What is the main reason why guys have to do the approaching?
Kjas
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
If you know it's an issue, surely it would be obvious from early on. I started learning social interaction at 13 consciously and have been since.
There has been one period in my life where I was practically non-verbal for all intents and purposes - you can't get too much more "impaired" as far as social skills than that.
I really do think this comes down to other factors. The people who have succeeded at life have things in common: namely, it matters more to us that we succeed at whatever it is we want to do than we fear failing at it. We are more scared of not trying and the possible consequences than we are of failing.
Most people waste time, waste opportunities, waste their own talents and abilities. Those are the people who do not succeed at getting what they want - I would know, I have been that person in the past.
The sad thing was that even when I was that person and wasting everything I had - I was *still* being more productive than most other people during that time.
One thing is for sure - you won't help yourself by complaining all day on an internet forum and not actually doing anything - that is not even trying and therefore guaranteeing failure right there.
_________________
Diagnostic Tools and Resources for Women with AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt211004.html
DialAForAwesome
Veteran
Joined: 4 Oct 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,189
Location: That place with the thing
One thing is for sure - you won't help yourself by complaining all day on an internet forum and not actually doing anything - that is not even trying and therefore guaranteeing failure right there.
Whining their sorry-azz on an internet forum would possibly work for a chick if guys saw it that lived relatively close.
females are often incapable of thinking logically and analytically. females think primarily based on their emotions and they are a lot more unpredictable than males. females do not understand nor do they care about the struggles of men. males should never go to a female in regards to dating advice. males are the hunters and we are expected to be the initiators and risk takers. females use their attractiveness to manipulate males into getting what they want.
Aspie males are usually better off single and alone because we are more socially disadvantaged than normal people when it comes to social interactions. No female is worth the grief.
Last edited by steviewonderau on 21 Nov 2012, 11:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Kjas
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
It's not just about trying harder - we aren't NT. We need to try harder, but we also have to be much smarter about *how* we choose to do that, and much more selective aboout it.
If you just "try harder" without being smart about it - then that is the equivalent of banging your head against a brick wall and hoping not to get one of the worst headaches you have ever had - it will get you nowhere.
And I doubt that venger - she would be relegated back to the category of "annoying stupid brat" and simply ignored by any man who was worth it.
If there's one thing you will never see me post seriously as some kind of complaint or excuse it would be any of the following:
- there are no good men
- all the good men are either taken or gay
- men have it so much easier than women
- all men want is sex
Because although I have been single for the last few years - saying any of that, or acting based on those thoughts would get me absolutely nowhere. Not to mention none of it is actually true. Just like the opposite complaints and excuses that lots of guys use are not true. You cannot tell me that you would seriously consider dating long term any girl who said or thought those types of things?
_________________
Diagnostic Tools and Resources for Women with AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt211004.html
There has been one period in my life where I was practically non-verbal for all intents and purposes - you can't get too much more "impaired" as far as social skills than that.
I really do think this comes down to other factors. The people who have succeeded at life have things in common: namely, it matters more to us that we succeed at whatever it is we want to do than we fear failing at it. We are more scared of not trying and the possible consequences than we are of failing.
Most people waste time, waste opportunities, waste their own talents and abilities. Those are the people who do not succeed at getting what they want - I would know, I have been that person in the past.
The sad thing was that even when I was that person and wasting everything I had - I was *still* being more productive than most other people during that time.
One thing is for sure - you won't help yourself by complaining all day on an internet forum and not actually doing anything - that is not even trying and therefore guaranteeing failure right there.
You know, that is so good for you. Over came alot. You went out there and improve yourself, that is awesome. Here If I knew you, I would buy you a beer. so then you don't have trouble in dating then. That my whole point, you do good and I respect that.
But your dating problems are so weak compare to these shy men Im talking about
If you just "try harder" without being smart about it - then that is the equivalent of banging your head against a brick wall and hoping not to get one of the worst headaches you have ever had - it will get you nowhere.
And I doubt that venger - she would be relegated back to the category of "annoying stupid brat" and simply ignored by any man who was worth it.
If there's one thing you will never see me post seriously as some kind of complaint or excuse it would be any of the following:
- there are no good men
- all the good men are either taken or gay
- men have it so much easier than women
- all men want is sex
Because although I have been single for the last few years - saying any of that, or acting based on those thoughts would get me absolutely nowhere. Not to mention none of it is actually true. Just like the opposite complaints and excuses that lots of guys use are not true. You cannot tell me that you would seriously consider dating long term any girl who said or thought those types of things?
yeah but you are not 40 year who never,ever been in a relationship. You are 23 years old and had 2 boyfriends and 75 dates.
Look, Im very happy for you. You are really don't understand what these men are going threw. You really have no clue do you.
