Anyone else here able to set a great first impression only?

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Brundisium
Deinonychus
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04 Sep 2012, 5:37 am

Despite my Aspergers, I find that I've gotten the art of a first impression down pat these days after many years of trial an error.

But then I have to watch it all unravel from there.

Once we reach our intended post-courting destination, how are we supposed to navigate a lifetime of more of the same?


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treblecake
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04 Sep 2012, 6:48 am

This happens with the majority of my attemts at friendship. It's really terrible because I've learnt how to keep up with the intial getting to know you small talk but anything past that and I'm stuffed. I'm only able to base friendships on mutual interests because that way I can actually have conversations with people.


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LordExiron
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04 Sep 2012, 11:01 am

I definitely have this problem. After about a year of dating I got how to act and what to say down pat, so I can be very charming on a first date and since then have never had a problem getting a second date. It's really pretty simple, just keep them talking about themselves - I have a pretty wide base of knowledge so I can usually respond intelligently and keep everything going smoothly, which is better than sitting there in silence like it used to go.

The thing is, people tend to mistake this for a genuine connection, but after a few dates, I usually realize the connection isn't there or that they really haven't asked about me and just want to talk about themselves. Then, I'm stuck with someone who texts me boring stuff all day and wants to go out to talk about more boring stuff. Then I have to break it to them that it's not going well for me which I always procrastinate on because it's an awkward thing to tell somebody.

I get the same thing with friendships, too. I only have a few close friends who I share interests with, because with other people I just run out of mutual interests to talk about after the initial honeymoon phase.



Stargazer43
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04 Sep 2012, 11:23 am

I've actually got the exact opposite problem...I'm usually terrible at making a good first impression, but I only go up from there.



AZB
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04 Sep 2012, 3:19 pm

I have this exact problem as well.
(This place sure knows how to let you're know your not as unique as you thought you were.)

I find first time interactions with NT's very easy. They have developed an easily mimicked set of social conventions for first time and large social settings.
After that when the norms start getting comfortable with the relationship is when I don't know how to act around them.

If i'm comfortable with your presence i don't feel the need to fill every moment with interesting chatter.
I might even sit quietly for an hour with you sitting right next to me and never even acknowledge you.

Then want to talk for an hour about how funny it is that ppl get riled up over the mud slinging in politics right now
even though they know that's the reaction these propagandist are trying to force out of them.

It's like they physically can not control their emotions when certain buzz words are uttered.

Now I have offended them by calling them stupid. Even though I thought it was obvious present company was excluded from the critique.


AAAuuugghhh

/Rant.

Sorry, turned into me reliving an uncomfortable situation I recently had.




Yes I have this problem too. I feel for you.