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ThomasL
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15 Aug 2012, 11:33 pm

Some really interesting replies here.

I've only had a few "friends" in my entire life, and I'm pretty sure they were not real friends. Friends don't reject/betray/abandon you, do they? If that's friendship, I want no part of it. That hurts WAY too much.

Most of my life I've had no one, or else one "close friend", but again, probably not what normal people would consider friends... maybe more like "frenemies"?

But I'm not at peace with the idea that I'll be all alone for the rest of my life... even though that's looking increasingly probable. I'm not happy about that at all.



nrau
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16 Aug 2012, 6:16 am

No, never.



DaBeef2112
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16 Aug 2012, 11:12 am

To be totally honest my desire for friends is the most puzzling part of my condition to me. I'm going through a divorce right now and the thing I fear most is loneliness. When I was young I often thought of killing myself because of it. Yet at the same time I need to spend a fair amount of time away from people. Also I don't keep in touch with my friends when i do have them and i often avoid them... I'm really not exactly sure what your supposed to do with friends i just know i wish i had some...


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redrobin62
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16 Aug 2012, 11:29 am

I was in a rock band for years. Technically, we were friends. I wanted to make it big with the band, though. I wanted to tour, make albums, hang out with the rock stars, etc. They said they were serious about making it, and I took their word for it. In the end, it was all lies. They were just paying lip service to me. We broke up and I no longer talk to none of them. For all I know they might be playing without me. That's okay. I could never buy into that annoying NT trait. You know, the one, where your only say you'll do things but it's just to hear the sound of your voice. I could never understand that.



GiantHockeyFan
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16 Aug 2012, 12:03 pm

ThomasL wrote:
I've only had a few "friends" in my entire life, and I'm pretty sure they were not real friends. Friends don't reject/betray/abandon you, do they? If that's friendship, I want no part of it. That hurts WAY too much.


My 'friends' certainly did. In addition to the one 'friend' in Junior High who turned on me when he was forced to take sides, I had one who jumped me from behind into a locker (I got a nasty concussion from it) when he saw his opportunity to remove his "nerd" label and two others only called when they had no other options. One was a pseudo-friend only to get close enough to stick his dagger in. I also had one who completely dumped me when he found a girlfriend and I'm pleased to say she "betrayed" (dumped) him! Looks good on you!

It seems people are only friends with me until I run into trouble. Even though I would take a bullet for someone they can't run fast enough when the tables are turned. Oh well, F em! What REALLY tees me off is that everyone assumes it's always YOUR fault you have no close friends and avoid you like you are some sort of weirdo. Granted, I am a little on the inflexible side but I always treated by friends with nothing but the utmost loyalty and respect. I glad to know there are other people like me in the world!



OliveOilMom
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16 Aug 2012, 12:21 pm

I have two but they aren't people that most others would want to be friends with. One is a meth head and a slut and the other is a retired psychologist with a brain injury who was actually sort of crazy anyway back in the day - I went to school with her.

So, I don't have any friends that I would want to show off or anything.


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ProfessorX
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16 Aug 2012, 2:34 pm

From an honest standpoint I have no friends in the offline world though, this does not mean I have not made any attempt(s). I have but they have been met with dismal results.. Deep down inside I tend to keep to myself so as not to burden,bore,annoy other people with my quirks. Some might see this as being anti-social but rather I call it distance.
I'll admit I have felt lonely from time to time but, I simply wish not to align myself with people whom don't have a very good undertanding as me in terms of being a person wherein, such person(s) would not run off at the first signs of trouble.. I'm not really sure what else to add... :(



Last edited by ProfessorX on 16 Aug 2012, 3:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

GreyGirl
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16 Aug 2012, 3:13 pm

One friend, my husband. He took the aspie quiz and got TN with aspie traits. I think that helps. I'm his only friend too.
Other than that I have one acquaintance I've managed a kind of friendship-like sort of thing with for a few years now. She has a horse and talks horse stuff with me. Horses are my major special interest so I think that's why I've managed that for so long.

