Intimacy in a relationship with two aspies (and no-one else)

Post Reply New Topic

Hi. I'm new to this forum, and I wondered if anyone could give me advice.

I've been going out with my girlfriend for eight months now. She's my first and I've been very happy with her. We've told each other we love them, and we've done everything a couple can do together. One of the coincidental (or not) things about our relationship is that I didn't know she had mild autism until we were going out. It's funny how one person with Asperger's found the other. I've been having trouble recently however.

Aside from the inevitable breakdowns in communication that happen on a daily basis, my girlfriend may or may not have trouble with intimacy. She had experienced abuse from a previous boyfriend, and had suffered depression as a result, as well as being apparently cold in comparison to her character before this ugly relationship. In contrast to her I'm quite the affectionate chap, and I annoy her with attention almost all the time. Essentially we're two different archetypes of aspies; I'm the fuzzy child like aspie (I also have ADD) and she is of the seemingly aloof variety.

What's happening is that I feel she is becoming more withdrawn. She insists on having "Me" time, which while fair enough in itself (everyone is entitled to their privacy) I find hard to respect, because I can't find much to do. As I result I'm get scared of becoming 'clingy' and alienating her. She tells me that I have made her happier than she's been for a long time, but I still find it hard to cope with her difficulties. No doubt it's even worse for her, having the memories of suffering to deal with all the time, but all the same it runs me down too.

Another problem is the sex. Although she says she finds me attractive and likes the intimacy of it, I often find her adopting a mechanical approach to it, and doesn't like foreplay or kissing before. It's like she just wants to get on with it. This problem is also getting worse, as her sex drive has been affected by the birth control pills she has recently been taking.

As she is a headstrong person it's quite difficult to approach her on these subjects, and I don't want to bring up her old trauma., She really has become a lot better, and I don't want to jeopardise her or our relationship. I think I love her but the challenge takes its toll. She deserves everything and more. What should I do? Am I being too selfish? Is this just a phase?

Cheers mate. It's always good to hear support

since she is on birth control it's really hard to make her wanna get it on. but like i said before, take

time with her and it will be fine.