AspieRogue wrote:
Roman wrote:
ArrantPariah wrote:
Shall we examine, for a moment, the flip side of the coin?
Imagine a woman who is morbidly obese, suffers from rotting teeth and halitosis, has a moustache growing on her upper lip, and who perspires like a hog.
Are you going to offer to give her a Good Stiff Poke as a reward for being nice, or because she says that she shares your cherished political beliefs?
A few men might, out of principle, pity, or a commitment to fairness.
Most men, however, are going to fix their sites on the woman who causes them to experience a spontaneous penile erection as she walks out of the room.
I have been with Jennifer out of pity. To be honest, originally I chose to be with her because she was graduate student which is prestigious. However, after half a year of being with her it became clear that her other qualities (such as her excessive bleeding due to polycistic ovaries which made it difficult for her to walk, and also screwed up her academic career as well, her depression, as well as her weight) made her low quality on a grand scheme of things. Nevertheless. I didn't want to "betray" her seeing how hurt she is, so I was with her regardless. Even if some really attractive woman were to come along I would still stay with her in order not to "betray" her. But I guess the fact that I wasn't actually attracted to her came through in the "small things" I did wrong here and there which made her break up with me herself once 2 years were over. If this didn't happen I would never break up with her myself, although I would feel "trapped".
First of all, polycystic ovarian syndrome is treatable and I sincerely hope that Jennifer gets the medical help she needs(if she hasn't already).
That being said, I'm not surprised that she broke up with you eventually. You were lying to her as well as lying to yourself about your true sexual feelings. You weren't attracted to her sexually, and I suspect that she picked up on it and found it very off putting(as I would too). Being with someone you don't find attractive and/or giving them a
mercy f*ck only shows that you are
desperate. Do you have ANY idea how repulsive desperation is to people? Especially women?? Well now I certainly hope so. A guy who's desperate will settle for anyone and by hooking up with such a guy, it makes her feel unattractive. In her mind, she must be so ugly that the only guys who want to be with her(and shag her) are guys who are unable to get with anybody else. Funny thing is, even ugly women who you'd think would never get laid always seem to manage to find somebody wanting to shag them.
It doesn't seem that Jennifer realized that my taking her out of desperation was the source of the problem. I mean, she spent enormous amount of time trying to "train" me (including taking me to the dance class, teaching me how to drive, and so forth) while I was bitter she was "disracting me from my physics". Towards the end of the relationship we actually had a big fight when I kept telling her that career is number 1 and she kept telling me that family is number 1. The other kind of problem we have with Jennifer (probably even more serious in her mind) is when my parents didn't approve of her they tried to make plans that would conflict with plans I have with Jennifer, and I wouldn't stand up to my parents.
Despite the fact that she was open about everything, she never confronted me about the fact that I took her out of desperation, so probably she never realized that part
Then there was another girl, Jax, whom I had long distance relationship with after Jennifer broke up with me, and it was same story. Yes there were some things about Jax I liked (in particular her faith) but then there were a bunch of other things that were turn offs. So, overall, I was with her out of desperation, and THAT was probably why I wasn't putting my best into relationship. Yet, Jax didn't realize it either. She assumed it was because of my "autism" that I can't possibly do any better (and annoyingly enough she kept calling it "autism" even though my actual diagnosis is Asperger which is milder than autism). Now, usually when I tell about my diagnosis it is either in my favor (some of the things I do are forgiven) or it makes no difference at all. Yet in case of Jax it was against me -- she used autism as a reason not to be with me. I eventually found it so annoying that she kept blaming it on autism that I was yelling her over her head "no it is not autism, it is the fact that I don't find YOU attractive enough". Yet she didn't seem to hear it. Eventually I resorted to sending her links from A YEAR AGO where I was asking people how to get rid of her in order to make her see my point (
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt168658.html).
So you see, Jax didn't see I was with her out of desperation either nor did she see it was my attitude TOWARDS HER rather than in general -- after all it took that much for ME to try to show HER thats the case
On the other hand there was another girl, Anne (
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt5922.html), who DID think I was settling on her (well, she only mentioned that once, so I am not sure how significant that is on a grand scheme of things; but still the fact that she mentioned it means that it possibly was; what she said was that if I am such a loner then "of course" I would want to be with her). But ironically in case of Anne that was NOT the case. As a matter of fact I met Anne in 2005 and I am still obsessing about her DESPITE the fact that I had 5 girlfriends after she was gone. Yet I am sure she doesn't think so, she probably assumes I never had anyone else and thats why I am so obsessed over her.
So it is rather ironic that the girls on which I WAS settling never realized that was the case, yet Anne who was PERFECT on me thought I was settling.
Last edited by Roman on 11 Sep 2012, 10:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
11 Sep 2012, 10:38 pm
Even so, I will not give up hope.
