Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Note to anyone; myself included.


Executive function is not the same as motivation or any kind of emotions involved.

The last time I had a full blown working executive function was in a very lazy and apathethic mood, yet did just about everything right only with simple intent.

Because somewhere, inside my biological processing, is self regulating and self monitoring.
No distractions, no overwhelm, no stupid forgetfulness, no 'accidents', no 'mishearing' or 'misreading'. Intent and actions matches.

It's about control and without that amount of conscious effort except intent itself for a navigation.
It's never about "caring enough" or "trying harder" or even "knowing enough". At all.

It is not a skill itself -- coping and compensating for it is a very different skill and not the same -- but itself is a key to do skills.

But more like having more than enough fuel to automatically prevent that annoying internal see-saw like dysregulation that inevitably distorts perception, judgment and disregards intent translate into behaviors.

Sort of like an oil to a machines' gears than a fuel.
It never mattered how much fuel one has if the gears are stuck, missing, blocked or broken -- unreliable.

I know mine is either stuck or blocked, instead of missing or broken.
That's the only relief I have -- a chance to find my kind of 'oil' to my cognitive gears.
And I just can't let it go of it... Because I'm just very frustrated with it not having it.


From,
Memory of mine, knowing and had experienced the contrast between the functioning me and the dysfunctional me.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Dear parents. You guys are pretty stupid but I know I was not easy to raise. I'm sorry if I was terrible. But you are pretty terrible too and the thing is I stopped doing that but you didn't. Your "help" destroyed me. I think you're idiots that can't even comprehend that I wasn't safe. That is why I was freaking out. Duh.

If I won the lottery I'd give you a used car or something to say I gave back. But then I'd move away and never come back again.

I know that you are my relatives but the weird thing is you never felt like my family. Just my relatives.

s**t! I didn't mean to send that here. I was just kind of venting anger to myself. Oops.

Oh my gosh I hate dealing with my mean parents but I honor and respect them and love them. From a distance.

For you,



I can't explain
It's not your business anyway
So don't say you understand
And don't pretend you're on my side


Hypocrite - LUSH

Dear dad,
dead diary
Have a look at what you made of me,
a man maddened by madness but can't feel mad
Ain't that a thing, it's the life of the wary,
choked up, you saved me, but then made sights of hell I'll forever see
My last words to you seem to be my last words,
they'll be the words of a broken man, where loss is all he can ever see
All messed up, all stressed out; weight on my chest, made to hold swords,
I don't hope you're proud of me
I just want you to know I never lost love
It's something that couldn't be taken from me,
that's why they'll always be my last words, to a devil or dove
I'll continue to love when someone ever makes me feel that way, as it's also what I'll forever see,
thanks, mum
Son

Dear Dillogic,

I really admire you and your character.
I know you've been through a lot, but you use those experiences to help your mother, yourself, and others.

Your mum is blessed to have a son like you.

Sending hugs and a sense of smell.

Dear IsabellaLinton,

Thank you.

Dill

Dear You,

How much did you lose in the Bitcoin crash?  All your savings and the equity on your house as well?  Really?!

I told you so!

I tried to warn you.  "It's a scam", I said.  "It's like a Ponzi scheme", I said.  "A financial bubble", I said.

"Loser", you said.  "Coward", you said.  "No balls", you said.  "Sucks to be you", you said.

Now you are hinting that I could loan you enough to "get back into the game".

News flash: "GAME OVER -- YOU LOSE!"

You were so arrogant while it seemed you were going to strike it rich that you drove most of us away.  When the crash came and you lost everything, the remaining people quickly "forgot" they ever knew you.  Now it sucks to be you.

Besides, where were you when I was homeless?

Good luck,

Me

Dear you,

I know you've been though a lot lately and need some time to clear your head. Still, I wish I could help, yet I am aware that sometimes only time heals wounds. That you need some time alone. I do not want you to feel pressured into talking, but I want you to know that I am here if you want to confide in someone.

However, I know you are strong - you act so cheerful for a person who has gone through such cruelty. You'll work through this and we'll see each other again in due time, I am almost sure of it.

From, me.

To the punks outside my window,

You seem to be entertained by my Kinks music in an ignorant way. I'm not closing my window. I will not give you my power. Give it a few years. You puppies might be listening to classic rock by than.

Little Local Mod - Woo Hoo

It sickens me that you breathe the same air as me.

Dear you,

I'm waiting for you where the moonlight shines through
I'm not counting the hands, as awaiting your pink hue,
magenta gleams off you, lighting the path from me to you
If you never arrive, then I'll consider the love I have the love I give and cry with
If you arrive, then I'll consider the love you bring with you the love I live

From a simple man

It wasn’t your fault.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

Dear Paternal Grandparents,

Yeah, it's been a long time since we talked, but I'm going to ask you both to do me a favor; the favor being to get into Mom's REM and try to convince her that she needs to see someone for her unpredictable mental state.

If yes, I wish you the best of luck.

Grandson

I don't know what I lost first, you or my mind. I'm sorry for the mess.