Anyone else here who is extremely non-social?

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I'm a sort of chameleon. I take my daughter to school, talk all the way there, with my friend and the kids, and all the way back. We might meet up with some others too and I'll talk, talk, talk (preferably with those who can talk just as much, otherwise I can bore even myself). Then I come home and phone my parents. After that, I don't speak to another soul until 2.40pm, when I go round to my friend's house for the walk to school. On Thursdays and Fridays, my friend works, but I always 'trap' someone else, either on the way there or in the playground. When my daughter is at after school classes, I talk with other mums, a few of whom I consider to be actual friends now. I don't think I'm desperate to talk to someone, because I'm quite happy here not talking at all, all day long.

I only talk away from home. At home I may talk online, but not normally IRL. Home time is usually computing time, where I have talked online for only less than 5 years.

I go out to talk to others, or even be around others. Even if I go to Macdonalds, I will often engage an interesting person in conversation. 9 times out of 10 they are dodgy or someone I usually never see again....

I was chatting with the street sweeper this week, and many many people down at the duck pond. Some days I have been walking 10km, amongst all the animals and families, and girls with dogs or jogging in shorts

I get to chat without commitment, retain an stoic figure, whereas I think you also remain more aloof and protected. I think I do make myself more vulnerable, good and bad.

NZ where I live is quite Polynesian, and much of my style is borrowed from Pacific Island cultures. Smiling and being friendly in public.

Its the first days of spring and I walk today in shorts and a tee shirt, even though it was a colder and windier day compared to last week.

But I'm an ADHD chatterbox too

I even talk to many many animals, and they talk with me!

I used to be like that when I was younger.

Can't exactly say I'm social now, but I do like to go out with colleagues (cause I still don't really have "friends") once in a while.

It just tires me out to "chit-chat" ,it seems so repetitious and boring.I was raised to always be polite and I try my best but I really just like being alone.I've got books,music,art,and that old devil the t.v.,animals a HUGE garden of flowers and veggies so I'm pretty busy with those.
There's a few people I can be around but not for very long,I start getting edgy and hoping they will leave SOON.I haven't visited anyone at their house in ages.I try to save my energy for doctor visits and errands.There is an awesome Tibetan Buddhist retreat center in driving distance and i used to go for teachings with Rinpoche and I did enjoy that but they do lots of activities and social events and it was really great to be included in all this but they want to hug a lot and then people wanted to start coming by my house and I guess the closeness freaked me out ,I did ride with them to see the Dalai Lama AWESOME!! !!and Rinpoche even came to my house to visit which was really cool but a little intimidating.It's not often a Tulku (the rebirth of a previous lama) comes to visit.But he's really nice and funny,I feel like I should be there but it's hard to be around a big group of people. I did do Shedra which is a two week or more teaching and received empowerments and I really did have a wonderful time.that's been a few years ago. That is about the extant of my social life.I did like the fact that you can wear a sign that says " observing silence" and people respect that.I did take one of the Sangha to the store but she's been in retreat for two years now,one more to go and she was very easy to be around,I do miss her.

Last edited by Misslizard on 06 Sep 2012, 9:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I somewhat like to discuss things that interest me, but otherwise I don't have a desire for socialization. I have no friends and am not looking for any. I don't feel loneliness.

At times I ike to be social or social for me at least. Social for me includes meeting up with one or two friends for dinner and a movie. In the past and even now I often prefer talking on the phone more and will spend an hour on the phone if I enjoy talking with a friend. I do believe that I do enjoy time alone more than the average person. It could be related to being an introvert. Introverts like to spend time alone more than extroverts doing things such as gardening, reading, painting, etc.

I'm asocial - I've done it both ways.

I'll analyze anything with you; but when "buddies" or bonding enters into this, then there seems to be a stop. I seem to be very one sided here with this, as my chronic-critical thinking is really unattractive to most. The eventuality is a distance between us - a two-way separation. I don't need the mirror to exist or for confirmation. But, I will say I like or need attention/admiration/ love or plain acknowledgment.



At a typical level, the larger the brain the less the need for this. An intellectual will find the resolution.

I guess I'm way more social online than I am offline, mostly because I can't see the people I'm talking to, and I am not usually intimidated when all I see are avatars and text. Of course, when I do say something, it's usually only when I have something to say about something, of course when I've got nothing to say, I'm always silent. Even in chats I have with online friends. If I don't know of anything useful or important to say, all I say is "Hello." and then nothing else for a long time after.

I barely socialize at all IRL if I can help it....pretty much the only friends I have are all online. And I'm okay with that, since I have the companionship of my plushies and die cast Cars as well.

I push myself to be somewhat social but try to limit the number of occasions for that.

For example, I fix almost all my lunches at the office. We have a decent kitchen and I use of it far more often than anyone else here.

When I don't feel like cooking something or am in a hurry, I'll usually go over to the hamburger joint down the street for a hamburger and fries. While I am there, I will talk to just about anyone who I run into that I might know (often I'm not actually sure that I know them). But I order my food to go (takeaway for the Brits here) and as soon as my food is finished, I'm out of there under the excuse that I need to take it back to the office where I have some Cholula Hot Sauce to sprinkle on it. The reality is, that by the time it's finished, I'm socialized out and would prefer to eat alone.

