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fanty
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17 Aug 2012, 5:42 am

I'll soon be 22. I've never had a job, but I think it's really about time I found one. I don't have much in the way of education (never went to high school), so it'll have to be some kind of a menial job and I'm fine with that. As long as it's something solitary, I'll be happy with it, even if it's sitting around and peeling potatoes for 12 hours a day.

The problem is, I find everything about looking for a job to be scary. Calling a stranger! On the phone!! Then going to some strange place!! ! Entering some strange building!! !! Having the sorts of interactions which I've never had before and which there is no way to rehearse!! !! ! It's all so extremely scary that I can't even muster up enough courage to look at job ads, just thinking about actually doing that makes my mind go blurry, my eyes glaze over and I can't think straight.

Of course, this way, I'll never get a job, but I have absolutely no idea how to get over all this fear and anxiety. Any advice?



thewhitrbbit
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17 Aug 2012, 10:29 am

Without a high school diploma or a GED, your going to have trouble finding even the most menial of jobs.

I would suggest getting your GED first.



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17 Aug 2012, 10:37 am

I second that. I worked with a few adults who just got a GED and its NEVER too late to get it. As well, you will meet people in similar situations and who are willing to help. I was willing to bend over backwards to help someone get their GED because I knew they had a desire to improve rather than sit around doing nothing to help themselves.

Start with that and I promise you the process will be much easier. While I have no personal experience, I know several who took that route and all were successful. You'll be amazed at how quickly one thing will lead to another.



fanty
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17 Aug 2012, 11:01 am

Oh, I live in Europe, there's no "GED" here. I'd have to go back to school, and that isn't really an option anymore. My parents tried to stuff me into an online school soon after I dropped out from the real-world one, and I completely fizzled out and dropped out again after just a few weeks. I love learning, but I can't do "school-learning" anymore.

But anyway, the way I see it, since illegal immigrants manage to find jobs, surely, I should be able to find one (and I'm not picky). If only I could get over all that anxiety...



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17 Aug 2012, 1:28 pm

Ultimately, you have to take a page from Nike and "Just do It". It may not be the most comfortable thing in the world, but it's not going to kill you. The absolute worst thing that can happen is they don't give you a job, and you'll never see them again.


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fanty
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18 Aug 2012, 7:37 am

"Just doing it" does tend to be the way I usually deal with this stuff. I jump off the precipice and then just hope that I'll figure out how to fly before I smash into the ground, but I'm starting to think that this isn't necessarily the best way of doing this sort of stuff. It's stressful, confusing, and has a very high failure rate. When my mind blanks out, I tend to take the path of least resistance, which usually involves going for the first exit-route from the whole situation that happens to present itself, which often means coming away from the whole interaction not having achieved the thing I wanted to achieve in the first place (Or even worse: having done something that had nothing to do with the thing I wanted to do). I know I should come up with some kind of coping strategies, but I don't know how to go about doing that.



kirayng
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20 Aug 2012, 4:09 pm

Are you on government benefits of some sort? If someone is paying your living expenses, you might try volunteering somewhere at first to get a feel for how much you can handle working. If it was the US, I'd recommend autism groups, but am not sure of what is available in your area. I lived in Belgium for a couple of years but didn't have the opportunity to work with the public only had a government job where my Dad worked. Also if you could have someone call up for you so you didn't have to that would be good.



LookTwice
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21 Aug 2012, 6:19 am

sliqua-jcooter wrote:
Ultimately, you have to take a page from Nike and "Just do It". It may not be the most comfortable thing in the world, but it's not going to kill you. The absolute worst thing that can happen is they don't give you a job, and you'll never see them again.


One-size-fits-all solutions don't exist. I know many NTs don't understand this but I would've thought people on here put a little more thought into their advice.
You lack imagination (or are lying, but I don't want to make that implication) and your advice is unhelpful at best and possibly harmful; I'm not pretending to know the worst thing that could happen, but I can tell you what happened to me once using your "just do it" approach.

It shredded every last ounce of self esteem I had, exacerbated my anxiety issues to the degree that I'd start being so nervous during interviews I'd start visibily shaking, having a shaky voice, being unable to think clearly and as a result making a rather unemployable impression. It could've easily killed me by way of suicide had I not found another way to make money.

The OP may need psychological help to overcome these anxieties, depending on the severity, and a way to practice interview situations in a less threatening environment before going to real interviews. It may also help to get some anti-anxiety medication to calm you down in those situations (although it didn't do much for me), however it can cause drowsiness and thus also impair your ability to think. (typical options would be alprazolam / xanax or lorazepam; something which is not sleep-inducing and has a short half-life)

Bottom line is, you need to observe what is happening - if the anxiety is too much and doesn't improve by "just doing it", forcing yourself to push through will make things worse; in that case, you need to think about other options.


