Aspie tutored by an aspie having to teach NT's Social Skills

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Teredia
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27 Aug 2012, 9:27 pm

I am not sure if this is a recipe for disaster or what not, but one of my best friends, a male aspie, the very one who pointed out that I have definitely got Aspergers, has for the past yr been teaching me social skills. Its gotten to the point where i am now in his words "learning on my own" whats socially acceptable n whats not. Though i am finding that I am finding myself more n more having to teach my NT friends whats socially acceptable.

like theyre pretty damn social my friends are, though im always having to remind them of manners and social rules, cause if i dont everything ive learnt to be socially acceptable just gets trodden on by unsociable behaviour.

Does anyone ever have something similar happen. I mean you prolly dont get social skills taught to you by another aspie but if you have NT friends do you find yourself teaching them socially correct behaviour?



again_with_this
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27 Aug 2012, 11:08 pm

Well, it would seem their are two components to social behavior: that which is learned, and that which comes natural.

That which is learned would be things like manners, social graces, common courtesy, etc. These seem to be lacking in many people, NT or not. But regardless, those are taught, and learned, and spelled out, and not really a mystery to comprehend.

The second, that which comes natural, seems to be the unwritten rulebook by which NTs interact. They don't think about it, it just happens. They can't teach us about it, because it can't be taught. They're actually surprised we don't "get it" because it should be instinctive in their opinion. That which comes natural isn't so much in protocol, but rather in body posture, timing in conversations, the "flow" of conversations, correctly interpreting and responding to non-verbal cues, as well as giving off the same non-verbals, etc.

You're friend can teach you the protocol, and you can teach the protocol to the NTs (courtesy, etc.) But I don't think you or your friend will ever truly grasp that which comes natural to NTs. And the NTs can't really teach it to you.