Most of my socializing involves swapping jokes. I have a repertoire of jokes that I can pick a joke or two from to tell. Without those jokes, I'd be standing there wanting to say something but would have nothing to say, or at least nothing that whoever is there would be interested in hearing.

It's a little more acceptable to most people for me to tell them a joke than to try to tell them about the latest Isle of Man TT (motorcyle races which I didn't have the time to go see) or some enticing mathematical or scientific tidbit.

Sometimes I get the feeling that people don't want to hear my jokes.

Last edited by eric76 on 07 Sep 2012, 3:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

^^This.

Also, I'm married and have parents that are engaged with my life, more than enough social for me! Actually an old friend wanted to 'hang out' again (he's gotten married and has a three month old son) and I'm really at a loss as to how to avoid it and not hurt his feelings (I told him I have autism but he took it like, whatever... I've always been strange and I don't think he knows what it means).

You must be quite old, going by your avatar.... and wise too, maybe saying things is for jabbering monkeys?

My goose friend and I have been very vocal lately.

........................After raucous bellowy sounds in front of the whole group, a period of formal then informal greeting, I move to placating soft tones, [recently learnt] tender murmurs, teeth knocking, but the tender whimper is a real heart string puller.... Eventually we stop talking, but still maintain an inconsistent verbal acknowledgement the whole time................
We must be quite a sight down the duck pond, both to the walking human families and especially all the other water fowl.

At one point [today]I had:
-ten first day out of the nest mallard ducklings, around my feet and on my shoes [their mother was okay with it!! !!]
-about 8 geese
-about 6 black swans
-about 10 mallards
-about 6 pukecoes[native swamp hen]
-a few sparrows
-a few pigeons
-a few gulls

all surrounding me in close quarters.....as I crouched on the ground next to goose. After a period of close inspection by the collection of urban wetland misfits........A goose/swan fight broke out, and me and my goose mate[hes some sort of magic goose!!] settled the group...... by attacking the biggest swans and other geese, we attacked back TOGETHER like a team!!

It was beautiful, like I had a real family
the magic goose introduced me to the community
the community came over and sat at my feet.

I had done the hard yards with that goose prior, spending 3-4 hours over 5 days, crouching, relating, testing, squawking, sleeping on the grass together, building trust

Humans are kinda the same I think, but a bit less interesting for me sometimes, due to trust issues.

Geese are exceedingly loyal, like elephants and dogs

PS Just found out via the net the goose is a female, I thought it was a he.....oops.... shes like an amazon woman goose I think, much bigger more vocal and dominant than the other females, and the male shadowing her[us], must feel weird about his girls fancy for human fan boyz the mystery deepens

I really like this.

I relate to not ever feeling lonely, but there are a few people irl who I enjoy the presence of and who I sometimes seek company with and like to talk to. It can go 6 months, maybe a year between our meetings. I feel very connected to them.
I also dont chit-chat randomly, but I dont know if its isolation as it actually scares me. My specific fear is that people flock together to finish me off ^^ A typical sign of paranoia I guess.
Maybe Im non-social to a lighter degree than you.

I have a human need for a certain amount of social interaction but it's only with a very select few people. I wouldn't care if the majority of people vanished overnight as they and society in general make me feel extremely misanthropic.

You know the Myers & Briggs personality scale of Extroversion and Introversion? Most NT’s fall in the middle, where as most people on the autism spectrum probably fall much closer to the introversion side; some are extreme introverts like you (and me) who don’t ‘require’ social interaction to be happy. Some autistics have been taught we must seek out human interaction to be happy – this is a learned behavior in my belief.

The ‘little to no eye contact’ thing many of us share (it can be practiced away, but the feeling of not wanting to look at people’s faces is still there) – this, at least for me, is because my dominant ‘eyes’ in conversation are my ears. I prefer to listen rather than look when people talk to me. I have a hard time hearing everything people tell me if I’m forced to stare at them. It must be due to the extra-stimulus my eyes inflict on my brain over all my other senses.

Like you, I don’t seek out interaction, and prefer to be self-reliant. However, if I have a pressing issue I can’t seem to close on my own, I look to others (usually online) for help. The problems I always run into are:
(1) new people rarely get answered in forums (and I am always new because I don’t seek out conversation till I have a question I can’t answer on my own)
(2) new people need to contribute to the forum in order to quiet the “I’m not a bot, hacker, phisher, or anything nefarious” suspicions.
(3) new people don’t always know the ‘lay of the land’ in new forums, so we must read all the various rules and figure out where the appropriate page to post the question (then reread them after a few months of not visiting just to refresh)
(4) once the new person posts a few things, we wonder how much time needs to go by and how many posts do I need to contribute before I will get the answers I seek?

Even if we just wanted to talk about one subject, we feel forced to post other things so we don’t look selfish. I don’t consider myself selfish – just a bit on the efficient side when it comes to being social. I’d prefer to get in and get out – just like at the grocery store. I have a list of items I want, I get them, pay, and leave. I wish it were like that in forums.