Kjas
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
My age has nothing to do with it. Age does not dictate mental or emotional maturity. Nor does it dictate the amount of life experience you have.
And you really have no clue about anything other than first world problems - do you see me holding that against you? I could - heck I probably should, because without sufficient experiences like that you are never going to be able to put your own problems or others into perspective. But I am not because invalidating people would get me nowhere.
I am not invalidating guys in this position - there is a way out of it and I have said it, even given some examples and tools.
It's up to them to actually do something with it.
I have seen aspie guys get dates, girlfriends and partners with my own eyes.
And none of those who did had the attitude that you and others who are agreeing with you are displaying.
It's not about how hard something is, it's about what you choose to do about it.
If your care more about your own comfort level and ego - then yes you are going to stay in the same situation.
_________________
Diagnostic Tools and Resources for Women with AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt211004.html
im trying to be as fair as possible, but i will still say that dating for shy guys is extremely tough.
i really want to see the statistics from okc on how many people reply to messages. the catch is that EVERYONE is sending out dozens per month, and only the top few % will actually get replies because of the sheer quantity. i would be willing to bet that <10% of the male profiles get >80% of the messages that women reply to. the AVERAGE guy still has a hard time on dating sites. i feel really bad for guys who have trouble describing themselves, or are introverted and so dont have many pictures of them in social gatherings, or are just a little too short or little overweight.
the ratio of messages i send vs women send to me first is about 10:1. when factor in that all those messages i got were never once a full sentence, its actually a ratio of infinity.
due to the style of dating, its unbalanced because a woman generally will just have to worry about picking right. while guys always have to line up waiting to be picked and hope that those perfect guys were lazy that week and didnt show, otherwise were basically out of luck.
if someone woman can tell me what im doing wrong, please do share, cause as far as i can tell theres nothing more i can do other than fake my photos.
the world owes us. life is not fair.
corrupt people usually get what they want, honest people usually get no where.
we have never been given the opportunities in life.
there should be more fairness and equality in this world...
however the world is corrupt and nothing will ever change.
Last edited by steviewonderau on 21 Nov 2012, 11:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
And you really have no clue about anything other than first world problems - do you see me holding that against you? I could - heck I probably should, because without sufficient experiences like that you are never going to be able to put your own problems or others into perspective. But I am not because invalidating people would get me nowhere.
I am not invalidating guys in this position - there is a way out of it and I have said it, even given some examples and tools.
It's up to them to actually do something with it.
I have seen aspie guys get dates, girlfriends and partners with my own eyes.
And none of those who did had the attitude that you and others who are agreeing with you are displaying.
It's not about how hard something is, it's about what you choose to do about it.
If your care more about your own comfort level and ego - then yes you are going to stay in the same situation.
first, you don't know me. You have no idea what Im like outside of wp. I have autism. every damn day. I go out there and notice a lady and go up to her and talk to her about whatever. Im never rude to any women (unless they are rude to me first) and do my best. I talk to women like they are human, I don't view women as sex objects, ok. s**t I go up to women and talk to them about adam sandler ( I don't do that much anymore). You keep acting like if I get ''laid'' (which I have) or if I get another girlfriend, then all the things say I would take back, no. It doesn't matter if I have a gf or not, my thoughts on this issues will stay the same.
Let say tomorrow I get a girlfriend. everything I said on this forum, I would still believe. That your dating skills are so much better then these shy men are.
btw why do you think, I would go up to some woman and start talking to her about ''how women have it so easy dating, and how not fair for us men'' why would I do that,come on.
I talk to women about college, how they are doing, about their family, whatever (and sometimes adam sandler)
so serious, you don't know me,ok.
Shatbat
Veteran
Joined: 19 Feb 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,791
Location: Where two great rivers meet
^ this. Especially when talking about Kjas .
It's the third time I remember that someone says that woman maybe do have it easier, but it doesn't matter, and you fail to give a proper answer to that. Why?
_________________
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day. - Winston Churchill
Kjas
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
I'm equally as interested if they would date a girl long term who felt the world owed her something and expected to be handed it, and didn't like men and was constantly complaining about them by saying crap like following: there are no good men, all the good men are either taken or gay, men have it so much easier than women, all men want is sex?
Are you guys going to sit here and tell me you would seriously date a girl long term who thought, spoke and acted towards you like that?
_________________
Diagnostic Tools and Resources for Women with AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt211004.html
Are you guys going to sit here and tell me you would seriously date a girl long term who thought, spoke and acted towards you like that?
_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Haiti's Main Port Closes Because Of Gang Violence Increase |
08 Mar 2024, 6:21 pm |
The REAL reason why I have developed feelings for SpongeBob! |
08 Mar 2024, 6:36 pm |
Well these guys get it... |
08 Apr 2024, 4:26 am |
What did you guys do today instead of watching the game? |
13 Feb 2024, 11:54 pm |