Other than that, this is the "life-cycle" of my friendships;

I meet a group of people. I'm too shy and introverted to say anything. This intrigues at least one in the group. This person tries to get me to join said group. I eventually trust that person enough to start to talk. I talk too much and the group discovers I'm not like the rest. Something I say is misunderstood of used against me because of my aspie honesty. The whole group turns on me. I am again crushed and lonely. Because of being trusting, I wind up giving humanity a second (3rd, 4th...) chance. I return to the first lie in this paragraph. :roll:

Seriously. I know better but for some reason I keep getting smushed like a bug. I wish I could keep myself from talking to other people forever. Why do they insist on "getting to know you" if they're only waiting to smush you?


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xerofyre
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16 Aug 2012, 5:00 pm

The only friends I had when I went to school were people who also had disabilities. Since I left school around 7 years ago, I haven't made any friends, nor have I been in contact with any friends I had made prior.



lambey
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16 Aug 2012, 5:30 pm

i had a small group of friends whom i fell out with (they went behind my back to do something they said they wouldn't and i kinda exploded with anger)

of them i had one close friend (who was also the girl i really really liked and became kinda obsessed with) who i wish i could still speak to, but she refuses to

ATM i have about 4-5 friends. Some of them i fall out with every now and then (i don't understand their sense of humor all the time), but i always make up with them.
i also have 6-7 "acquaintance's" i see regularly, purely because i hate spending every day by myself in the summer.



Mike_Garrick
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16 Aug 2012, 7:49 pm

I had a few people I thought were friends through out school that also stabbed me in the back the second they saw a chance to become more popular.
So I stopped trying to make friends even though I want them.

At the moment I don't have any acquaintances online or offline.
It sucks, but I just don't trust anyone.
On top of that, aspergers and not doing much of anything I just get labeled a looser that no one wants to talk to.

I still try every now and then.. it never goes anywhere.
But why would it.

Seem backstabbing "friends" is a common occurrence for us.



LtlPinkCoupe
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16 Aug 2012, 9:34 pm

I pretty much don't have any, except for maybe my aunt and my therapist...not sure if a therapist counts as a "friend," tho.

Seems like every time I make "real" friends, they take advantage of my friendly and generous personality, talk me into things I don't want to do, or just disappear from my life after a while.

I know that with some of the toxic friendships I've had, I should have had the sense to end them...but, even when I was a kid, I felt the need to impress people with how "normal" I was, and that I could keep friends...but having friends meant giving up part of my soul, my dignity, my individuality, and having my boundaries repeatedly violated. Still, I felt I had to do it. And I got labeled as being "different," anyway, so in the end it was all for naught.

My advice? Stick to plushies, internet friends, and anthro Cars.


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OliveOilMom
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17 Aug 2012, 5:21 am

If ya'll want one, you can really have this one. She's asleep on the couch after drinking all my beer. For real. Send me a plane ticket, she's your new bestie for life.


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My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


peterd
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17 Aug 2012, 5:36 am

For years and years and years I was content that there was just god and me. Eventually god disappeared, eliminated by an unlucky swipe of occams razor, and there was just me. That was at the pinnacle of a decade of personal development searching and a master of business adminstration. Plus a year or two of ongoing research, on top of an underlying three decades of metaphysical research. God lost out, big time to an amalgam of complexity, neuroscience and game theory. So there wasn't much left but the autism diagnosis. Since then - a few years now - there's been nothing but my impossibly long suffering partner and - well, nothing. I've played board member to my local autism support organisation for a couple of years, but that hasn't even led to a conversation yet. I work, interminably, but that leads to nothing more than greater piles of ugly repetitive work to be accomplished. They've got my number. All the autistics in their organisation except me are ignorant.



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17 Aug 2012, 5:47 am

There's my mother.

Don't know why she wouldn't count.