What would you have done in this situation?

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Raven
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12 Sep 2012, 9:28 am

I recently moved in to a "dorm". I'm not the only one who's new and in order to get to know everyone the older residents have decided to have a "room crawl" here on Saturday. It's a corridor party where everyone's supposed to go into all the rooms in the corridor (there are 12 rooms in my corridor) and drink one drink in each room. The people living in each room are supposed to provide drinks for the others. So when arriving at my room, I'm supposed to provide drinks for 12 people. They want everyone to participate and they want everyone to drink all the drinks (or at least try them). There's no way I can drink 12 drinks without passing out. I don't think I've ever had 12 drinks in one night. I drink sometimes (quite rarely) but I usually don't drink much since being drunk makes me throw up, pass out and feel like crap. I don't like being drunk.

I don't want to participate. On one hand I feel like I should participate but on the other hand I really don't want to. It's really not my thing. Parties, excessive drinking, loud music, people etc. I quite hate it actually. I don't think my brain can handle it. The other day I had a shutdown in class just because there were too many people. It wasn't even that noisy. Can't imagine how I'll feel on Saturday night. I have such a hard time saying no to people. Especially when I know it might lead to other people trash talking me etc. I don't really know what to do. I wish they'd leave me alone.

What would you have done in this situation?



TonyHoyle
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12 Sep 2012, 9:35 am

(a) stick a note on the door and hope they leave you alone
(b) provide 12 cans of coke :D



OCD_Angel
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12 Sep 2012, 9:36 am

Tell the organiser that you have a medical problem that prohibits you from drinking alcohol. Like a bad liver or diabetes or something I don't know. They might say you can drink something non-alcoholic instead. But I'm not sure how to get out of the socialising altogether without letting on that you hate it.

Well, would you be comfortable letting people know that you have a condition that causes you to get panic attacks when there are crowds and loud noises? I would say that, but then that might not stop people from trash talking anyway. Depends on what kind of people your dorm mates are.



theWanderer
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12 Sep 2012, 1:04 pm

What would I have done?

First Choice: Arranged to be elsewhere on Saturday night...
Second Choice: Simply refused to take part. If necessary, in very pointed terms. :D

I'm not saying this would work out well in the long run in terms of getting along with anyone, but it's what I would have done. Sorry if that isn't very helpful.


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CrystalStars
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12 Sep 2012, 1:10 pm

I would've told them to sod off, but I'm a horrible person.


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izzeme
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12 Sep 2012, 1:19 pm

i would have joined, but taken some cans of sode for myself, to drink in each room instead of the offered alcohol, explaining i got a low tolerance.
usually, there is someone else who is willing to take your share of the alcoholic drinks as well



Moondust
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12 Sep 2012, 1:24 pm

I'd love the party, seeing everyone's rooms from the inside, and I'd grab a drink at each room, sip a bit and then pour the rest down the toilet or sink when no one's looking. I wouldn't care one bit about it.

I'd only be concerned about my valuables when people are freely coming and going into my room while I'm not there, and if they're drunk all the more. Plus, people from outside the dorm could filter in and steal stuff from my room, like my laptop.

I think I'd lock my room while I'm out and around the other rooms, then open it again to receive the guests and stay in my room the rest of the time. And I wouldn't care one bit what others thought of it.

I'd have great fun!


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Robdemanc
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12 Sep 2012, 1:30 pm

What if someone comes to your room when you are at someone elses room? How does it work? Do you all have a rota?

I would join in and be polite until I shutdown then I would go outside for a walk. If you absolutely don't want to do it then say so, but be polite. Or perhaps you could manage to get to know the nearest rooms only.



outofplace
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12 Sep 2012, 3:37 pm

I wouldn't do it. I'd offer to provide a drink for everyone but not take part myself. If they hate you because you don't drink then they are narrow minded people you don't need anyways. I have offended plenty of people for not drinking, but I tried it for a while and never found it enjoyable. I see no reason to participate in a social convention that makes me sick and uneasy and that could have deleterious health effects later on in life.


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12 Sep 2012, 3:49 pm

Personally I would go along, but simply say I'm sticking to soft drinks/only having what I want. I find people are pretty okay when I say in no uncertain terms I'm a massive lightweight and if I drink more than x amount I will throw up, and that's not fun for anyone. Then I'd duck out early when everyone's drunk (let's face it, it's not going to take long - give them double shots when it comes to your room)

Otherwise just be up front with them: tell them how much those situations stress you out, that you'd like to get to know them but under different circumstances.



daydreamer84
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12 Sep 2012, 4:36 pm

CrystalStars wrote:
I would've told them to sod off, but I'm a horrible person.


I would probably quit school and come home and go to a school that I could attend while living at home if I could. Then again I'm a loser who tends to quit when things get too difficult and since I hate/get panicked by crowds and noisy parties like that this would be a really big deal for me....I would be very upset if that happened to me.



Last edited by daydreamer84 on 12 Sep 2012, 4:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hanyo
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12 Sep 2012, 4:40 pm

daydreamer84 wrote:
I would probably quit school and come home and go to a school that I could attend while living at home if I could. Then again I'm a loser who tends to quit when things get too difficult and since I hate crowds and parties like that (sensory overload, lack of control etc.) this would be a really big deal for me....I would be very upset if that happened to me.


I'd do the same. I don't like socializing and I don't drink alcohol.

Maybe when I was younger I would have been ok with it but only when I actually liked drinking. The socializing still would have been stressful.

I hope you find a way to make this situation work for you. I have a cousin that I suspect has aspergers and when he went away to college he ended up dropping out and coming home. His mother blamed it on all the partying and loudness making it so he couldn't study.



Alfonso12345
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12 Sep 2012, 6:54 pm

I have an idea. When the time for the event comes, just lock your door so no one can get in and then put a note on the door that says "Go away." If they knock on your door anyway, slide a second note under the door that says "I SAID GO AWAY!! !!"



Ann2011
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12 Sep 2012, 8:22 pm

I lived in a dorm for two weeks when I was 19 years old. I was totally unsuited to it. There was a group mentality amongst the residents that I could not comprehend or participate in. I don't know how it would have worked out; I was basically terrified and decided to go back home.

Looking back, I probably could have given it more of a chance.

As far as drinking goes, there's nothing wrong with saying you don't want to, or drinking less than other people. There's always a group of drunks who think that everyone else should be drunk, but most people are respectful of other people's choices. You many even find people who feel the same as you.



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12 Sep 2012, 11:09 pm

What I would do:
Step 1: Lock the door.
Step 2: Be somewhere else - anywhere else - on Saturday.

To try to force everybody to participate in this kind of a "party" is insanely idiotic. This kind of stuff is the reason I went home every weekend while I was living in residence (and partly why I only stayed in residence for one year)



Robdemanc
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13 Sep 2012, 2:44 am

What kind of people are they? Are they the kind you should avoid? It seems harsh that everyone is saying to ignore them. I would just go along with their little game for a short time, just nod and smile. Then go to my room after I've had enough, lock the door and put headphones on with the light off.