What the girl did, kind of set an imbalance. Flirting?

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bromide
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25 Sep 2012, 8:24 pm

Sorry for the long post. But please read on. I am a well adjusted aspie when ever I go out. But this incident has driven me a bit bonkers.
Also, I have another(main) account here. But I cannot post the below using that as my room-mate knows about that account. Sorry again.


Scenario:
My room-mate's girlfriend kind of forced me to a lunch for getting her first salary (I did not mind).

2 guys and 3 girls out for lunch. My room-mate, me, room-mate's girl friend, girl2 (a good friend of mine, who also has got her first salary), girl 3 (just an acquaintance of mine & a good friend with girl1, childhood friend of girl2) the girl in interest here.

I have know the girl3(acquaintance) from about 2 years during which I may have met her a maximum of 5 time. I do not text her, call her, chat with her. She seems to be a nice girl. I will refer to her as `girl` below.

After the lunch others suggested to check out a local mall near by. All was fine till some time. The girls were busy checking out shoes, clothes etc on the ground floor.

The incident
The couple(room-mate and his girlfriend) took a detour for some alone time. I was left with the other two girls.

The girl suggested we moved to the first floor to check out stuff. She started acting weird from here on. Insisted that I buy some shoes, started suggesting some, made me try one. Even though I kept telling her I do not want to buy any. Then I told her that (actual reason) I have not been earning from about a year and a half(I am building a software product). She then insisted that girl2 will pay and I don't bother about money etc.. I, obviously, was not comfortable and told her that `I will start to earn again in about 2 months(true) and we can come back and buy at that time`. After which she stopped insisting.

We were moving on to check other stores they were interested in. She suddenly clasped my arm(posterior forearm) and started walking along side. I was startled and was about to pull away my arm when a thought `that it might me rude` struck and I let it be. She started holding my arm most of the time we were moving around.(This was the first time a girl was holding my hand. I have had girls touching me in a friendly way.)

After some time she clasped my hand(palm) (I actually realized this after coming back home). I did not know what to do then. I just let it be.

All the above was not inside a store/mall. It was when we were walking out in the public when moving between stores/mall.

The above incident kind of set an imbalance ( probably emotional ). I have been distracted and not working at my regular efficiency from the last 2 days. My sleep cycle went awry all of a sudden too (I had struggled very hard to maintain one and was doing quite good). I do not understand why she did that.

1] Was she flirting with me?
2] If yes, Does it seem like she is interested in me?
3] Or was it just some casual thing(like a friendly touch)?


AFAIK she has a boyfriend.

And any conversation clues that I could think of are:

1] Girl2 commented that you guys loo like boyfriend and girlfriend(when she was holding my hand). To which the girl replied with "Do you have a problem?".

2] She insisted and clicked some photos of us (me & her) together.

3] I was checking out a print(a black and white sketch) on a shirt in a store. She asked me what am I doing? I replied with `I sketch and I though art on the shirt was nice.` She replied with ` Ya, I know. I am a fan of you. I have liked your sketches on FB.`



Last edited by bromide on 27 Sep 2012, 4:15 am, edited 5 times in total.

Palindrome5
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25 Sep 2012, 8:41 pm

So to summarize:

-Insists on paying for your clothes
-Locks arms with you when walking outside
-Holds your hand
-Doesn’t mind “appearing” to be your boyfriend

Yeah, probably. Either that or she finds you non-threatening (like a gay friend) or is very flirty/sexual in general.

Ask her out and see what happens.



bromide
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25 Sep 2012, 9:25 pm

Palindrome5 wrote:
So to summarize:

-Insists on paying for your clothes
-Locks arms with you when walking outside
-Holds your hand
-Doesn’t mind “appearing” to be your boyfriend

Yeah, probably. Either that or she finds you non-threatening (like a gay friend) or is very flirty/sexual in general.

Ask her out and see what happens.

Will try doing that. But, she has a boyfriend.

Also, I now think that the imbalance is because :
1] I did not expect something like this to happen to me.
2] She has a boyfriend. So how can she be interested in me.
3] If she was just being very flirty. Why would some one hold the hand.



dajand8
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25 Sep 2012, 9:53 pm

For sure I believe she is trying to sleep with you. You need to look within and determine if you are comfortable with that! I think she wants you to sleep with her but may not want a relationship. DO it and remember it forever!



bromide
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25 Sep 2012, 10:27 pm

dajand8 wrote:
For sure I believe she is trying to sleep with you. You need to look within and determine if you are comfortable with that! I think she wants you to sleep with her but may not want a relationship. DO it and remember it forever!

