Confused about our friendship/relationship

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I’ve had a crush on this guy for a long time but have only recently started hanging out with him one on one. He’s very quite and kind of awkward but is so talented and funny when he opens up. Someone told me that he has AS but I never confirmed it with him.

About a year ago, I sent him an email telling him that I liked him and would like to go out or hang out at some point. I didn’t get a reply, but the next time I saw him he approached me and apologized. We were just polite to eachother after that; 2 minutes conversations here and there. But the past few months we’ve had actual conversations. When his roommates had a party we ended up going to his room alone and talked for an hour. Last week I called him and asked if he wanted to go to a party together and, to my surprise, he said yes. We drove together, sat next to eachother at the party (until he had enough socializing for one day) and we drove back together. I don’t know if this was a big deal for him, but I thought our friendship had taken a huge step forward.

Because going to the party went so well I thought of asking him to another event by text. He texted me back saying he would be busy that night. I replied with “that’s ok. Do you want to get together another time?” and I haven’t gotten a reply since. I don’t know what to think. My friend says I should stop asking him out but I feel like if he DOES have AS, I might need to be more patient and/or assertive. But if he doesn’t, then he could just be a quite guy who doesn’t like me.

I’m very confused and need some advice on how to handle this.

Things like "Enough socializing for one night" scream AS.

I don't like giving advice on relationships because of the potential to cock things up. But i don't think being assertive would help if he has AS, if by assertive you mean "you should listen to me". AS guys arent looking for another person to treat them like a child. Personally that would send me running.

Bringing them self to go to parties can be a real big deal for people with AS, so if he went he must have really wanted to go with you. Maybe the next time round he just didn't think he could deal with it for whatever reason and when you ask "do you want to go another time" he may not know what to reply with if he doesn't want to tell you he doesn't want to go but at the same time wants to go because of you. He had already tried to not let you down by saying hes busy the first time. Maybe ask for more one to one things to do, after all, if he really does have AS it doesn't make sense to ask him to do the things his AS makes really hard for him and then judge him by that. It's kinda like asking someone in a wheelchair to stand up and if they don't, then take that as an indicator they aren't interested in you.

A little slack, some understanding and an open 1 on 1 chat away from everyone else.

Do you know what his hobbies are? Do you have similar tastes to him?
I would engage him that way and not by inviting him to parties, nights out etc. Some Aspies can get hooked on socializing for a while but many are generally not socialites and can only do that for so long.

Another couple of points:
-What kind of things do you talk about and does he talk to you like a friend or like a lover?
-Is there the chance he could be physically attracted to you?

^ Excellent points, JMan.

As an Aspie, one can get drained pretty quickly of socializing (i.e. parties, going out, being in a group, etc.), so that should be kept in mind. In my own case, after socializing - even if it is enjoyable - I can be pretty wiped out, and just want to be relaxing at home (or in a familiar space like this).

What about just hanging out with him? He might really enjoy that. Anything that's just the two of you would work best for him, as many of us Aspies are uncomfortable/don't like groups.

JanuaryMan brings up some great points. Find out a bit more about him, and then go from there.

Feel free to send me a message if you need any advice on this!

Thanks everyone for answering. I'll have to think of ways to have more one on one time with him. I just wish that I knew if he wanted to be my friend, boyfriend or if he thinks I'm annoying. If he likes me in any way, I'll keep trying. But if he thinks I'm an annoying pest then I'll stop and move on. I keep thinking there is something special about him and I don't want to give up.

Oh, and by assertive, I mean always asking him out even though the guy typically does the asking.

As the Smiths said "these things take time" (sorry if that reference doesn't fit the discussion). He might not even know what he thinks of you ... yet. Even if he does, as a fellow Aspie, he might not show it. As friendship is concerned, it might take a while for him to open up to you as this. (I'm lacking from experience in love, thus not being able to speak from experience on that.) It's your life, and you may do as you want - plus, remember how different the advice on love can be in effectiveness - but, in my opinion, it will take some time before he opens up.