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infilove
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21 Aug 2012, 2:52 pm

I've been there too.

here are some things that I find very helpful when finding a job.

Have you heard of Goodwill industries? If there is a Goodwill industries where you live, they can help you. They help people with dissibilites even up to sever handicaps find work. They have a job link center and you can talk to an advisor that helps you with finding a job. They often recruit people with dissabilites and higher them at specific jobs where they can trane you. For example right now I work at a grocery store everynight where I can stock shelves. I work with a lot of other people with dissabilites that got hired and most of them haven't even worked before. We are all being traned how to stock shelves through a four week program and then we recieve a certificate and we can continue to work at the grocery store or find another job with the help of goodwill. Currently I am payed pretty good and have good benefits. It's a really amazing program.

I would also try getting involved in your state's rehibilitative service, most states have them and they also help people with dissabilites find jobs and accomodate.

You may also want to try to file for dissability and see if you can get any benefits such as food stamps and SSI. I tried that but unfortunatly failed getting SSI because I sounded to "smart" on my IQ testing so when you get tested don't sound too smart but don't make it look obvous your trying to look dumb either because to this day I regret that.

Also try practicing on some interviewing skills. Learn how to write a good resume. You don't have to have work experience to write a good resume and look good for work. Try volunteering while trying to find a job. Volunteering has many benfits. Volunteering jobssimulates an actual job but with less stress, helps give you experience of what it's like to actually work, you can add that experience to your resume, will make you look good and active to an potential emplyer, and it will help you meet people that will help you find work, and sometimes volunteering position will actually turn in the paid positions.

Talk to many people as possible about trying to find work, trust me you will be surprized at how often they will let you know of something.

I hope this helps and I wish you good luck!


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24 Aug 2012, 4:19 am

LookTwice wrote:
sliqua-jcooter wrote:
Ultimately, you have to take a page from Nike and "Just do It". It may not be the most comfortable thing in the world, but it's not going to kill you. The absolute worst thing that can happen is they don't give you a job, and you'll never see them again.


One-size-fits-all solutions don't exist. I know many NTs don't understand this but I would've thought people on here put a little more thought into their advice.
You lack imagination (or are lying, but I don't want to make that implication) and your advice is unhelpful at best and possibly harmful; I'm not pretending to know the worst thing that could happen, but I can tell you what happened to me once using your "just do it" approach.

It shredded every last ounce of self esteem I had, exacerbated my anxiety issues to the degree that I'd start being so nervous during interviews I'd start visibily shaking, having a shaky voice, being unable to think clearly and as a result making a rather unemployable impression. It could've easily killed me by way of suicide had I not found another way to make money.

The OP may need psychological help to overcome these anxieties, depending on the severity, and a way to practice interview situations in a less threatening environment before going to real interviews. It may also help to get some anti-anxiety medication to calm you down in those situations (although it didn't do much for me), however it can cause drowsiness and thus also impair your ability to think. (typical options would be alprazolam / xanax or lorazepam; something which is not sleep-inducing and has a short half-life)

Bottom line is, you need to observe what is happening - if the anxiety is too much and doesn't improve by "just doing it", forcing yourself to push through will make things worse; in that case, you need to think about other options.

I get what you're saying, but you have to remember that this is not a site of medical or life-coach professionals, and it's a given that any advice is just that, advice. No one is forcing anyone to take that advice.

A 'just do it' attitude may not have been what was best for you, but for me it was a lifesaver. For years I would absolutely not talk on the phone, or to anyone outside of my immediate family. How did I get over this? My mother kept ringing telephone competition lines and shoving the phone to my face at the last moment, instructing me to recite my name, address and telephone number. I hated it, and even threw up afterwards several times. But in the end it worked.

The OP has already stated they've decided this option isn't the best for them. So cool. Sometimes it's not the best for me either. But sometimes all I need is for someone to say to me, 'You know what? This could go very badly. But what the heck, just do it anyway!" And before I know it, I'm doing things I never thought possible.

So like you say, one-size-fits-all solutions don't work for everyone, but that includes your ideas also. For some, 'just doing it' works just fine.


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thewhitrbbit
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24 Aug 2012, 9:24 am

99% of the time order and method should be your guides. 1% of the time, damn the guns full speed ahead.

If Europe is anything like America, you won't be able to ride the illegal immigrant train. My friend is fighting with Maryland to get instate tuition, while any illegal can come here and get it almost no questions asked.