I just had a "revelation" if you will. Ive known for years that I cant just sit and do nothing. Even on days off Im up at the crack of dawn wanting to get busy. Ive always known the "what" but I finally figured out the "why".
I just went through a breakup, one of the most painful experiences one can go through. Painful enough to put me in a depressive state deeper than the one that had me hospitalized with SI at 13.
My greatest fear is going back to the way I was before I met her. I had a dead end job, no car, and had to take the city bus everywhere. I had no self confidence and my musical tastes well.... ill avoid that three letter word that starts with E. Somehow, I feel like if i keep moving physically, it will keep my life moving forward. The city i live in is pitiful at best. Ive dreamed of moving down to massachusetts. I just applied for a job with an interstate bus company for which I could drive hundreds of miles every day.
To put in perspective how stir-crazy i get; in my old job, i was salaried, i made a set dollar amount regardless of hours worked, i could work as much as i wanted to. from november 1st 2011 through july 6th 2012, i did not take a single day off from work, not even Christmas. When i started my vacation, i was sitting at home, bored and doing nothing. it was driving me up the wall. the next day i filled up the car and i drove for 14 hours straight, because I had nothing better to do.
I bought by car seven months ago, in that time I have driven over 15,000 miles, thats two and a half trips from maine to california and back. I feel like if i keep moving, i dont have time to be down on myself.
Also, I bet im the only person in the world who finds Boston rush hour traffic to be relaxing.
10 Aug 2012, 7:39 pm
