Mother of an Autistic child.

Post Reply New Topic

My neighbor has an Autistic Child and neither the mother or father don't know how to deal with her. Both these people are very young and I always question about them having children. I'm also wondering if the dad is on the Autism Spectrum too.

Anyhow, I would like to get your thoughts on what I read today on facebook. The mother posts that her daughter was getting all worked up and acting goofy again so the mother slapped her hands on her daughter's gate. I was intensed with irritation and hid her post where I won't see it at least on my facebook page.


Considering her daughter is Autistic do you think this very young mother should have gotten on facebook and referred to her as goofy?

If these parents don't get their s**t together and start using positive reenforcement instead of holding her down on the floor to comb her hair, brush her teeth, etc and whipping her they are going to have a lot of problems. I don't know how Autistic their daughter is but she seem more severe on the Autism Spectrum than most of us. She isn't in school yet, but these parents troubles are just beginning to start. As their daughter gets older these parents run the risk of their daughter hating them.

The mother contacted me and ask me questions which I quickly recognized her as being on the Autism Spectrum and sounds like she is Bipolar as well. I recommend that they take her to a health professional specializing in Autism.

Where I live, it is illegal to hit children!

Don't think it is illegal in the US?

There's no denying this was a very wrong reaction to a child, especially one with these kinds of behavioural problems. I think the parents probably need some help but don't know how to access it. It sounds like they're not only not dealing with the issues but quite probably making them worse.

All you can do is suggest she takes her daughter to a medical professional, which you've already done. Other than that, if you feel there are some serious neglect and/or abuse issues you can contact social services and tell them your concerns. I would personally be VERY careful interfering though, the backlash could be quite extreme, especially if the parents are young and possibly have some problems themselves.

I would hate to be in your position, it's a difficult one. I hope someone is able to help these people, they are very probably ignorant and struggling. Good Luck.

I think if parents put marks on their children and cause them serious harm in the US, the parents can be arrested for child abuse. In fact, several parents in my own state has been arrested for leaving their childran in hot cars. Law enforcement is really cracking down on parents who does this.

This situation with my neighbors is a very delicate situation. But the only way I would call child services on them if I ever see either one physically abusing their daughter. But, in the meantime, I will keep hoping that their daughter will be taken aways from them and let a family who understand autistic children take care of her. It's for sure these parents don't understand.

Problem is most people who hit their kids don't ever do it in front of others, and even though people know it is happening, they don't voice their suspicions, because they haven't seen it happening. This means a lot of abuse goes unreported and children suffer for a long time, when they could have been helped. I understand why you don't want to though, worryingly, I'm not sure I would either.

Are there any courses or similar for the parents to go on? I mean courses for bringing up a child with Autism / challenging behaviour.

i would probably keep a close eye on her and the family..cus you dont want to assume she is autistic it could just be her way of acting out too..My nephew is 5 and he can be very unruly sometimes and throwin temper tantrums if he doesn't wanna do something that hes supposed to do he will throw the biggest fit and hes so strong his parents try and hold him down to get him to stop his tantrum but he is all over the place. Even if its somethin like not wanting to get dressed for the day. And he is not autistic. I agree parents should'nt hit their kids unless its a spanking or somethin but you cant just do that to an autistic child becus they wont understand.

Not around here. They would have to go to Indianapolis. But, I don't see that happening since these people are all take and no give and wouldn't give a nickle to see an earthquake. I have never seen such selfish people and that is why they have a bunch of enemies around here. But, I'm not their enemy yet! And for the sake of their daughter being on the Autism Spectrum like I am, I hope it doesn't happen. I have told the mother that I'm there for her if her and her daughter if they ever need something, since I'm on the Autism Spectrum. Otherwise I would have absolutely nothing to do with these people.

I have talked to them a little about some of this s**t that they have been doing. But, unless they ask me anything else like they did before I'm not going to stick my nose in their affairs. He has done some pretty weird things outside which is just one of many things he has done that makes me think he may have Autism.

But, I think the whole family needs counseling under the circumstances. And I hope they get it.

You should recommend they check out the parenting forum on here. This could guide them to a lot of good information without risking your approach coming off as offensive.

I think the daughter was diagnosed after I brought this to their attention. At least this is one thing they did right. But, since they have issues too, especially the father, I think they need counseling. These people almost seem to be ashamed of their daughter. Their daughter is fixated on objects, wants to be by herself away from people, is not talking right now, have repetitive movements constantly lining objects up. So does this child sound like a spoiled little brat or a child with Autism?

Have your nephew been diagnosed for Autism or Bipolar? Bipolar children has the same issues of your nephew so don't just assume he is a spoiled little brat, especially at age 5.

Is she still without speech at 5? That is very late indeed!

A child that is simply spoiled would be talking -- they are usually very good at making their wishes known.

It sounds like they are declaring the child spoiled because having a spoiled child is less of a "crime" than having a child with classic autism.

I was speaking of hellokittyluvr's nephew since she said he was 5. However, I don't think their daughter is not that old. She can't be much older than 3 years old and they told me she was speaking and suddenly quit. They moved in their place on 8/2009 and she gave birth almost immediately after. I get that feeling too that they rather see her as a spoiled brat than a child with Autism because they can better deal with it. It is a real shame that some parents are ashamed of their autistic children. It seems like this is pretty common with parents too. Obviously hellokittyluvr thinks her nephew is a spoiled brat rather than maybe having Bipolar and needing some sort of guidance.

They have turned to you for advice once before and they may again. So that's good. If they turn to you again, tell them what they should do in a give in the situation. Chances are that what they should do is something they never would have even thought of themselves.

The most useless parenting advice I have got was lists of "don't"s. "Don't do this". "Don't do that". It's impossible to implement. A parent needs to be told things they should do in a particular situation. "Don't hit your kids" seems like obvious advice, easy to implement. But it's actually useless unless coupled with something concrete that the parent should do. Advice-givers often assume that the parent will default to the proper response if given a long enough list of things to not do. But it doesn't happen because people need plans of action or they default to the only things they already know.

Some schools offer parenting classes for parents of special needs kids. I took one and it was very helpful. Those may exist in the school the daughter goes to and it sounds like they desperately need it, but that's something they would have to find out from their school.

This is so baffling to me. As someone who has dealt with both classically autistic (with developmental delay) and NT kids who were both spoiled brats and not (and yes, a classically autistic child can definitely be a spoiled brat) I have to say that a non-spoiled autistic child is much easier to deal with than a seriously spoiled NT child. Hell, under ideal conditions, a classically autistic child can frequently be easier than a neurotypical child, if you know what you're doing. Of course, ideal conditions does mean having effectively limitless money and a constant stream of extremely good autism professionals in the child's life.

Their daughter isn't in school yet as she is only around 3 years old. Hopefully one of our schools have these parenting classes. But, our City is severely lacking when it comes to Autism and it is a dirty rotten shame. After I became aware of their daughter being Autistic, I checked myself to see if I can find a mental health professional who specializes in Autism by calling around. Even our mental health facility says they don't diagnose for Autism. I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. So that is why I told them they need to go to Indianapolis for help. I personally knew a little boy who had Autism and I have seen several signs around saying to "Beware: Autistic Child on block". And this stupid town I live in is plenty big enough to have an Autism specialist at least 1 time a week.