Recall Day's Events or Earlier Events

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My child's almost 5 and was diagnosed when he was almost 4. He is now receiving home based ABA (focusing primarily on Natural Environment Teaching or NET) and responding extremely well. His language is increasing and we see him initiating an interaction. Compared with even a year ago when he limited language (one or two word phrases) we are pleased with the rate of progress.

He appears to have a good memory (a good visual memory, for example, and also can remember songs and scenes from videos), but really struggles with recalling day's events or even earlier events ("what did you do today?" or "who came to the house this morning?")

Part of this may be the language issue, he still struggles with WH questions (especially who/where/why/when), but I wonder if part of this has to do with the memory characteristics of children on the spectrum... that is, short term versus long term memory differences.

However, don't all long term memory begin as short term memory? I've read in non-parenting forums here that some can recall details of an event to the granular level of the smells and sights and surrounding people or actions, but doesn't this start out as a short term memory and get committed into long term memory?

I don't want to confuse what is a "typical struggle" for my child because of his autism versus something that he is specifically struggling with because of some other issues. Any similar experiences and advice/insight much appreciated!

P.S. part of my concern is that he will be going to a typical preschool this autumn. He will have an ABA-trained aide there, but I want to be able to ask him what he did at school, who did he talk to, etc. More for personal safety reasons (he's been injured by a peer in the past in a self-contained special education environment.)

I don't know, I think maybe it is a boy thing? My 8 yo NT son has trouble answering those questions too (as does my 6 yo ASD son). I tend to think it is a matter of what is important to us is not always important to them and that this dichotomy exists with ASD kids and NT kids. Not to say that there couldn't be something else going on with your kiddo but that's been my experience with mine. For me, in order to get either of my boys to talk to me about what they did during the day at school, I have to know something about their day to begin with. For example, I had pretty much daily email communication with my ASD son's Kindergarten teacher. She would email me before I left work so by the time I got home I knew something about how his day went. This gave me something to start a conversation with him. I also tried to chat with my NT son's teacher on a regular basis so I knew something about what they were doing in class. Maybe in the morning the preschool teachers could give you some idea of what they are going to do each day so you can ask him more specific questions.

My son also struggled with that. Even to this day (he is 11 now), I find it necessary to ask him about a specific time of day and include something visual, like what did you choose for lunch today (then if he can't remember, show him the lunch menu). I wonder if being visual, when you ask him "who" came to see him this morning, he has the picture of the person in his head, but not the name. So you might ask 20 questions type questions like, was it a man? was it a woman? was it a child? were they wearing a suit? did they sit at the table or on the couch? It helps when you begin to know the answers to these questions. We also do questions like what was a happy part of your day? What was a sad part of your day? Was there anything funny? Was anyone surprised today? Was there anything you wish could happen again? Was there anything you wish could be different about today? Also, we make sure that everyone in the family is answering questions about their day, so it is not like he is just getting grilled, but it is more of a conversation.


I agree that it is also important to stay in good communication with the teacher, know your child's schedule, know when there is a change in schedule, and find out about a couple of good things everyday, not just the bad reports. Many people also talk about how their children need a down time after school and can't talk right away. So you might make some other time a time for questions about school. We like dinner time. Others do it at bath time or bed time or other times. This may not be the case with your son, but just in case, it can't hurt to be prepared.

Yes, I have a 12-year-old who still has difficulty and is slooowly starting to be able to name the day an event happened (you can see that it takes a bunch of mental calculations for him to do so, sometimes even counting days on his fingers or remembering what type of birthday party he had that year, it isn't at all a "natural" process.)

Someone once wrote somewhere that one of the ways NT understand the passage of time is by the way our memory naturally degrades and many kids on the spectrum, especially those with an eidetic memory.

(I think I experienced this as a child - not sure what my relationship is to the spectrum - as I've gotten older, the only crystal-clear memories I have now are of very bad things or of very difficult things.)

You might try looking up executive dysfunction and read up about that. My kiddo (12) has had this problem all of his life so a good relationship was needed with his teachers if I every wanted to find out something!

Thank you for your responses!

Our ABA team is working on "working memory" with our child (more along the lines of, "what did we just do?"), and it does seem like a continuing issue with him.

I don't want to keep stressing him by testing him if this is something he's still developing a level of skills toward... and yes having a good relationship with the teacher will be important. I'm even thinking of volunteering to do something on school grounds.

I'm interested in more parents chiming in -- if there's a way for you to help your child develop working memory skills without stressing him/her out (it just sounds like a test, and kids in general get annoyed by parents' "what did you do today" questions) -- I'd love to hear about it!

With my own daughter it is only certain things she remembers with uncanny detail. Some things, which might seem poignant or memorable to me make not a bit of a memorable impression on her. Unimportant data collection is really where she excells, which is visual memory. She will recognize books, knows the make model of cars people drive, knows if someone wears a shirt they've never worn and can remember the color of shirts people wear on specific days. So, it is a "picture" memory instead of an event memory base.

So, I guess as time as gone by I've come to understand my daughter's thinking and our conversations are suited that way. I am sure most would think our conversations were odd or unconventional, but I think if having a lengthy discussion on the differences between car models or planets or geographical places is what she enjoys then I think it is a fine way to bring us together. Besides, I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."