How often do you speak to/hang out with friends?

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I've realised over the past few years I've become pretty reclusive (not that I've ever been a great socialiser). I'm fine if people suggest meeting at a certain time to hang out but really struggle to take the initiative and do the asking. That sort of worked when I was at uni and it was easier to meet people and everyone lived close by, but doesn't really work well now.

I have one friend I've known since high school who's really good at coming to visit and will call once every few weeks and we go out for a meal, but I don't really call or text her in the meantime. I'm concerned about coming across as being needy, so end up just not contacting people, but I guess most people do appreciate the odd text or call just to see how they're getting on etc. Also I always feel acutely aware that I don't know that many people who I can talk to easily, so if I do meet a person who I wouldn't mind spending time with I worry they'll realise I don't have much of a social life and think I'm not worth knowing or think I'm boring for leaving big gaps in conversations where I freeze up and don't know what to say. I don't know where all this anxiety comes from, I don't get angry with people and have never had an argument and lost a friend that way (more the usual people moving on and losing touch).

I guess I'm just curious as to how other people maintain friendships. Do you text or call someone every week or two just for a chat? How often do you meet up with say a best friend?

I've never been particularly great at maintaining friendships, but communication in the good friendships that I've had was not every day. It was on an as-needed basis, i.e. I would call if I had something to say. Knowing that the person would be there for me made it easier to say what was on my mind. I'll text friends here and there to let them know I'm still around, but the friends that I nagged to death phased themselves out of my life.

Whenever I see them at the mosque and they're not busy.

To Fiona_G

Mine is actually just like you. I have always been a recluse and am so even now. I currently in a Uni so i meet people in class and since i live in halls, i meet people there. I dont really hang out with people i.e. meet just to talk. In the whole year i've done it 3 times. Even the 3 times it has been the opposite person who asked me. I do go with my flatmates sometimes when both of us want to but things, but nothing more.

Fiona_G wrote:

I used to feel anxious when i literally threw myself into socializing. In the end i could not sustain it and i was a wreak. So i moved out of that place and paced myself so that i was doing things that i was comfortable with and nothing more. it has taken me a year to break that pattern that i got into. Like you my relationships in the past were never ugly, i just could not relate to them. They seemed too different and most people just forgot me easily. So it was not like i was making any grave mistakes once i passed my teens. The anxiety was just because i was trying too hard to do something that i dont do naturally and because of the critique i got in my teens. Also, like you, i am realising now that i know that i dont have friends or anything but no one else actually knows or cares about it. If i keep that in my mind, it helps me be less anxious. If that makes sense. For them it is just that hour of meeting and then they forget. It is hardly something they think about after they have left the venue of the meeting (something my brother and sister in law told me). Me on the other had would keep on thinking. So i had to tell myself it was not important. It is done and it is gone.

Fiona_G wrote:



I email people who were my ex classmates/colleagues around once a month. I dont have a best friend or a close friend. My relationships are best defined as acquaintances. I have 1 person who is a friend and she the only person i email once a week or once in a fortnight. I dont offer to meet up people, i respond if someone wants to.

I think calling once a week, at a time you kow the person is going to be available to talk (like at night if the person is out of the house working during the day), would be a good place to start.

It depends on the friend. Some friends I don't speak to for months but when we get in touch, we seem to pick up where we left off...my best friend and I are exactly like that. I have friends who I don't see often due to them being introverts and them being in different cities, but we text or message each other at least once a week to chit-chat and will see each other every few months. I have other friends who live in an area I travel to often, so I'll see them perhaps once a month, since they have work and other commitments. I see my boyfriend at least for a weekend every two weeks as we are in a semi-long distance relationship.

I am an introvert and very shy in regards to my interactions, so I have a lot of trouble initiating things with people. Doing so is draining, nerve-wracking and requires effort. It's almost like I have to force myself to do it.

I warned a friend that just moved to Ottawa from my hometown that he will not see much of me, and that not even our good friend whom I lived across the street from growing up sees me that often. He says he has a bday party planned in two weeks, but I already have plans and it looks as if I will be in two places at once on this day.

It depends on the friend. One friend of mine calls me multiple times a day, but he is going through a difficult time right now and I guess he just needs someone to talk to. We used to see each other almost daily but he just moved away, so now I will be much more alone. This takes me from too much contact to none at all, and has pushed me into a profound depression. Another friend of mine lives far away as well, and we talk on the phone 2-3x a week for an hour or two. I also see my parents once a week on my day off. Some weeks it's more though as we are family and help each other out in times of need.

I do try to reach out to other people and try to form friendships, but this rarely ever works out. It seems that almost no one wants my company and all I end up with is hurt, rejection and loneliness.