I had not considered this! But I seriously doubt she is trying to sleep with me.



Palindrome5
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26 Sep 2012, 12:22 am

Quote:
But, she has a boyfriend.

Doesn't mean she's happy with her boyfriend. Very often women will stay in a toxic relationship until someone better comes along. That person could be you.



bromide
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26 Sep 2012, 12:29 am

Palindrome5 wrote:
Quote:
But, she has a boyfriend.

Doesn't mean she's happy with her boyfriend. Very often women will stay in a toxic relationship until someone better comes along. That person could be you.


hmmm... I will try to ask her out then. Thanks Palindrome5.



Palindrome5
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26 Sep 2012, 2:09 am

Just make sure you ask her about the status of her relationship before making a move.



bromide
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26 Sep 2012, 9:12 am

Palindrome5 wrote:
Just make sure you ask her about the status of her relationship before making a move.

Ya, I will make sure about that. I can ask her friends. I have think of a way to meet her.



starryeyedvoyager
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26 Sep 2012, 9:56 am

Have you tried asking her friend (girl 2, right?) about what she thought was going on? Maybe you could drop something along the lines that you really enjoyed the day out with "the girls", especially with the one of interest. I know, asking an Aspie to look for subtleties is... a little off, but maybe you are lucky and her reply is obvious enough to get a clue. I heard women do that alot, using the guy's friends about the person of interest to see if he is interested. You have my sympathy, because I have been in a similar situation recently (thanks to Palindrome5 at this point again for being there for me as well, guy deserves a medal. Really, I mean it!), and her mentioning "her guy" (only once, of course, completely maneuvering around the topic from thereon) was, more or less, the dealbreaker for me, because it is just one of those rules that seems to be hardwired into my system: "She has a boyfriend, no chance for you loser!", so I know how hard it must be to wind up the courage and go up against that resistance. All I can say is: Be a braver and better man than me, and try to climb that mountain... maybe you can put your flag in it ;)



bromide
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26 Sep 2012, 10:07 am

starryeyedvoyager wrote:
Have you tried asking her friend (girl 2, right?) about what she thought was going on? Maybe you could drop something along the lines that you really enjoyed the day out with "the girls", especially with the one of interest. I know, asking an Aspie to look for subtleties is... a little off, but maybe you are lucky and her reply is obvious enough to get a clue. I heard women do that alot, using the guy's friends about the person of interest to see if he is interested. You have my sympathy, because I have been in a similar situation recently (thanks to Palindrome5 at this point again for being there for me as well, guy deserves a medal. Really, I mean it!), and her mentioning "her guy" (only once, of course, completely maneuvering around the topic from thereon) was, more or less, the dealbreaker for me, because it is just one of those rules that seems to be hardwired into my system: "She has a boyfriend, no chance for you loser!", so I know how hard it must be to wind up the courage and go up against that resistance. All I can say is: Be a braver and better man than me, and try to climb that mountain... maybe you can put your flag in it ;)


Ya it's girl2. Nope, haven't asked her. I was thinking on the lines of talking to either of girl1 or girl2. Let me give it a thought. I will definitely try to ask her out. Thanks for the words.

and lol @ try to climb that mountain... maybe you can put your flag in it ;)



bromide
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26 Sep 2012, 11:47 am

Palindrome5 wrote:

starryeyedvoyager wrote:


Talked to girl1 some time back. Asked her with the first question Is the girl a flirty kind? She told me Yes. The girl has had about 3 boyfriends over a period of 1.5 years. The girl apparently had tried to juggle 2 guys at a point of time. She apparently does not have a boy friend right now. But is in contact with her exs on a regular basis and talks to them for a long time etc. She apparently is bit immature as well.

I think I will ignore this incident based on the pretext quoted above.

Thanks you guys for the advice.



Palindrome5
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27 Sep 2012, 1:11 am

She sounds like the perfect F-buddy. You should aim for a casual relationship with her unless you're steadfastly desiring a monogamous relationship.



bromide
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27 Sep 2012, 1:48 am

Palindrome5 wrote:
She sounds like the perfect F-buddy. You should aim for a casual relationship with her unless you're steadfastly desiring a monogamous relationship.


Haven't given much thought whether I want to be monogamous or not.. Let me take some time and decide :)