single. It's just as unacceptable to expect everyone to want to find love with a romantic partner, when some don't want it. In fact, I daresay that's one of society's problems - this "expectation" that you marry and have kids at some point in your life.

If given the chance to marry (someone who I really love) and have kids, I'd jump on it - because I actually want it, not because society tells me to.


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transformingcar
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06 Aug 2012, 4:04 pm

Quote:
The only thing I think is unacceptable is if people started expecting EVERYONE to be happy alone.

It's obvious that you want to find love. I do, too. I'm 27. It probably won't happen till I'm in my 30's, at least (now that I realize that I need someone reasonably close by geographically.)

But some people DO in fact prefer to be single. It's just as unacceptable to expect everyone to want to find love with a romantic partner, when some don't want it. In fact, I daresay that's one of society's problems - this "expectation" that you marry and have kids at some point in your life.

If given the chance to marry (someone who I really love) and have kids, I'd jump on it - because I actually want it, not because society tells me to




In my case, society does not want me find love, or marry, or have kids,
But I want it more (and need it more) than those so called "normal" people derserve it.
to be honest, I think most "normal" people don't derserve to find love, becuase they tend to think of it as a game.



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06 Aug 2012, 4:20 pm

You know, attempts at finding love here has more often than not been... depressing. It either works out or it doesn't and here it has not.
What I need matters more than what I want and what I need is the following:
1. A sense of happiness. I believe I fear dying unhappy rather than dying alone.
2. Need people to talk to, need people to share some common interests with, need people to share a cold beer with, need people to exercise with, and need people to work with and need people to live with. Don't necessarily have to love them, but some I can create a bond with.
3. Need my downtime for when I get that sensory overload and I need my hobbies.
4. Need to fully understand who I am and where I am going. I already know where I came from, and know how it has shaped me up to this point.



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06 Aug 2012, 5:10 pm

aspiemike wrote:
I believe I fear dying unhappy rather than dying alone.


I like that. Quote of the day!

OP, I'm sorry that you're hurting so much, but hope you come to realize there's a difference between acceptance and giving up. Some of us still want to work on finding a good relationship, but also want to enjoy our lives as best we can in the meantime. And, when people put out so much pressure and negative energy towards single people it really makes that hard.



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06 Aug 2012, 5:19 pm

transformingcar wrote:
SilkySifaka wrote:
I'm sure a lot of people here feel exactly the same as you, but other's do not. I have found the right person and I am very happy but I don't feel that my life would be less worth living if I was single. Some people wish to remain single and others find themselves in such a situation not by their own choosing, but build good lives on their own. There is more than one way to live a fulfilling life.


my life is worthless without someone to love, as is any's life without someone to love.

You may feel that yours is, but that doesn't mean others feel that way. What about religious who have taken vows and who are single for their entire lives? What about people who choose a life of solitude for a higher purpose or because it simply makes them happy? I'm married and have kids, but if for some reason I never married or had kids then my life would in no way be worthless. It would be worth something, even if it was just worth something to me. How dare you tell someone that their life is worthless if they are alone!

the only way to truely live a fulfilling life is to find love. if you don't feel your life would be less worth liveing if you were single, then whoever this right person is, he or she deserves better then you, becuase clearly you don't acutally love this person if you think you'd be happy on you own.


Many, many people do life a truly fulfilling life alone. Who are you to say what is fulfilling to someone else? I feel that my kids are my life and honestly I can't imagine I'd be happy without them, but I would never dare to presume to tell anyone else that their life is worthless without kids!

Also, I don't know whether or not I'd be happy if I were still single. I might be, I might not be. My life could have taken a different path and I might be happily devoted to a career, or even in a convent somewhere. There is no telling how things could have turned out. Also, many people who have found love end up losing it and happier single than they were when they were with someone.

Never assume that everyone else is like you. Never assume that everyone else is like anyone else, but themself. Personally, when somebody tells me they are happy, I tend to believe them.

You have also said you are alone and so I'm guessing you don't know what it's really like to find someone to love. It's not a walk in the park all the time. It's very arrogant to try to tell someone that their life is meaningless without something that you also don't have and know nothing about.

I understand it's important to you, and so you should pursue that. However, don't expect it to solve all your problems. It never does that for anybody.


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Who_Am_I
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06 Aug 2012, 7:16 pm

You know what's really unacceptable? Telling people what to think.
Plus, you obviously don't know a damn thing about dogs.


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06 Aug 2012, 7:37 pm

transformingcar wrote:
why does no one here understand the major importance of finding that speical soemone and being in love?


We do ... it's just not the end-all be-all of life, and this is seriously unhealthy:

transformingcar wrote:
my life is worthless without someone to love


This will either prevent you from ever finding anyone, or, likely ruin any relationship you do find.

People who do find happiness tend to go through a relationship or two first, getting to know themselves and understand relationships. Sometimes these end amicably, other times they end horribly ... especially when one person is fixated on a some sort of super-dependance on the other person. You kind of need to learn to be independant in a relationship before you can have a healthy one.



transformingcar
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06 Aug 2012, 9:05 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
You know what's really unacceptable? Telling people what to think.
Plus, you obviously don't know a damn thing about dogs.


man, I used to have two dogs, I treated them quite well, but they hated me. I fed them often, I tried to play with them, but the one would always avoid me, and the other one kept growling at me, and they both had bite me many times. even thouh I tried so much to take good care of them. don't ever tell me I don't know about dogs, I treated my pets with much love, both dogs, and a cat, but they never did care one bit about me!