What is the main reason why guys have to do the approaching?

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BlueMax
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22 Feb 2013, 1:51 pm

I think it's a forum glitch - it happened to me too.

Old threads are rising up to page 1 on their own...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nc60XPCXrh8[/youtube]



Shatbat
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22 Feb 2013, 1:54 pm

I dunno, I received five e-mail notifications, all about fairly old threads, and they were all brought to life by him. Are you completely sure their are rising up on their own, or do you see a pattern of them being raised by someone, like I do?


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Jordan87
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22 Feb 2013, 2:01 pm

I think it's just social convention. Men are "supposed" to be the gender that takes initiative as it were (IE: Ask the women out, pay for meals, etc, etc.), while women are supposed to be more receptive to men so when a woman approaches a man about going out on a date or something, people find it strange or even "slu*ty" in some instances. Some people (Because they are dim bulbs) assume that because a woman is the one doing the approaching, she must be some sex crazed nymphomaniac, because she's stepping "out of line" and not letting the man approach her first. It's stupid, but that's the theory that pops into my mind



The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Feb 2013, 2:31 pm

Because we are apes.



ripped
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22 Feb 2013, 4:32 pm

Because it demonstrates that the guy thinks he is good enough.



balletnerd
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22 Feb 2013, 5:18 pm

Quote:
Yuzu wrote:
If you don't want to do the approaching, then don't do it.
Just do what girls do. Send them subtle signals that you're interested and patiently wait for them to come to you.


Quote:
This works sometimes, but not well.


I've approached men but its becuase I cant do the flirting thing naturally and therefore I dont send out the signals. in an offline situation only been asked out three times ever and I am of at least average appearance and conventionally dressed and i belive it is becuase of my lack of flirting abilities so therefore i must do approaching myself to get reasonable chances; on the other hand I cant read signals very well either so i jus have to approach the ones i like the look of.

I think painful as rejection is men greatly increase their odds by doing the approaching. maybe its not very fair but thats how it is.



bruinsy33
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23 Feb 2013, 12:14 am

Unfortunately most relationships are initiated by the man approaching a woman .The men who claim to have women asking them out are usually extroverted and social and interact with many women .



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23 Feb 2013, 3:08 am

JRR wrote:
mds_02 wrote:
The average woman doesn't want a man who feels like he has to be with her (and the ones who do want that are the shitty manipulative types that you should avoid anyway). She wants a man who, after putting real energy into getting to know her, chooses to be with her. Women like a man who has, and acts as though he has, options. And even if a guy feels like it's a choice between some particular girl or no one at all, he should remember (and act like) that is still a choice.


As I indicated, making an effort does not mean "any woman would substitute" (you don't know how CRAZY that thought drives me). It means we like you and don't want you to go! It's the exact OPPOSITE of what you're thinking. I don't give extra effort to girls I don't care about. I just leave. How twisted can you get??


You are making mds's point for her. Of course you like her. You like her enough to talk to her. That's not the same as deciding you want her to be the mother of your children, spend the next four months rutting, or whatever. If you do decide those things before you know more about her, it is in fact true that any woman who meets or exceeds your requirements for wanting to talk to her will do. The truth is that at that point you don't know enough about her to soundly decide you want a relationship.

If your heart says "I never felt like this before," get a second opinion. Your brain may be available for just that purpose. You did too feel like that before. You even felt like you never felt like that before before. Either unthink that or at least don't let it show. I know that from experience. More than once I crashed at the starting line by showing too much eagerness. I had a girlfriend who told me she fell in love with me at first sight. You know when she told me? Two months after we broke up and she had made it abundantly clear that we would never reunite. If she had told me that when we met I would have thought her daft. The fact that it was true and it wasn't daft (although not an entirely good idea) doesn't change that.

What's a man's favorite topic for conversation? How wonderful (accomplished, clever, entertaining, etc.) he is. Unless he is are in fact perfect, it's a boring subject. Scratch that-- Superman is totally tedious. Being semi-wonderful is a lot better.

What's a woman's favorite topic for conversation? How wonderful she is. They differ from men in that they like it better when somebody else tells the observable parts of that story. As with men, it's a boring subject, but it can bore her too. Being semi-wonderful is a lot better.

You don't need to advertise your flaws to be semi-wonderful. A semi-wonderful person's story has details about his or her life that are neither especially good nor especially bad, but still serve to let others know what kind of person they are. Some of those things might be wonderful to some people but not others. That is to say, they are part of why somebody might or might not be a good match.

Women learn from whoever it is that teaches Herd People these things that they should let men do most of the talking. Unfortunately, men don't usually learn to not do all the talking. Fortunately, when a man is honestly interested in a woman, he wants to know more about her, so the two end up having a conversation that is two-sided and isn't entirely about how wonderful one or the other is.

Finally, if you're looking for a three-hour romance, it's okay to stick to the topic of mutual wonderfulness. I will help you weed out anybody who wants something that will last past breakfast. Anybody who isn't either a narcissist or self-loathing won't stick around. Of course, unless this is all taking place in a bar, the great majority won't want to go home with you or even give you their real phone number.



MrKnowItAll
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23 Feb 2013, 4:35 am

Shatbat wrote:
Way to necro at least five different threads :lol:


If he hadn't necroed it I would have. Reading this has been absolutely fascinating.

Any time I want to throw a pity party for myself, I can come back to this thread and see what good it does.

For the posters who have been pixxing and moaning about not getting any, here are the options:

1. Learn to be happy without it.
2. Be miserable.
3. Learn how to do what Herd People do. A PUA book might help, but actually studying them in vivo works better. Get some self-esteem. Learning to interact with Herd People can help with that. I know it can be done because I did and I now do it almost as well as they do. If you need more than self-esteem boosting than that, get a self-help book on the subject and use it. If that's not enough, see a professional.

You seem to believe there is another option:

4. Cry about how unfair the world is until the world takes notice and decides to change customs and human nature to accommodate you.

It ain't gonna happen.

One more thing: If you want it enough, there are women who rent out their bodies for that purpose. With enough money you can even get a fairly attractive one who will spend the night and pretend she loves you until the timer dings.



WantToHaveALife
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25 Feb 2013, 7:25 pm

MrKnowItAll wrote:
Shatbat wrote:
Way to necro at least five different threads :lol:


If he hadn't necroed it I would have. Reading this has been absolutely fascinating.

Any time I want to throw a pity party for myself, I can come back to this thread and see what good it does.

For the posters who have been pixxing and moaning about not getting any, here are the options:

1. Learn to be happy without it.
2. Be miserable.
3. Learn how to do what Herd People do. A PUA book might help, but actually studying them in vivo works better. Get some self-esteem. Learning to interact with Herd People can help with that. I know it can be done because I did and I now do it almost as well as they do. If you need more than self-esteem boosting than that, get a self-help book on the subject and use it. If that's not enough, see a professional.

You seem to believe there is another option:

4. Cry about how unfair the world is until the world takes notice and decides to change customs and human nature to accommodate you.

It ain't gonna happen.

One more thing: If you want it enough, there are women who rent out their bodies for that purpose. With enough money you can even get a fairly attractive one who will spend the night and pretend she loves you until the timer dings.


getting rejected is one thing, getting lead on is another